I overstepped. What now?
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Anonymous
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I made a mistake and want to correct it. Advice, please.
My son and his fiancée are getting married in May of 2022. They just got engaged. I told a few close couples to save the date and have details about venue, etc. I was excited. Son and fiancée are now telling me that DH and o can only invite five couples. (All family are already on the guest list.) I told seven couples details. Bride's family is paying. Do I offer to pay for extra people? How do I make this better? I can't u invite anyone. I realize they have not finalized the guest list. I just got excited. |
Anonymous
| You tell everyone what you did, and apologize. You tell your son right away and explain that you were very wrong and you will now try to clean it up. You call the couples you told and explain that you were wrong about the wedding, that you didn’t have the right information and you way overstepped and that you are mortified and you apologize. |
Anonymous
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You tell ALL the "few close couples" you told that you made a mistake, and just got excited. Son and fiance are excited to get married, but this is their wedding and they have not decided on the size or guest list yet. Tell them to ignore what you said earlier.
Apologize to them preemptively inviting people to a party that is not yours, and apologize to your son and fiance for overstepping. |
Anonymous
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Ps you absolutely do not offer to pay for extra guests. This was your mistake and it does not matter who pays for what, it’s not your guest list and it’s not your event and you need to call your friends and explain and apologize.
This won’t be a big deal. People will accept your apology and your son will forgive you. But you need to just bite down and address it and take responsibility. |
Anonymous
| Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples? |
Anonymous
| You will be the in-law from hell if you start saying you want to add more guests (even if offering to pay). Don’t ruin your child’s future life. Apologize to your friends for YOUR mistake and then learn to take a back seat. |
Anonymous
| This reeks of OP posting like a MIL. Not buying a word of it. |
Anonymous
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You let it fall by the wayside. Chances are the people you blubber to will forget about or not over- think especially since the wedding is a year+ away.
Don't bring it up in conversation again. If it does come up, down play it and emphasize the bride is keeping numbers super low. then pivot subject. |
Anonymous
Absolutely not. You tell the couples that it was inappropriate of you to invite anyone. As of now, none of them are invited - it's out of your hands. This has nothing to do with money. |
Anonymous
This is THEIR wedding, not yours. |
Anonymous
NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand? |
Anonymous
Please don't do this. The issue isn't 100% about cost. In fact, for most people that's probably the least of the issue. |
Anonymous
| You COULd offer to throw a party (yes at your cost)after the wedding, and invite those guests. But check with the couple first. |
Anonymous
I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault. |
Anonymous
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If you are so loathe to tell these couples they may not end up being invited to the actual wedding, then start planning a party in honor of the newlyweds so you CAN control the guest list.
Honestly, most people would be relieved to know they don't have to go to a wedding. Parties are much better. |