My sister just tried to stage a parenting intervention with me, basically

[Anonymous]

I'd just bring up how worried you are about her kids if she tries to do the same again- then just sum up that you are clearly both very worried about the other's kids so short of trading kids- there is no solution other than to never discuss it again, just to keep silently judging each other instead. win-win.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you all the way OP, you're on vacation... have fun!

Kids shouldn't live their lives with such rigidity, it's more harmful than helpful.
They need to know that if you work hard in school, help out around the house & generally be responsible & amiable, that they'll also receive fun little rewards along the way for being so helpful. Life is filled with reciprocity.

My kids also watch shows & movies on their iPad, they love doing inquisitive puzzles, as well as reading their "chapter" books on it too.

Puzzle boxes are a huge hit in our home, so we started buying them intricate puzzle boxes from Asia when they were 4 or 5 years old (similar to the ones Lara Croft deciphers in Tomb Raider).
Well, they now also have puzzle boxes for the iPad, hallelujah!

There are also games that aren't mind numbing -- my son plays a cool atmospheric game about opening up the world's most complicated puzzle box.
The ASMR on the touchscreen is SO satisfying because you're cracking the clues, deciphering hidden codes, turning clicking switches, swiveling & latching keys, clacking & fidgeting with levers, bolting & disengaging locks, etc.
As you progress you uncover an intriguing, almost Lovecraftian narrative that's very cool.

Another favorite of theirs is one that they explore seemingly impossible architectural spaces inspired by the genius & mind curving artist MC Escher. To effectively circumvent this type of conundrum, you need to modify the way your brain ruminates, as you'll have to use various methods of thought to complete it with success.

Reading books on the iPad saves us a hell of a lot of space without having to buy 10 Percy Jackson " adventure type" books each year.
I'm eternally thankful that I'll never have to buy another hard or soft covered physical book again (oh, and when we go on vacation, ALL the books come with us... every single one in their virtual bookshelf).

I think you need to do some research and maybe broaden your horizons a bit, because if you think kids are just "zoning out" on iPads... wait... what exactly do you think kids are "zoning out" watching in their iPads anyway? 🤔

Lastly, to all of the judgmental mom's on here -- please don't confuse your need for control with being a better parent than the OP is.
Your condescending tone isn't fooling anyone.

Life shouldn't be all one way or the other... it shouldn't be too rigid, nor too compliant with every whim and wish. Life shouldn't be lived with deprivation, moderation should be practiced in every facet.

My mother was very similar, however I saw first hand how living life with such rigidity, inflexibility & stringency can lead to anxiety in children.
I saw it first in my older sister, then in my younger sister -- they both developed debilitating anxiety, as they felt the need to live up to some baseless level of perfectionism (that they neither wanted NOR hoped to achieve) however, neither wanted to risk upseting our mother and triggering her anxiety and anger.

Imposing severe restrictions in your kids does NOT provide the level of stability that you think it does, because it makes your kids feel like freaks from everyone else around them.

Different families, different rules is an awesome philosophy, I love it! However, that philosophy definitively changes & becomes toxic when you begin to realize that it's pretty much ALL other families that are similar and then there's... yours.

All of those descriptors are interchangeable, because they all require total & dedicated focus on a destructive anxiety... a demanding compulsion to control (which is never a healthy combination as kids enter their formidable teenage rebellious years, fyi).

Control is an illusion that cannot ever be achieved by anyone -- the tighter you grasp for control, the looser your grip on it will become.


Hey PP - could you share some of the games that you mention here? I'd love to see if they'd interest my kids - my son in particular might love them. Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell your sister you are really worried that her kids are going to totally rebel and be drug addicts because of her crazy strict lifestyle.

And then laugh and say “see sis, let’s stay out of each other’s parenting.”

Plenty of academic research proving the contrary. Kids like OP's sadly turn out to be underachievers more often than not. While kids raised with proper nutrition and impulse control tend to be successful.

Citations please, from peer reviewed sources. Thanks.

restricting access does not equal impulse control, LOL!

[Anonymous]

OP - your sister is nuts and out of line. Her kids may totally buy into her way of parenting or they may rebel over time, she could even eventually relax. We do not know and should not wish for the worst.

The separate cottages is brilliant, my advice would be to just do what you need to do to stay calm in the moment and realize she is nuts and there is nothing you can do about it and let small things roll off your back as a gift to your parents. Kind of like spending time with people with completely different political beliefs, know that there is no winning so excuse yourself from the game so to speak and move on to neutral subjects.

[Anonymous]

OP - While it is totally your choice, as the parent of four adults/teenagers, I do wish that I had limited devices more (and my five year olds weren't spending time on an iPad.) Your kids are on a vacation with their extended family. There are a MILLION things that they could be doing to relax, both alone and with other family members, other than spending time on a device. Please consider that you should push them to be outside, or to do a puzzle with a grandparent or play a game with their cousin or even just read a regular book.

Your sister may have other values, but unless she was rude, expressing those to you should not be threatening. She loves you and loves your kids, and wants the best for them.

[Anonymous]

I'd keep the junk food and electronics in your own cottage and tell her to MYOB

[Anonymous]

Judge not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell your sister you are really worried that her kids are going to totally rebel and be drug addicts because of her crazy strict lifestyle.

And then laugh and say “see sis, let’s stay out of each other’s parenting.”

Plenty of academic research proving the contrary. Kids like OP's sadly turn out to be underachievers more often than not. While kids raised with proper nutrition and impulse control tend to be successful.

Citations please, from peer reviewed sources. Thanks.

restricting access does not equal impulse control, LOL!

In fact, it does the opposite, by wrapping the kids in bubble wrap, removing the perceived temptations and never giving them the opportunity to learn how to self-moderate before they leave your house and go crazy with all the forbidden fruit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - While it is totally your choice, as the parent of four adults/teenagers, I do wish that I had limited devices more (and my five year olds weren't spending time on an iPad.) Your kids are on a vacation with their extended family. There are a MILLION things that they could be doing to relax, both alone and with other family members, other than spending time on a device. Please consider that you should push them to be outside, or to do a puzzle with a grandparent or play a game with their cousin or even just read a regular book.

Your sister may have other values, but unless she was rude, expressing those to you should not be threatening. She loves you and loves your kids, and wants the best for them.

Nope. Sister needs to mind her own business and parent her own kids.

[Anonymous]

All you neeed to say to her is, “It just doesn’t bother me.” That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, feeding little kids Burger King is trashy. Your sister was trying to help you wake up. Obviously it's easier for you to jump online and play the victim than it is to be a good mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, feeding little kids Burger King is trashy. Your sister was trying to help you wake up. Obviously it's easier for you to jump online and play the victim than it is to be a good mother.

OMG. Judging what other people feed their families is trashy, lady.

[Anonymous]

Is getting together for dinner once in a while and holidays, birthdays, etc. not enough? I really don’t get why extended family plan vacations all together. Too much. Just vacation with your own family from now on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cuss her out
Her kids will be wildin’ out in a few years
Her lack of perspective is astonishing.

Yup look up Preacher’s daughter etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm with you all the way OP, you're on vacation... have fun!

Kids shouldn't live their lives with such rigidity, it's more harmful than helpful.
They need to know that if you work hard in school, help out around the house & generally be responsible & amiable, that they'll also receive fun little rewards along the way for being so helpful. Life is filled with reciprocity.

My kids also watch shows & movies on their iPad, they love doing inquisitive puzzles, as well as reading their "chapter" books on it too.

Puzzle boxes are a huge hit in our home, so we started buying them intricate puzzle boxes from Asia when they were 4 or 5 years old (similar to the ones Lara Croft deciphers in Tomb Raider).
Well, they now also have puzzle boxes for the iPad, hallelujah!

There are also games that aren't mind numbing -- my son plays a cool atmospheric game about opening up the world's most complicated puzzle box.
The ASMR on the touchscreen is SO satisfying because you're cracking the clues, deciphering hidden codes, turning clicking switches, swiveling & latching keys, clacking & fidgeting with levers, bolting & disengaging locks, etc.
As you progress you uncover an intriguing, almost Lovecraftian narrative that's very cool.

Another favorite of theirs is one that they explore seemingly impossible architectural spaces inspired by the genius & mind curving artist MC Escher. To effectively circumvent this type of conundrum, you need to modify the way your brain ruminates, as you'll have to use various methods of thought to complete it with success.

Reading books on the iPad saves us a hell of a lot of space without having to buy 10 Percy Jackson " adventure type" books each year.
I'm eternally thankful that I'll never have to buy another hard or soft covered physical book again (oh, and when we go on vacation, ALL the books come with us... every single one in their virtual bookshelf).

I think you need to do some research and maybe broaden your horizons a bit, because if you think kids are just "zoning out" on iPads... wait... what exactly do you think kids are "zoning out" watching in their iPads anyway? 🤔

Lastly, to all of the judgmental mom's on here -- please don't confuse your need for control with being a better parent than the OP is.
Your condescending tone isn't fooling anyone.

Life shouldn't be all one way or the other... it shouldn't be too rigid, nor too compliant with every whim and wish. Life shouldn't be lived with deprivation, moderation should be practiced in every facet.

My mother was very similar, however I saw first hand how living life with such rigidity, inflexibility & stringency can lead to anxiety in children.
I saw it first in my older sister, then in my younger sister -- they both developed debilitating anxiety, as they felt the need to live up to some baseless level of perfectionism (that they neither wanted NOR hoped to achieve) however, neither wanted to risk upseting our mother and triggering her anxiety and anger.

Imposing severe restrictions in your kids does NOT provide the level of stability that you think it does, because it makes your kids feel like freaks from everyone else around them.

Different families, different rules is an awesome philosophy, I love it! However, that philosophy definitively changes & becomes toxic when you begin to realize that it's pretty much ALL other families that are similar and then there's... yours.

All of those descriptors are interchangeable, because they all require total & dedicated focus on a destructive anxiety... a demanding compulsion to control (which is never a healthy combination as kids enter their formidable teenage rebellious years, fyi).

Control is an illusion that cannot ever be achieved by anyone -- the tighter you grasp for control, the looser your grip on it will become.

Hey PP - could you share some of the games that you mention here? I'd love to see if they'd interest my kids - my son in particular might love them. Thanks!!

Not PP, but I recognize that her kid is playing one of The Room series. They’re good fun, kind of Myst on steroids.