Brother in law and His girlfriend proclaim DH’s family racist this on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not trust that a woman that represents a minority knows better what is racist and what is not?

Just because someone is offended by something does not de facto make the offender a racist person. People are offended by all sorts of things but we can't let their subjective experience define our objective reality

That sounds like what a racist would say to defend themselves.

You sound like a racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

I’ll keep Halloween, thanks. If you’re that sensitive to criticism by people with extreme points of view you could always just stop posting on Facebook.

Poor taste for sure to make fun of poor and uneducated people like the TK. But it’s pop culture so it’s okay. GOT IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t mean to post and run-had to work.

No Confederate flags! This is what irks me. This side of the family is extremely progressive. We are all social justice advocates. No one in the family is a Trumper or even a conservative. No one has made racial comments about anything it was simply the tiger King costume and my silence in explaining it. Also, the fact that nobody wanted to engage in large conversations over text about racial injustice. Frankly, they have no kids they have jobs as starving artists. They never ask anything about the family beyond wanting to talk race . The rest of the family have kids have lost jobs and are trying to see our way through a pandemic. Yes social justice and racial injustice are important but it is not our 24 hour gig as it is their’s.

I don’t believe anybody has ever made a comment to her about anything offensive but then again I am not her and I don’t walk in her shoes so I understand this part now. It’s been hard though to see the shaming of a family when I don’t think that it is justified. Again though I guess it’s not up to me to determine if it is justified or not. The costume consisted of a Hawaiian shirt and a blond mullet wig. I dressed as the Carol lady with a floral crown. Yes, we are all white.

OP, it is obvious your intent was to hurt your sister-in-law's feeling by wearing this costume. It wasn't simple tiger costume. You also topped it off with a "blond mullet wig". Shame on you for remaining silent when she expressed her hurt feelings in the text. You don't need to wear a white trash costume. You are white trash.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/netflix-tiger-king-director-joe-exotic-racist-carole-baskin-a9441801.html

This poster is either trying to be funny or a troll. I can't decide. OP, please ignore. You did nothing wrong. Don't respond to anything those two say, because everyone can see they're being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t mean to post and run-had to work.

No Confederate flags! This is what irks me. This side of the family is extremely progressive. We are all social justice advocates. No one in the family is a Trumper or even a conservative. No one has made racial comments about anything it was simply the tiger King costume and my silence in explaining it. Also, the fact that nobody wanted to engage in large conversations over text about racial injustice. Frankly, they have no kids they have jobs as starving artists. They never ask anything about the family beyond wanting to talk race . The rest of the family have kids have lost jobs and are trying to see our way through a pandemic. Yes social justice and racial injustice are important but it is not our 24 hour gig as it is their’s.

I don’t believe anybody has ever made a comment to her about anything offensive but then again I am not her and I don’t walk in her shoes so I understand this part now. It’s been hard though to see the shaming of a family when I don’t think that it is justified. Again though I guess it’s not up to me to determine if it is justified or not. The costume consisted of a Hawaiian shirt and a blond mullet wig. I dressed as the Carol lady with a floral crown. Yes, we are all white.

OP, it is obvious your intent was to hurt your sister-in-law's feeling by wearing this costume. It wasn't simple tiger costume. You also topped it off with a "blond mullet wig". Shame on you for remaining silent when she expressed her hurt feelings in the text. You don't need to wear a white trash costume. You are white trash.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/netflix-tiger-king-director-joe-exotic-racist-carole-baskin-a9441801.html

Did you forget the “/s” or are you that crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

I mean, you could always just not participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

I’ll keep Halloween, thanks. If you’re that sensitive to criticism by people with extreme points of view you could always just stop posting on Facebook.

Poor taste for sure to make fun of poor and uneducated people like the TK. But it’s pop culture so it’s okay. GOT IT.

Oh yes heaven forbid we make fun of the poor downtrodden tiger king, who willingly chose to put himself out there for judgement (and became famous through exploiting animals and other people) and is laughing all the way to the bank

[Anonymous]

It was not racist. They are overblowing the situation. Do not apologize. Tell them to grow up.

[Anonymous]

So giving everyone the benefit of the doubt ... it sounds like SIL just considers it very important at this moment in time to talk about race and have her experience as a minority out in the open in an otherwise all-white setting. If she’s adopted from Korea that might be an additional aspect. What OP should keep in mind is that by saying “that’s racist” or “you are being racist” does not mean you’re KKK. It means you offended her.

If you want to have a good relationship with her (and your brother) you’re going to have to stretch a little and open the door to talk to her about this stuff. She’s telling you it’s important to her.

Was she wrong to accuse you of being racist for an innocent act on your part? Of course. But again - if you want to have a good relationship you’ll have to show her you care about her experience.

It’s entirely possible she’s batsh*t and manipulative. But maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

I mean, you could always just not participate.

OP is clearly too much of a follower to take such a stand for herself.

[Anonymous]

Why would you apologize? That's a slippery slope, OP, because they're crazy and will then demand apologies for every minor pseudo-racist thing you do from now on.

I would distance myself from them, and no respond any more. They are unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t mean to post and run-had to work.

No Confederate flags! This is what irks me. This side of the family is extremely progressive. We are all social justice advocates. No one in the family is a Trumper or even a conservative. No one has made racial comments about anything it was simply the tiger King costume and my silence in explaining it. Also, the fact that nobody wanted to engage in large conversations over text about racial injustice. Frankly, they have no kids they have jobs as starving artists. They never ask anything about the family beyond wanting to talk race . The rest of the family have kids have lost jobs and are trying to see our way through a pandemic. Yes social justice and racial injustice are important but it is not our 24 hour gig as it is their’s.

I don’t believe anybody has ever made a comment to her about anything offensive but then again I am not her and I don’t walk in her shoes so I understand this part now. It’s been hard though to see the shaming of a family when I don’t think that it is justified. Again though I guess it’s not up to me to determine if it is justified or not. The costume consisted of a Hawaiian shirt and a blond mullet wig. I dressed as the Carol lady with a floral crown. Yes, we are all white.

Honestly they sound exhausting to be around and it seems like most of the extended family agrees. I would just stop engaging with them.

Yeah, I have a relative like that. Always trying to be "woke" and raise everyone's consciousness. I just stopped engaging with him. There's no point with some people.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned your SIL is half Korean - my guess is that she’s feeling very threatened with all of the violence and racism against Asians right now, and this is *something* they can do to create a sense of security and that they are accomplishing something.

You need to ask yourself - do you want to be “right”, or do you want to maintain a relationship with them? If you want a relationship, listen to what they have to say with kindness, compassion, and empathy. It doesn’t mean you need to self-flagellate for being racist or anything, just listen to their point of view and experience without getting defensive or arguing.

When the costume issue was brought up, instead of going silent and then watching the family gang up on them, you could have listened to what they had to say.

I’d reply back to them “I really want to hear what you have to say and would love to schedule a time to talk. I’m going to listen with an open mind and without arguing or getting defensive”.

[Anonymous]

It's none of your business whether they choose to interact with your family or want. They can say or do as they please. You can cut them off if you want. Whatever. But here again we have a woman running to the internet to whine about the life choices of brother/SIL...who are GROWN ASS ADULTS. How they choose to live their life is none of yours, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you going as a tiger mom and dad?

+1

This would be kind of racist. At the very least, a microaggression. Assuming ya'll are white?

Oh FFS, it was a costume and it is not racist to be the tiger king. Weird, yes, racist no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your SIL is half Korean - my guess is that she’s feeling very threatened with all of the violence and racism against Asians right now, and this is *something* they can do to create a sense of security and that they are accomplishing something.

You need to ask yourself - do you want to be “right”, or do you want to maintain a relationship with them? If you want a relationship, listen to what they have to say with kindness, compassion, and empathy. It doesn’t mean you need to self-flagellate for being racist or anything, just listen to their point of view and experience without getting defensive or arguing.

When the costume issue was brought up, instead of going silent and then watching the family gang up on them, you could have listened to what they had to say.

I’d reply back to them “I really want to hear what you have to say and would love to schedule a time to talk. I’m going to listen with an open mind and without arguing or getting defensive”.

Your sil needs to be on meds. Problem solved.