Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

When did she say she "pays for it"? She mentioned "do you want itemized receipts" like...yeah, maybe that's buying groceries or meals out or helping to replace lawn chairs or something. But she never said they pay for it as in a rental fee, or helping with the taxes or mortgage or something?

And here's what: even if they DID pay a "rental fee," it's still well within the rights of the owners to say "no" or "not right now" when asked to rent for a certain week. Just like you can't demand Sandcastle Realty or whomever to confirm the week of your choice until they're good and ready to do so. You can't just book whenever, if you're not the owner. There's reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM bullies are all here!

Yeah, and all the entitled brats too!

How many times are you going to refer to people as "entitled brats" & "freeloaders"??

Your writing style is very obvious... totally see through.

Jst because you write the same thing over and over AND over again, doesn't make it the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM bullies are all here!

Yeah, and all the entitled brats too!

How many times are you going to refer to people as "entitled brats" & "freeloaders"??

Your writing style is very obvious... totally see through.

Jst because you write the same thing over and over AND over again, doesn't make it the truth.

I know you think it was me, but I did not write the line "Yeah, and all the entitled brats too." Feel free to verify that with Jeff. I'll wait!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

I think if OP really had some sort of claim due to contributing to the place, she would have mentioned it already instead of being so vague about a contribution. I don’t mean a legal claim, but a fairness claim. If they paid for even a month of the mortgage per year, for example, she’d have included that. I think it’s some minor thing, like maybe buying the groceries while there or paying for an after visit cleaning service or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

I think if OP really had some sort of claim due to contributing to the place, she would have mentioned it already instead of being so vague about a contribution. I don’t mean a legal claim, but a fairness claim. If they paid for even a month of the mortgage per year, for example, she’d have included that. I think it’s some minor thing, like maybe buying the groceries while there or paying for an after visit cleaning service or something.

Agree- the details on this were notably lacking

[Anonymous]

OP look at the bright side. Even if you contributed some, you got a great deal and likely a huge discount all these years. You don't own it. You are not entitled to anything even if she's family. Just keep the peace and rent a place.This is why co-ownership of vacation property turns into a nightmare. Use all the money you saved to pick a nice place. Your daughter needs to get over it. It doesn't matter if it has sentimental value to her if grandma is not going to make it happen. Don't start drama over this, just assume you cannot use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

I think if OP really had some sort of claim due to contributing to the place, she would have mentioned it already instead of being so vague about a contribution. I don’t mean a legal claim, but a fairness claim. If they paid for even a month of the mortgage per year, for example, she’d have included that. I think it’s some minor thing, like maybe buying the groceries while there or paying for an after visit cleaning service or something.

But didn’t she say “maintenance”? That implies replacing the roof and things like that. Not groceries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

I think if OP really had some sort of claim due to contributing to the place, she would have mentioned it already instead of being so vague about a contribution. I don’t mean a legal claim, but a fairness claim. If they paid for even a month of the mortgage per year, for example, she’d have included that. I think it’s some minor thing, like maybe buying the groceries while there or paying for an after visit cleaning service or something.

But didn’t she say “maintenance”? That implies replacing the roof and things like that. Not groceries.

As a homeowner 10 years in, with mortgage payments and repairs/upkeep/furniture/groceries and all else that whole time? A new roof would hardly equate full ownership and say-so. Come on.

[Anonymous]

I would count the house out for that weekend and rent somewhere else. Sounds like you are trying to save a few bucks but it's not possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is half owner- why can't she just talk to him and work it out. OP I would just politely let her know you'll book somewhere else if he can't decide.

Annoying, but it is what it is.

I don't understand why you are being called a free loader and greedy. That's unnecessary

Because not taking “no” or “not right now” as an answer when asking a property owner for the favor of the use of their property is beyond rude, entitled, and greedy.

I'd normally agree with this, but apparently OP pays for it. So in this case the right thing is to cut ties (or at least cut this particular tie).

I think if OP really had some sort of claim due to contributing to the place, she would have mentioned it already instead of being so vague about a contribution. I don’t mean a legal claim, but a fairness claim. If they paid for even a month of the mortgage per year, for example, she’d have included that. I think it’s some minor thing, like maybe buying the groceries while there or paying for an after visit cleaning service or something.

But didn’t she say “maintenance”? That implies replacing the roof and things like that. Not groceries.

It could also involve her DH hammering in a few loose fence posts here and there ...

[Anonymous]

Make other plans or rent someone else’s house. Then when mil finally clears it, you can refuse and tell her you’ve made other plans because she was so reluctant to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make other plans or rent someone else’s house. Then when mil finally clears it, you can refuse and tell her you’ve made other plans because she was so reluctant to help.

And then MIL will get to enjoy a week at her own beach house in peace, without her entitled DIL around. Win-win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make other plans or rent someone else’s house. Then when mil finally clears it, you can refuse and tell her you’ve made other plans because she was so reluctant to help.

And then MIL will get to enjoy a week at her own beach house in peace, without her entitled DIL around. Win-win!

+1 not sure why the pp is casting this as some kind of “win” against the MIL when it doesn’t seem like she’s all that eager for them to use the house in the first place.

[Anonymous]

The dynamics around shared vacation places are always tricky. My DH and I both grew up going on vacation to a place we love. We ended up buying our own place in each location. He’s the black sheep in his family (for no reason at all other than crazy/codependent parents) and it annoyed all of them to no end that we now have a very nice place in the area we don’t need to share with the rest of them. My family is just thrilled we have xtra room for our extended family at the family place we’ve been going to for 80+ years, as are we. I’m sad that OP’s family sounds more like DH’s. In her shoes, I’d stop contributing, look for her own family place, and look for a different place to celebrate DD’s bday. The MIL sounds very disappointing, but you just have to take people that age as they come.

[Anonymous]

OP, your MIL's reluctance to press her nephew for dates could be a warning to you that she isn't contributing financially to the house anymore. Maybe he is paying the taxes, utilities, etc, and she doesn't think she has the right to ask for specific dates. Maybe she'll now be getting the leftovers.