I overstepped. What now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They might want numbers from you. We had a family only wedding and I asked for addresses. Mil gave me a list of 30 extra families and neighbors she wanted invited (like 60 more people). Dh and I were so shocked we didn’t know what to do. We thought she’d ask for 2 friends. We were paying for it ourselves. Dh wouldn’t talk to his mom and I wasn’t about to start being the bad dil so we just had family only wedding and they didn’t get any friends. We wanted to invite a few of hers though.

I mean, sorry both you and CH don't have spines. Or mouths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?

NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?

I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.

Simple. You are not inviting any of them. This is not your wedding. You will be busy with your family during the wedding so you won’t be bored.

If they ask you laugh and say I was so excited and got carried away that I forgot I wasn’t in charge of the guest list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?

NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?

I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.

Simple. You are not inviting any of them. This is not your wedding. You will be busy with your family during the wedding so you won’t be bored.

If they ask you laugh and say I was so excited and got carried away that I forgot I wasn’t in charge of the guest list

This is not uninviting. You told them to save the date. If they thought that was an actual invitation that is their fault. Tell all of them that you overstepped and the engaged couple will be making guest list decisions in the months to come.

[Anonymous]

Or you could get with the 21st century and pay 50% of the wedding with the brides family. Instead if whining about not getting friends.

[Anonymous]

They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.

[Anonymous]

If you are a close circle of 7 and you can’t cut anyone out, then you have to cut them all. You tell them what the pp’s said about a limited guest list and that the bride’s family is paying. I understand you are likely closer to these 7 than some family members but you need to keep the peace with your son and future dil. If your son grew up with the 7 families and didn’t say anything to his fiancée, that is a bit odd but nothing you can do about it. If the wedding is out of town, not everyone on your side will attend anyway. If your friends see pictures and see that the bride and groom have friends there as well as the bride’s family, you can say that you were limited to family only since you were not the hostess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.

"Very small wedding" is a face-saving euphemism that people will understand. Yes, they will see, and they will understand. The line has to be drawn somewhere and this is YOUR issue and YOUR mistake and if it affects your friendships that is not your son's problems.

If you are so concerned about etiquette you should not have caused this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?

NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?

I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.

You don't! You tell them all that you were horribly, horribly wrong and that it's not your wedding and you are not in control of the venue capacity or the guest list. They'll understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?

No. Offer to throw an engagement party. Or if they aren't getting married where you live, a hometown party after their wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?

NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?

I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.

You don't! You tell them all that you were horribly, horribly wrong and that it's not your wedding and you are not in control of the venue capacity or the guest list. They'll understand.

This. Look, you do not have to choose. Uninvite them all now, and figure it out later. If you are lucky two of them will have a conflict and it will be fine in the end.

Ultimately it is your son and his fiancee's choice and not yours. You did not have the power to directly invite and what you are rescinding is not a real invitation anyway.

[Anonymous]

Your friends will all understand your screw up. They'll be mortified on your behalf. And no one will care if they're ultimately not invited. A) it's not your wedding, it's your son's wedding! It's up to him which of them to invite, if any and B) weddings can be fun but they really aren't a big deal. None of your friends are going to sweat this. And if they do...it's your fault! You have to accept responsibility for that if it happens and just muddle through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.

Crazy idea here...what if you let your son invite the couples he feels closest to since this day is about him not you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.

Crazy idea here...what if you let your son invite the couples he feels closest to since this day is about him not you?

They have ALL supported him and been part of our family over the years. This is a very close circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.

OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.

Crazy idea here...what if you let your son invite the couples he feels closest to since this day is about him not you?

They have ALL supported him and been part of our family over the years. This is a very close circle.

He obviously feels differently or he would have said you get seven couples or included them on his list.