I overstepped. What now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell ALL the "few close couples" you told that you made a mistake, and just got excited. Son and fiance are excited to get married, but this is their wedding and they have not decided on the size or guest list yet. Tell them to ignore what you said earlier.

Apologize to them preemptively inviting people to a party that is not yours, and apologize to your son and fiance for overstepping.

This. Just come clean and apologize to all involved with sincerity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You COULd offer to throw a party (yes at your cost)after the wedding, and invite those guests. But check with the couple first.

Nooooooo, you never invite people who aren't invited to the wedding to any sort of shower or party related to the wedding. Can you say "gift grab"? So tacky.

[Anonymous]

OP, try to understand that the cost is just one factor. COVID is likely to still be an issue for large gatherings even in May 2022. And a big guest list limits their options for venues and makes everything more complicated to plan. And if your son and his fiancee tolerate this from you, then they'll have to give her parents extra invites too and that will make it even bigger, and maybe you'll go on to mess up again and invite more people. You need to take this lesson to heart and STOP doing anything for the wedding. Just let them enjoy their engagement without you causing any more stress.

You absolutely can call people and tell them you overstepped. This is not un-inviting anyone. Un-inviting is when they are actually invited by the bride and/or groom and then the invitation is rescinded. This is just you admitting you messed up and if these people are truly your friends they will understand. Your friends should not consider themselves invited, especially with the wedding more than a year away, until they receive an invitation or at least a verbal invitation, from the engaged couple directly.

[Anonymous]

Can you see how tacky is it to offer to pay for “a few extra couples” when her parents are paying for all of your other friends and family who are invited? That aside, do you realize how entitled it sounds for you to decide the size of the event because you were too self-important to remember your manners?

Are there other life events of your son’s you’re planning to make all about you? If so, seek therapy now before you’re the person on this board estranged for “no reason”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a mistake and want to correct it. Advice, please.

My son and his fiancée are getting married in May of 2022. They just got engaged. I told a few close couples to save the date and have details about venue, etc. I was excited.

Son and fiancée are now telling me that DH and o can only invite five couples. (All family are already on the guest list.) I told seven couples details. Bride's family is paying. Do I offer to pay for extra people? How do I make this better? I can't u invite anyone. I realize they have not finalized the guest list. I just got excited.

Yes you have to un invite people. They should understand if you explain. Do not offer to pay. Covid is perfect excuse and thatyour son/dil want a small intimate affair.

[Anonymous]

Seven is not "a few". And does anyone really have seven close couples? You need to open your eyes to what you did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a mistake and want to correct it. Advice, please.

My son and his fiancée are getting married in May of 2022. They just got engaged. I told a few close couples to save the date and have details about venue, etc. I was excited.

Son and fiancée are now telling me that DH and o can only invite five couples. (All family are already on the guest list.) I told seven couples details. Bride's family is paying. Do I offer to pay for extra people? How do I make this better? I can't u invite anyone. I realize they have not finalized the guest list. I just got excited.

Yes you have to un invite people. They should understand if you explain. Do not offer to pay. Covid is perfect excuse and thatyour son/dil want a small intimate affair.

Agree! This is no big deal. If they are lifelong friends, they will understand. Would you forgive someone in the same circumstance? So forgive yourself!

[Anonymous]

Even if my in laws paid I didn’t want their friends at my wedding. It was family only and our best friends who were in bridal party.

I would tell your friends that the guest list is finalized and it looks like it will likely be family only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if my in laws paid I didn’t want their friends at my wedding. It was family only and our best friends who were in bridal party.

I would tell your friends that the guest list is finalized and it looks like it will likely be family only.

But they will see it won't be with pictures and everything! It's not family only. If it were family only, it wouldn't be this difficult. I'm trying to fix this, but I cannot lie and say family only when clearly it won't be.

[Anonymous]

Also, learn from this mistake. Don’t be like my MIL who told all her friends I was pregnant when I asked that they not announce it yet (I hadn’t told my friends even!) and then we lost the baby. I had so many randoms writing on my Facebook wall and calling me. And coming up to me months later. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has had to deal with their child getting married will understand. Guest lists can be really difficult. And if they are really your close friends they will quickly forgive you for getting over-excited. You saw a bright spot in a dark year and you wanted to share your joy with them. It's okay. Just tell them and it will all be forgotten! And some of them will probably be secretly relieved anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if my in laws paid I didn’t want their friends at my wedding. It was family only and our best friends who were in bridal party.

I would tell your friends that the guest list is finalized and it looks like it will likely be family only.

But they will see it won't be with pictures and everything! It's not family only. If it were family only, it wouldn't be this difficult. I'm trying to fix this, but I cannot lie and say family only when clearly it won't be.

You say you don’t know who they’re inviting yet. Which is the truth.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll.

OP of course you uninvite them. It's not about money.

You made your poorly made bed, excitedly. Now go lay in it. (or is it lie in it?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if my in laws paid I didn’t want their friends at my wedding. It was family only and our best friends who were in bridal party.

I would tell your friends that the guest list is finalized and it looks like it will likely be family only.

But they will see it won't be with pictures and everything! It's not family only. If it were family only, it wouldn't be this difficult. I'm trying to fix this, but I cannot lie and say family only when clearly it won't be.

You say you don’t know who they’re inviting yet. Which is the truth.

This. Tell them the guest list is not finished yet. Frankly, it shouldn't be considered finished at 14 months out even if the engaged couple thinks it is. You don't have a final guest list until you have signed with a venue that can accommodate that guest list.

[Anonymous]

They might want numbers from you. We had a family only wedding and I asked for addresses. Mil gave me a list of 30 extra families and neighbors she wanted invited (like 60 more people). Dh and I were so shocked we didn’t know what to do. We thought she’d ask for 2 friends. We were paying for it ourselves. Dh wouldn’t talk to his mom and I wasn’t about to start being the bad dil so we just had family only wedding and they didn’t get any friends. We wanted to invite a few of hers though.