Parents of (partially) Asian kids - are you worried about anti-Asian bullying/harassment?

[Anonymous]

My high school aged kid is half Asian and has been in fcps for almost every year of school and he’s never been bullied about it. He’s been asked a few times what race he is and explained he was half Asian and half white. I’m so surprised to hear that there is bullying or racism towards Asian kids. That has not been the case in the schools we’ve been in.

[Anonymous]

We're asian and harassment from whites is rare. You' more likely to hear POC making rude comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're asian and harassment from whites is rare. You' more likely to hear POC making rude comment.

I can agree with this. The worst year of my life was the year I worked in the back of a restaurant with Central Americans. All Asians are Chinese (Chino) to them. They called me Chinchita all the time and made slanted eyes gestures. I smiled and had to pretend like it didn't bother me, but I hated it. Thankfully I was able to graduate from GMU and move on with my life.

[Anonymous]

Not in the DC area, OP.

[Anonymous]

What school zone Op?

In all seriousness, most of us are choosing to live in this area because it’s diverse, not despite it. We like the school Chinese Lunar New Year’s celebrations and getting diawali gifts from neighbors (and great pho!!, speaking of a lunch craving of a cold day). It makes our kids lives richer and their worlds larger.

The biggest problem your kids might face Op is a white dad who comes into the community with a lawyer on speed dial. That’s very off putting in a community that prides itself on multicularism. Especially when it’s the white guy doing it. Not wanting your kids around racial nastiness includes not wanting your kid around the guy with a lawyers on speed dial searching every interaction your kids have with non-Asians for signs of racial nastiness. Because kids will get stuff wrong or ask questions that seem insensitive. That’s inevitable in such a multicultural place. If your husband, a white guy, leads with “racism” and not “mistake we should correct so it doesn’t happen again” that’s going to be a problem. Because he’s a white adult making the same assumptions he’s accusing white kids of making.

[Anonymous]

Fox Mill Elementary School, and Great Falls ES have Japanese Immersion language programs. There are two ES that have Korean Immersion programs. The MS and HS that those schools feed into have continuing language classes in Japanese or Korean. Maybe those are good areas to explore buying a house.

[Anonymous]

I’m from the rural South OP. This is not there.

People does tend to chose where they live based on affinity. Western Fairfax and Loudoun are heavily UMC white and Asian. Eastern Fairfax gets poorer Asian and Hispanic. UMC AA often live in DC of PG county. And Parts of MoCo are super woke. But these are generalizations.

I know that the white and Asian communities in Western Fairfax are tightly integrated by shared the common values of well educated adults trying to raise successful, well educated kids. To that extend, it should be a great choice to raise biracial kids because they aren’t being asks to choose which race.

[Anonymous]

I’m white, but this will never happen, if I was Asian I wouldn’t be worried.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are in the Marshall HS pyramid.

It is difficult - husband and I can't seem to agree, like to stand on the same page - I'm not the type to go out "looking" for racism - we all make mistakes, especially kids, even when they're older like in HS, and we might ask the "wrong" question, etc. My response to that is not the lawyer and the immediate "transition offense" but a conversation to understand each other and to see if there is a way forward. He thinks I'm in la la land, that it's irresponsible for us to not do anything to protect them, because the schools, teachers, and other parents won't do anything. I don't think our job is to protect them from every adversity but to equip them to handle and overcome adversity, whether this adversity is racism/bullying or something else. My hope is that they will find "allies" aka good friends. Sigh. It makes me sad that he and I want the same thing (safe learning environment for kids) but seem to have completely different views of the world and the people around us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, but this will never happen, if I was Asian I wouldn’t be worried.

Umm.no... it does happen, but not frequently, and I wouldn't worry about it here. That sh1t doesn't go down well here.

-Asian person with half white/asian kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in the Marshall HS pyramid.

It is difficult - husband and I can't seem to agree, like to stand on the same page - I'm not the type to go out "looking" for racism - we all make mistakes, especially kids, even when they're older like in HS, and we might ask the "wrong" question, etc. My response to that is not the lawyer and the immediate "transition offense" but a conversation to understand each other and to see if there is a way forward. He thinks I'm in la la land, that it's irresponsible for us to not do anything to protect them, because the schools, teachers, and other parents won't do anything. I don't think our job is to protect them from every adversity but to equip them to handle and overcome adversity, whether this adversity is racism/bullying or something else. My hope is that they will find "allies" aka good friends. Sigh. It makes me sad that he and I want the same thing (safe learning environment for kids) but seem to have completely different views of the world and the people around us.

I think your DH should be commended for being your kids' champion and worrying about their well being. However, he needs to be careful about not seeing racism in every little thing or over reacting to anything remotely racist. That won't help matters.

I agree with you that kids need to learn reslience and how to deal with hatred and bullies because they will face sh1t like this all throughout their lives.

If something should happen, instead of having a lawyer on speed dial, I would first bring it up with the administration and see where that goes. As others have stated, around here, the administrators are fairly "woke".

I really wouldnt worry too much.

-Asian person

[Anonymous]

Thank you, fellow Asian person (lol).
I think husband is a bit traumatized from our last school (suburban, very white public school) where we had issues, and nobody (administration, teachers, other parents) took it seriously and blamed our kid for reacting badly and escalating the situation (i.e. this white kid was saying racist things to his face while waving his hand around my kid's face. My kid brushed the other kid's arm away from his face, told him to stop). Husband was so frustrated and disappointed by these things happening repeatedly. So I understand his concerns, but I also fee like here is different (we used to live in Bethesda before we had kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in the Marshall HS pyramid.

It is difficult - husband and I can't seem to agree, like to stand on the same page - I'm not the type to go out "looking" for racism - we all make mistakes, especially kids, even when they're older like in HS, and we might ask the "wrong" question, etc. My response to that is not the lawyer and the immediate "transition offense" but a conversation to understand each other and to see if there is a way forward. He thinks I'm in la la land, that it's irresponsible for us to not do anything to protect them, because the schools, teachers, and other parents won't do anything. I don't think our job is to protect them from every adversity but to equip them to handle and overcome adversity, whether this adversity is racism/bullying or something else. My hope is that they will find "allies" aka good friends. Sigh. It makes me sad that he and I want the same thing (safe learning environment for kids) but seem to have completely different views of the world and the people around us.

Welcome to the area! You have a lot of good advice on here and at least your husband is well intentioned. FYI I’m the white mom with the son who has primarily Asian friends. We are also in the Marshall pyramid. How old are your children and are they involved in any activities or sports?

[Anonymous]

^ I saw you said MS. Are they at Kilmer? Will they be returning in person?

[Anonymous]

Marshall. Southern white suburban Hs. Night and day. Go with your gut on this OP. I’d encourage you to get your kids back in person as much as possible and to engage with school based music, drama, academic teams... whatever they can. Or club sports. It’s the fastest and easiest way to socialize.

I think you’ll find they end up in a nice white/Asian mix, with some of the white kids being 1st Gen. We’re in a nearby pyramid and DD’s 2 closest friends are 1st Gen Indian and 1st Gen Eastern European.

And tell your husband that if he leads with lawyers and protecting your kids, he’s going to end up creating a situation where other kids and families don’t want to be around your family. Walking into a school like Marshall which is so multinational— as a white guy— and demanding protection for his kids is going to go over badly with the whole community.