Parents of (partially) Asian kids - are you worried about anti-Asian bullying/harassment?

[Anonymous]

Yes, kids are sporty and play in rec leagues right now, and hopefully do a different sport in the spring. And yes, our plan is for them to go back in-person, which is why this conversation started...husband is more worried about anti-Asian aggression at school than COVID. Do you think it'd be a good idea for us to "casually" share this concern with their current MS administration before in-person starts?

[Anonymous]

Also, btw, my own experience here so far has been great. And kids seem to be ok, meaning, aside from expected quarantine stress, they have "friends" to play video games with, etc. --OP

[Anonymous]

What should be our plan, if something WERE to happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, kids are sporty and play in rec leagues right now, and hopefully do a different sport in the spring. And yes, our plan is for them to go back in-person, which is why this conversation started...husband is more worried about anti-Asian aggression at school than COVID. Do you think it'd be a good idea for us to "casually" share this concern with their current MS administration before in-person starts?

I mean, the Admin at all schools is going insane right now trying to crank back up after a year. So, no. This isn’t what I would do to them. But if you approach it as “we’ve had a bad experience and are concerned,” good Admins will say reassuring things and not be offended. If you go at it with a “I’m putting you on notice I’m watching attitude,” good Admins will say the same reassuring things and raise a flag in the school, and not in a good way. Because they will rightly believe your family is likely to cause racial unrest or huge PITA.

Really, I have a lot of criticism for FCPS this year, but school based Admins are the ones dealing with lots of parents and staff who are unhappy about that have legit gone badly with DL from ADA issues to IEP services to figuring out masks and lunch. And are providing only leadership around, since SB and Brabrand clearly are not. For their sake, please don’t. For your kids sake, if you do it, have a very light touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What should be our plan, if something WERE to happen?

By MS? To have our child alert the the responsible teacher and then tell you. You should get a clear resolution. My kid was bullied once in MS, and the other kid was moved out of his classes and I had been clawed before my kid got home to talk about it. That’s what should happen.

If it doesn’t, approach the lowest level Admin or counselor as a parent and tell them what happened without your lawyer. I’d be surprised if it wasn’t fixed quickly. If it isn’t, you’ve escalate. With 2 kids with 504s in FCPS in different HSs, once every few years I have had to go over the teachers head. Never on bullying. Always on 504 accommodations being ignored. I have never not had the AP not resolve it appropriately. I just can’t see a Marshall pyramid AP not stopping race based bulky in its tracks. But maybe there’s a bad one I haven’t heard of.

And starting in MS, the expectation is that you kid will begin self advocating in most situations. And they will take a stab at an issue first, before parents get involved. MSs seem very good at recognizing this is hard for kids and they aren’t great at it at first.

[Anonymous]

OP I think your kids will be fine. The Marshall pyramid is extremely diverse. We are middle eastern and while my kids have experienced some racism (every now and then someone will make a racist comment) it’s not that prevalent. I imagine it’s the same with Asians as well.

[Anonymous]

we are in MCPS not FCPS, but I think FCPS is pretty similar to MCPS. I asked my half White/Asian DC this question (DC is in HS), and DC said no way would such a kid be bullied for their race, but they might get a little ribbing for the southern accent if there is one.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all of your insight. I hope husband and I can take another shot at having a civil conversation about this, and I'll try to put his mind (and heart) at ease. I think our children are reaching ages where they can start advocating and protecting themselves. I think this is a difficult transition for husband, knowing these terrible racist things might happen to them (again). I agree with the post about not going at the school admin with a hardcore attitude - they have suffered a lot through COVID too, and I don't want to overwhelm them and/or give them a reason to "flag" our family in a bad way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all of your insight. I hope husband and I can take another shot at having a civil conversation about this, and I'll try to put his mind (and heart) at ease. I think our children are reaching ages where they can start advocating and protecting themselves. I think this is a difficult transition for husband, knowing these terrible racist things might happen to them (again). I agree with the post about not going at the school admin with a hardcore attitude - they have suffered a lot through COVID too, and I don't want to overwhelm them and/or give them a reason to "flag" our family in a bad way.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and your kids will be fine. Realize that not just have Admins struggled in COVID in FCPS, they had no leadership at the top and the parent v teacher stuff has lead to a lot of hysteria. They are standing up a new learning platform in the next month. The teachers are up in arms. The parents are up in arms. Concurrent is doomed to fail. Monitors is a terrible idea. They know this and have zero choice. And everyone is holding their breath and praying for a safe return. It’s a uniquely awful month in the pandemic (and the last century) to be school based Admin. I am so angry at Gatehouse and the SB. But, mad respect for our school based admins. I doubt they are sleeping at all.

[Anonymous]

We had two mixed-race kids in that pyramid and our experience was there is definitely some bullying, it’s more at Kilmer than at Marshall, and that it has more to do with bullies sizing up a potential target than race.

I will say one of our kids came home from his first day at Marshall soaking wet. He’d apparently sat down with some friends at a table in the cafeteria that some older boys thought was reserved to them, and they emptied out their milk cartons on the younger boys. But I don’t think it was racially motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, kids are sporty and play in rec leagues right now, and hopefully do a different sport in the spring. And yes, our plan is for them to go back in-person, which is why this conversation started...husband is more worried about anti-Asian aggression at school than COVID. Do you think it'd be a good idea for us to "casually" share this concern with their current MS administration before in-person starts?

Of course, we can’t tell you what to do and it is whatever makes you comfortable. Remember that most kids coming into Kilmer are new right now. My DC in 7th has never been in the building and doesn’t have friends from elementary school in any classes. Sports are a great idea. If they are not already, enroll them in a spring sport. Registration is already going on. If you tell us the sports we can help you find something if you haven’t already for the spring.

[Anonymous]

^ Thank you, poster. We have the kids registered for a spring sport. I hope this will help them make friends and reassure my husband that things will be ok, and even when they are not, it's important for the kids (and us parents) to deal with it in a mature and compassionate way - I always go by Nelson Mandela's quote: Be the change you want to see in the world. Of course he thinks this is me in la la land again...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Thank you, poster. We have the kids registered for a spring sport. I hope this will help them make friends and reassure my husband that things will be ok, and even when they are not, it's important for the kids (and us parents) to deal with it in a mature and compassionate way - I always go by Nelson Mandela's quote: Be the change you want to see in the world. Of course he thinks this is me in la la land again...

I’ve lived here. I’ve lived in the South. Your husband has a point in the south. Casual and not so casual racism are a very real problem there. And for some, biracial children are an affront to Gods plan or some such crap. I’d be concerned.

You aren’t in LaLa land in the Marshall pyramid or FCPS. It’s a whole different mindset. In fact, I have HS kids and I’ve only heard of two bad bullying incidents— one at Oakton and one at Madison, and both of white girls by mostly white girls over Queen Bee and Wannabe drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Thank you, poster. We have the kids registered for a spring sport. I hope this will help them make friends and reassure my husband that things will be ok, and even when they are not, it's important for the kids (and us parents) to deal with it in a mature and compassionate way - I always go by Nelson Mandela's quote: Be the change you want to see in the world. Of course he thinks this is me in la la land again...

If someone is racist to your kids, there’s no need to respond in a mature and compassionate way. If you want to that’s fine, but why you need to announce it and seek approval from this board for your amazing attitude towards a racist bully is a little odd. It’s not your fault or your kids fault if they encounter a bully or racist. People who may judge you for how you deal with a racist or bully don’t have your kids best interests in mind. No need to kiss up to them here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fox Mill Elementary School, and Great Falls ES have Japanese Immersion language programs. There are two ES that have Korean Immersion programs. The MS and HS that those schools feed into have continuing language classes in Japanese or Korean. Maybe those are good areas to explore buying a house.

Which ES have Korean immersion?