Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah yes, the family beach house drama. Always a DCUM classic!

I can’t believe how people hold on to these dumps. Like the teenage daughter really wants to have her 16th there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah yes, the family beach house drama. Always a DCUM classic!

I can’t believe how people hold on to these dumps. Like the teenage daughter really wants to have her 16th there?

Some people love places for sentimental reasons. Who's to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and gave up commenting on this thread because of the intense projection and ascription of ulterior motives and nasty name-calling. LOL at the person who can spot a conniver a "mile away."

We don't want MIL's house. Ever. We go other places for vacations. I suppose we will inherit a portion someday, maybe, shared with about seven people and we will take a week here and there. If we don't, well, that's fine too, since we have other vacation spots we love. We literally just needed to plan our kid's birthday weekend where she has celebrated every year with two other girls.

That's IT. This isn't some murder mystery weekend where we want MIL to croak so we take up residence in a swanky beachfront estate. Oh yes, that post suggesting how fancy the house must be was pretty funny too. It is literally two bedrooms in a very humble community near a small, remote lake in western PA...Not St. Tropez. But I suppose the fantasy allows for more meanness. I am shaking my head.

Doesn't matter how big or small the place is. You asked MIL and didn't get thr answer you wanted. Your post sounded entitled.

In your opinion.

...wasn’t that what you were looking for when you posted though? Peoples opinions of your options and behavior? You got them...even if you didn’t like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and gave up commenting on this thread because of the intense projection and ascription of ulterior motives and nasty name-calling. LOL at the person who can spot a conniver a "mile away."

We don't want MIL's house. Ever. We go other places for vacations. I suppose we will inherit a portion someday, maybe, shared with about seven people and we will take a week here and there. If we don't, well, that's fine too, since we have other vacation spots we love. We literally just needed to plan our kid's birthday weekend where she has celebrated every year with two other girls.

That's IT. This isn't some murder mystery weekend where we want MIL to croak so we take up residence in a swanky beachfront estate. Oh yes, that post suggesting how fancy the house must be was pretty funny too. It is literally two bedrooms in a very humble community near a small, remote lake in western PA...Not St. Tropez. But I suppose the fantasy allows for more meanness. I am shaking my head.

Doesn't matter how big or small the place is. You asked MIL and didn't get thr answer you wanted. Your post sounded entitled.

NOT ONLY ENTITLED, but wants to create a fuss instead of doing the logical thing, which is to have DH deal with his own mother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is sending you a clear message that it's not your house. It belongs to her and the nephew. And she doesn't want your party at her house.

That's her right, but I would stop going to that beach house, stop hanging out with MIL and definitely stop spending any money on it or her.

are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Remote western PA... inland land... Indian Lake?



https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1185-Peninsula-Dr-Central-City-PA-15926/95001085_zpid/



https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/286-S-Peninsula-Dr-Central-City-PA-15926/221384285_zpid/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah yes, the family beach house drama. Always a DCUM classic!

I can’t believe how people hold on to these dumps. Like the teenage daughter really wants to have her 16th there?

Sometimes the beach "dump" is on Atlantic Ocean, Lake Champlain, Lake Michigan, Long Island Sound, Gulf of Mexico property worth millions.

[Anonymous]

so much jealousy on this thread. I've noticed that nothing brings the meanies out on DCUM like a vacation home thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so much jealousy on this thread. I've noticed that nothing brings the meanies out on DCUM like a vacation home thread.

My parents have a lake cottage. DH’s parents pay for a beach rental and invite us every year. And DH and I man our nuclear family vacations, sometimes inviting extended family, sometimes not.

I have never once expected certain weeks, or expected answers about dates/timing on my schedule. If I ever hear “no” or “I can’t answer that yet,” I accept those answers and don’t push. Sorry to thwart your theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so much jealousy on this thread. I've noticed that nothing brings the meanies out on DCUM like a vacation home thread.

My parents have a lake cottage. DH’s parents pay for a beach rental and invite us every year. And DH and I man our nuclear family vacations, sometimes inviting extended family, sometimes not.

I have never once expected certain weeks, or expected answers about dates/timing on my schedule. If I ever hear “no” or “I can’t answer that yet,” I accept those answers and don’t push. Sorry to thwart your theory.

Every family dynamic is different. This doesn't make you a superior person. It means your dynamic is different. Certain things really do require pre-planning: camp deposits, travel plans, and so forth do operate on an actual, concrete timetable. Do you have older children who are out of the house? Managing many childrens' schedules is different.

[Anonymous]

We don't have a lot of money but we saved up and bought a small beach house. Years ago my brother asked if we'd want to buy one together. I knew then that would be a bad idea. So glad I stuck to own plan and don't have to deal with the tension of being co-owners.

[Anonymous]

Rent another house. Stop making financial contributions towards the house that you don’t use and aren’t allowed to contact others about summer use. Or keep financially helping if you are able and want the house when your MIL dies.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't contribute if I could get time at the house with reasonable notice.

So. Stop paying for upkeep if things aren't being split up fairly. Next time someone asks for money, say no because the one time you wanted the house for a special occasion you were denied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so much jealousy on this thread. I've noticed that nothing brings the meanies out on DCUM like a vacation home thread.

My parents have a lake cottage. DH’s parents pay for a beach rental and invite us every year. And DH and I man our nuclear family vacations, sometimes inviting extended family, sometimes not.

I have never once expected certain weeks, or expected answers about dates/timing on my schedule. If I ever hear “no” or “I can’t answer that yet,” I accept those answers and don’t push. Sorry to thwart your theory.

Every family dynamic is different. This doesn't make you a superior person. It means your dynamic is different. Certain things really do require pre-planning: camp deposits, travel plans, and so forth do operate on an actual, concrete timetable. Do you have older children who are out of the house? Managing many childrens' schedules is different.

My husband and I both work full-time, and our kids are 7.5 and 5, thanks. We know all about schedules and activities.

Here's what we also know: There is one property on this Earth that we have a right to control: our own house.

With my parents' lake cottage, we appreciate both the time we are invited to spend there with my parents/siblings, and the time that we ask for and are granted for, say, when I've had a girls' week there with my girlfriends from college. Sometimes, we ask for certain dates, and it doesn't work because my parents have already invited their friends, or they have allowed my mom's brother to use it for a fishing trip, for example. And yes, sometimes I've asked for dates, but my parents can't get back to me right away, because they've got some moving parts to consider. It's all good, because it's THEIR COTTAGE.

With my ILs' beach rentals, we never say anything but thank you so much for inviting us. We never make a big fuss of timing, because it's *their* vacation that works for their schedule, and they are inviting us along. So yeah, I've cancelled a deposit-down summer camp before, because we would rather our kids see the grandparents, and the grandparents had already put down the deposit on THEIR rental.

We've also treated my parents and ILs to vacations. And we always say thank you, bring contributions, take them out to meals, etc. They've been generous. We do not feel entitled or put out if things don't line up exactly with our schedules, preferences, or wishes.

Because we're adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so much jealousy on this thread. I've noticed that nothing brings the meanies out on DCUM like a vacation home thread.

My parents have a lake cottage. DH’s parents pay for a beach rental and invite us every year. And DH and I man our nuclear family vacations, sometimes inviting extended family, sometimes not.

I have never once expected certain weeks, or expected answers about dates/timing on my schedule. If I ever hear “no” or “I can’t answer that yet,” I accept those answers and don’t push. Sorry to thwart your theory.

Every family dynamic is different. This doesn't make you a superior person. It means your dynamic is different. Certain things really do require pre-planning: camp deposits, travel plans, and so forth do operate on an actual, concrete timetable. Do you have older children who are out of the house? Managing many childrens' schedules is different.

My husband and I both work full-time, and our kids are 7.5 and 5, thanks. We know all about schedules and activities.

Here's what we also know: There is one property on this Earth that we have a right to control: our own house.

With my parents' lake cottage, we appreciate both the time we are invited to spend there with my parents/siblings, and the time that we ask for and are granted for, say, when I've had a girls' week there with my girlfriends from college. Sometimes, we ask for certain dates, and it doesn't work because my parents have already invited their friends, or they have allowed my mom's brother to use it for a fishing trip, for example. And yes, sometimes I've asked for dates, but my parents can't get back to me right away, because they've got some moving parts to consider. It's all good, because it's THEIR COTTAGE.

With my ILs' beach rentals, we never say anything but thank you so much for inviting us. We never make a big fuss of timing, because it's *their* vacation that works for their schedule, and they are inviting us along. So yeah, I've cancelled a deposit-down summer camp before, because we would rather our kids see the grandparents, and the grandparents had already put down the deposit on THEIR rental.

We've also treated my parents and ILs to vacations. And we always say thank you, bring contributions, take them out to meals, etc. They've been generous. We do not feel entitled or put out if things don't line up exactly with our schedules, preferences, or wishes.

Because we're adults.

I am sincerely confused as to why this strikes such a nerve for you that you keep asserting your lack of entitlement. In some families, being together doesn't require an "invitation." Also, your kids are young. Wait til they get older and schedules get. more complex. A toddler doesn't have the same schedule as a teen.