I overstepped. What now?
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Anonymous
You're being a drama queen. You're talking about 14 people. Seven couples! That's sh*t ton of non family invites. You overstepped. |
Anonymous
NP. You tell ALL of them that you made a mistake. You aren't uninviting them because, frankly, you weren't the host so you were not in the position to invite them. You tell them that your son and his fiancee are in charge of the invitations and those will be issued in the normal timeframe. |
Anonymous
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OP, it's a long ways off. Do not panic now. First of all stop talking about it. No more for awhile. Then make a point of not talking about it, specifically, with couples who may not get invited. Re: your past comments ~ these are adults. They will underIstand. Yes you can "uninvite". But you don't need to now. It is so far away, no reasonable adult is going to hold you to something you said 1+ years in advance -verbally- when you aren't the one hosting.
Btw, the word you need to learn is "intimate". An "intimate" wedding according to The Knot is any wedding 100 or less. Start using the word intimate. It's not wrong. But people will think it's even smaller than it will be. |
Anonymous
DP. Okay, stop being hyperbolic and ridiculous. Some of us are not threatened by our parents' friends. My husband and I happily invited all of my parents' friends whom my parents suggested we invite. We had a huge party with people ranging from 2 months to 103. It was a blast. If OP's son and his fiancee can only afford a small reception then that is a different story but don't act like the rest of us are so insecure that we didn't want our parents' friends at our weddings. Because we did. |
Anonymous
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18:24 You have to pull yourself together. There is a long road ahead of you. You are sounding kooky.
You will need to pull-back A LOT from talking about this to your friends. It's very far away. I understand you will need someone to talk to. Try to think of someone who's out of this circle, who would never expect to be invited to this wedding, but has had a wedding of their own children recently. You need a friend, and you may need to strengthen a bond with someone else. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand this mentality. The wedding is of 2 people. Not the MIL's friends. |
Anonymous
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OP, repeat to yourself: this wedding is NOT about me.
I have to say, the fact that you are like this with us makes me worried about what you think your role in your son's marriage is. You don't seem to get it. I feel like telling your DIL to RUN. |
Anonymous
Well, la dee da for you. But that's not how everybody thinks. One of our kids, for example, told us that they'd prefer not to be introduced to anyone at their wedding. They wanted to know everybody. It was their day, and we respected that. And guess what? Nobody was upset -- or even cared. |
Anonymous
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Not everyone accepts a wedding invitation. There’s a good chance that if you invite all seven, at least two of them won’t be able to attend. That would completely solve your problem.
Also, will you be hosting a rehearsal dinner? You could invite whomever you want to that. Yes, it’s usually just the wedding party, but today people invite lots of people to that event. The bride’s family will host the wedding reception and can control that guest list, but if you are hosting the rehearsal dinner, you can control that guest list. Or, just have a big party at your home or venue of your choice to celebrate the love of your son and his fiancée. |
Anonymous
| I think it's awesome you've realized it this early in the game. My husband and I got married many years ago, but I felt pretty strongly about not having to invite anyone that one of us hadn't met. That meant that of course all family was invited (and we have huge families) and then we thought of the family friends with whom WE felt close or who we knew had pretty really close/supportive of our parents over the years. That meant like 3 couples for my dad; for my mom (divorced from my dad), the list could go on all day. She is just a person with lots of close friends and various circles that don't overlap (work, local politics, book group, etc etc). She hosted a big post-wedding party at her home that was very relaxed and allowed my husband to meet lots of people with whom my mom is connected, and to actually spend some time with them, which was lovely. I highly recommend this. |
Anonymous
It is shocking how many of you are unfamiliar with basic wedding etiquette. YOu don't invite people who are not invited to the actual wedding and reception to wedding-related events! It's a gift grab, and it highlights that they didn't "make the cut." Wow. |
Anonymous
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Ha ha... I’m Indian so what OP did is totally not bothersome. Traditional Indian weddings are “big tent” affairs and the parents/aunts&uncles/cousins are as much as part of it as the bride and groom, so you invite their friends too. I think I invited 15 couples who were friends of my parents (and had known me since I was young). OP invited 7 when she was limited to 5, that’s not a huge crime, and chances are 2 couples might end up having conflicts anyway, especially if it requires travel.
Anyway, OP, if you feel close to your son, you can ask him (nicely and only once) if there’s any wiggle room, and sure, offer to contribute if it’s merely a budget issue. Or perhaps 5 was an arbitrary number they came up with, and they are willing to be gracious to add 2 more. If it’s a venue capacity issue, then you’re out of luck, sorry. If you have more than 5/7 you want to invite, I see no problem with throwing a really nice reception for them. This is very common in my culture when the bride and groom are from different cities. You have the wedding in one city (usually the bride’s) and then the groom’s family hosts a fancy reception for all of their family and friends in their city. It’s not viewed as a cash grab, but merely a way to make it convenient for everyone to see the couple. Very few attend both, except closest family. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous]Ps you absolutely do not offer to pay for extra guests. This was your mistake and it does not matter who pays for what, it’s not your guest list and it’s not your event and you need to call your friends and explain and apologize.
This won’t be a big deal. People will accept your apology and your son will forgive you. But you need to just bite down and address it and take responsibility. This is ridiculous. We allowed both sets of parents to invite 10 couples, however my parents had 3 more couples that they really wanted to invite. With us it was a matter of budget... we had plenty of space, so they said they'd pay for the extra 3 & we were fine with that. OP, if it's a matter of budget, I'd ask them if you can pay (it can't hurt to ask), but if it's a matter of not having enough space at the wedding reception for more people, then don't even ask. |
Anonymous
| OP, if you throw a reception in your town, many people will opt out of attending the wedding, and then you'll be able to have all seven at the hometown event and a few at the wedding too. It's a nice step down to offer for people who don't actually want to make a long trip to whereever the wedding is. Maybe you can float that idea to your son and it will take the pressure off. When I got married my MIL wanted to do this, and at first it made me uncomfortable, then I realized that my hometown was pretty far away and she had people she cared about who really had a hard time traveling, so she saw it as a kindness to them. |
Anonymous
Bwahahaha! Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? "basic wedding etiquette" 🤣 Take the stick out of your ass, because all of that untreated anxiety that you're struggling with is terrible for your health. |