Parents of (partially) Asian kids - are you worried about anti-Asian bullying/harassment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP in this area you’re going to see “nice white” racism. People won’t call your kids slurs and won’t physically harm them. But if your kids do well in school, they’re going to assume it was because you had a Tiger mom stance with them and they do kumon and tons of outside enrichment. They’ll place model minority expectations on your kids. In this area, I have had women say to my face they moved out of their perfectly nice neighborhood because it was predominantly south Asian and they didn’t want their kids in a school with no white peer group and where they would struggle to academically stand out against Asian kids. That’s the kind of BS that passes for acceptable among the parents in this area.

In this area, which is deep blue and filled with “All are Welcome” signs.

I mean you see that in Red areas too. Its not uncommon.

https://psmag.com/news/ghosts-of-white-people-past-witnessing-white-flight-from-an-asian-ethnoburb

Well, when the wasp dominated order feels threatened academically (first it was by Jews, now it’s Asians), it recalibrates to try to retain its grip on power. Test optional. Holistic review. Jokes about Tiger Parents. That said, I don’t see any outreach by Asians interested in living in no majority white communities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People don't take Asian or white racial grievance seriously OP. I'm not saying it's right or wrong but just some practical advice would be to teach your children how to react when faced with common trash who sling racial slurs at you. Being the "white man with a lawyer" won't get you anywhere with FCPS as they will just buckle down and ride your money out.

LOL You forgot to add that everyone's a lawyer or married to a lawyer in FCPS. This area has the most educated population in the country. Unless you have a dual PhD/JD or PhD/MD - you aren't special. And even then, you're one among thousands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. This thread sort of took a turn...systemic and institutional racism in the US is a problem, and it affects all marginalized populations. It needs to be addressed for sure, and we all need to vote to put decent human beings in public offices, so policies can change for the better - less discrimination, less violence, less poverty.
However, I started this post because I was seeing COVID-induced anti-Asian hate crimes, my white American husband was very worried that our half Asian children might be subjected to this kind of hate and aggression. What can we do to protect them? What can we do to prepare to deal with issues, if/when they come up? We've had a very bad experience in the past, and we don't want to make the same mistake again meaning, wasting a bunch of time and our emotional energy dancing around with the school administration and teachers to not hurt these ignorant, racist white perpetrators' feelings. One example of the dance - one kid thought our son was black and used the slur for black people, told him to go back to his country, go back to Africa. My son called him an idiot, he wasn't from Africa, Africa isn't a country. Asst. Principal wanted my son to apologize to the kid for calling him an idiot. We said hell no, have that other kid apologize to him for using the slur - they said, well, he didn't "mean it" plus your son is not black, so what's the big deal? Ugh. Makes my blood boil just remembering that day.

I’m so sorry that happened to your kid. 100% unacceptable from the kid saying it through the Admin, whose jobs would be on the line if they pulled that crap here. And that should never happen here. But I won’t say it won’t, because it’s a big school system and sometimes people are just scum. Certainly, it would not be accepted. The other students— white and Asian— in the school would call it out before the teacher and Admin sat that kid and his parents down and serious consequences were imposed for hate speech. This area made it through the Trump area remarkably well for such a diverse community. Not only do we not tolerate that we actively do not want it. There should be no Admins dancing. There should be an apology to your child and swift consequences. We are so over Trump era crap.

As you can tell, the ongoing conversation here is about inherent bias and systemic racism. We are struggling with it as a community, but at least we are addressing it and trying. For an Asian parent, the biggest issue is almost certainly going to be perceptions about hypercomeptive academics and tiger parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again. This thread sort of took a turn...systemic and institutional racism in the US is a problem, and it affects all marginalized populations. It needs to be addressed for sure, and we all need to vote to put decent human beings in public offices, so policies can change for the better - less discrimination, less violence, less poverty.
However, I started this post because I was seeing COVID-induced anti-Asian hate crimes, my white American husband was very worried that our half Asian children might be subjected to this kind of hate and aggression. What can we do to protect them? What can we do to prepare to deal with issues, if/when they come up? We've had a very bad experience in the past, and we don't want to make the same mistake again meaning, wasting a bunch of time and our emotional energy dancing around with the school administration and teachers to not hurt these ignorant, racist white perpetrators' feelings. One example of the dance - one kid thought our son was black and used the slur for black people, told him to go back to his country, go back to Africa. My son called him an idiot, he wasn't from Africa, Africa isn't a country. Asst. Principal wanted my son to apologize to the kid for calling him an idiot. We said hell no, have that other kid apologize to him for using the slur - they said, well, he didn't "mean it" plus your son is not black, so what's the big deal? Ugh. Makes my blood boil just remembering that day.

Sorry to hear this. It’s the reality in America no matter where you go. Maybe less blatant here but still present.

I’ve got your back and know many others do too. Ignore those who will pressure you to be “reasonable” or who try to minimize things. I’m not sure how FCPS will handle things, they are somewhat progressive but many white people as evidenced here have no knowledge of their bias and blind spots. FCPS fairly clumsily handled the George Floyd and BLM movement amount students. This is typically a white liberal area and so they’ll acknowledge and talk about race up until it starts being uncomfortable or inconvenient.

To be fair to FCPS, it has handled Trump era politics and hate speech remarkably well considering the diversity of the community and out probity to all thing Trump. FCPS *didn’t* handle the George Floyd death and BLM movement because the kids were all home, maybe in distance learning, but giving the smashing success /s of the rollout, probably not. It wasn’t on their radar. They were too busy mangling the pandemic response.

[Anonymous]

OP - I grew up and lived in MoCo and then to te SF Bay Area. My observations - east coast Asians are more recent and expected to assimilate. West coast Asians have been around for generations, have activist groups and are more outspoken. That was 20 years ago when I made that observation, I think things are more even now on the east coast in terms of activism. Expect micro aggressions and ignorance everywhere. But I’ve never experienced outright hostility. I wonder if the pandemic has changed things though - i’d still rather be in the DMV over the south any day... you couldn’t pay me to move there, unless it was a major hub.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are part Asian and the only race-based bullying any of them encountered in school was from Asian kids who claimed for various reasons they couldn’t really be part Asian.

Was going to say similar. My child can't speak the language is one issue the other child had with my child.

[Anonymous]

It’s a good and important question and the answers have been interesting. However, I feel like I need to point out that your husband sounds nuts! I hope your children have good experiences.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to NOVA and the Marshall pyramid. I've had one child graduate through here and another nearly done. I don't think you'll have any troubles with racial bullying. It's an incredibly diverse community. The bullying I've seen is girl-on-girl and it's "mean girl" sort of stuff, not racial at all.

[Anonymous]

I was a teacher in FCPS and I never saw any anti-Asian bigotry and I haven't as a parent either. Other prejudices, yes - racism against black and brown people, anti-semitism occasionally, anti-Muslim, but not anti-Asian, unless you count the stupid "where are you from" comments that ignorant people sometimes make.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I’m a little concerned, if you mean specifically in regards to Covid-related issues. Absolutely. It already happened to my friend’s daughter before school shut down last March- mocking her and saying she caused coronavirus. I worry that now a year later, after so much bad stuff has happened, people will look to scapegoat Asian Americans. Don’t be fooled into thinking that because this area is diverse that it can’t and won’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
LOL You forgot to add that everyone's a lawyer or married to a lawyer in FCPS. This area has the most educated population in the country. Unless you have a dual PhD/JD or PhD/MD - you aren't special. And even then, you're one among thousands.

off topic, but DH and I joke that we are under achievers around here as we only have a bachelors. And we are White/Asian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a teacher in FCPS and I never saw any anti-Asian bigotry and I haven't as a parent either. Other prejudices, yes - racism against black and brown people, anti-semitism occasionally, anti-Muslim, but not anti-Asian, unless you count the stupid "where are you from" comments that ignorant people sometimes make.

Then you never sat in the IEP meeting with an Indian family that had a kid with learning disabilities and the school suggested that the parent just step up and do more at home and hire a tutor while continuing to deny services to their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I grew up and lived in MoCo and then to te SF Bay Area. My observations - east coast Asians are more recent and expected to assimilate. West coast Asians have been around for generations, have activist groups and are more outspoken. That was 20 years ago when I made that observation, I think things are more even now on the east coast in terms of activism. Expect micro aggressions and ignorance everywhere. But I’ve never experienced outright hostility. I wonder if the pandemic has changed things though - i’d still rather be in the DMV over the south any day... you couldn’t pay me to move there, unless it was a major hub.

yes it has.. I'm reading/hearing about upticks in Asian related hate crime due to covid in CA, too.

And I agree with bolded, too, about living in the DC area vs the South (hell no).

I grew up in CA, both SoCal and Bay Area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teacher in FCPS and I never saw any anti-Asian bigotry and I haven't as a parent either. Other prejudices, yes - racism against black and brown people, anti-semitism occasionally, anti-Muslim, but not anti-Asian, unless you count the stupid "where are you from" comments that ignorant people sometimes make.

Then you never sat in the IEP meeting with an Indian family that had a kid with learning disabilities and the school suggested that the parent just step up and do more at home and hire a tutor while continuing to deny services to their child.

Honestly, though, I don't think that was due to the child's race.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to DCUM OP. As you've seen from this thread, the issues you will encounter will not be just from the Trumpers, you will also encounter Anti-Asian discrimination from the left too. It's a lose-lose situation in this area.

The right will call you names and openly say nasty things to your face. The left will be less vocal to your face, but talk sh*t about you behind your back and then call you too sensitive if you bring it up.

The right will side eye you as you walk by and look at you like you're an alien when you walk in a store. The left will work to change legislation because having too many Asian kids in a school means they are all cheaters, racists, and memorization drones.

The left is ignorant and racist. The right use their degrees to justify their ignorance and racism.


Teach your kid to stand up for him/herself. Make sure you do too and don't back down to either of the looney sides that try to tear you down.

Very carefully choose who you vote for, make sure they have YOUR interests in mind too. Don't vote on party lines. Really talk to the candidates and see where they stand. Look at their track record, not just listen to their promises. Think long term for your future generations.