I overstepped. What now?
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Anonymous
This. He should not be expected to have firm numbers 14 months before the wedding at all! Or maybe he thought 10 seats will be enough because not everyone will RSVP. OP, it seems like you are trying the old "ask forgiveness, not permission". You are the only person who has violated etiquette here. And now you are trying to use the rules of etiquette to force your son and his fiancee to give you what you want. Sorry but that is not how this works. And really, really think before you start off your MIL-DIL relationship with boundary violations, inconsiderateness, and manipulation. This is going in a bad direction. |
Anonymous
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To take OP at her word, she has a tight knit group of 8 couples that basically do everything together. I DO see that as plausible b/c I myself am part of a close group of seven families. We all get together very regularly and our kids are growing up together, though as they get older they are not all very close friends. We have all vacationed together and rely on eachother for help and support for everything as simple as moving furniture to helping one of us through cancer.
Setting aside that she was very wrong to "invite" them to her son's wedding preemptively, because she absolutely was. On the facts as stated, I do not think she would be wrong to have a conversation with her son and ask questions about whether it would be possible to add two more couples, to ask how many non-family guests they are inviting, to see what their rationale is, and if it seems appropriate in the conversation, to ask to pay for two more if she can help come up with a solution for seating (the family doesn't take up exactly four tables and a couple of the couples could sit with them, etc.) After one candid and gentle conversation, she can let it go and make the tough decision. When I got married nearly two decades ago it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that we not have children at the reception. We paid for a "kids room" at the venue complete with trained childcare providers and entertainment, etc. Still, one of my DH's cousins had an infant (maybe 6 months) who was uncomfortable leaving her baby with strangers and asked if she could bring the baby. I said no, something about not wanting to set the precedent and everybody would want to bring their kids and having a vision for my wedding or somesuch. The cousin did not come. I regret it to this day. What a silly and petty thing for me to have been strict about at the expense of inclusiveness. I say that because I really wonder if all the posters attacking OP are either very close to their wedding day and lack the perspective or just have issues with their own MIL... |
Anonymous
A wedding is not just a party. It is the coming together of two families. The parents of the bride and groom are not just invitees to the wedding, they are the parents. They reared these two people who have turned out to be the loves of each other’s lives. If you don’t think they’re a little more important to the day than simply guests who have been invited to a party, I don’t know what to say. Unless the parents of the bride are very poor and are hoping to get the groom’s parents chip in for half of the reception costs, I just don’t see the big deal of the groom’s parents paying for four additional meals. |
Anonymous
| OP, what seems most worrisome is you have no concept of time and how far away this is. Chill. It will likely all work out if you don't force it. |