Recovery after affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling the amount of OW weighing in. Bitter after they were dumped and do not want to see the guy they tried to exit with reconcile and be happy.

The OW got very angry when my spouse started therapy because he was having a crisis of conscience for what he was doing and had brought up ending their NSA. She said “this will mean you will break up with me”. She also got mad at him when we got a family dog. She stalked me. She was married and looking to find a new guy to support her and kids.

These people are crazy and angry for others happiness.

Omg. I had a similar experience. She told me she was extremely jealous of me. She’s cheating on her husband by screwing mine and yet she’s jealous of me?!! Wtf? Yeah- I’m really lucky to be cheated on, sweetie.

Your spouse brought this woman into your life.

Duh. Yes- he brought a batsh@t crazy woman he met on the Internet into our lives.

And yet you're spending the rest of your life forgiig him and babysitting him and ranting about that crazy woman on the internet.

You seem oddly very invested in this.

I just hink it's weird that women go on an on about forgiving their husbands, and overcoming the affair, and they're sronger than ever now but still ave all this negative energy towards the oow as if she exists in a vacuum and it wasn't her "poor damaged" husband who brought that woman into their lives. I guess they have to feel like they won somehow.

So the OW won. Got it. Where is she now? Did her husband take her back? Or has she still not found one?

In a sense she did she's not tied down for the rest of her life with a loser. But you are still proving my point you are still trying to stick it to the OW , trying to prove something. Your man is a loser who cheats who exposed yout to STDs/STI's a possibly crazy person and who knows what else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling the amount of OW weighing in. Bitter after they were dumped and do not want to see the guy they tried to exit with reconcile and be happy.

The OW got very angry when my spouse started therapy because he was having a crisis of conscience for what he was doing and had brought up ending their NSA. She said “this will mean you will break up with me”. She also got mad at him when we got a family dog. She stalked me. She was married and looking to find a new guy to support her and kids.

These people are crazy and angry for others happiness.

Omg. I had a similar experience. She told me she was extremely jealous of me. She’s cheating on her husband by screwing mine and yet she’s jealous of me?!! Wtf? Yeah- I’m really lucky to be cheated on, sweetie.

Your spouse brought this woman into your life.

Duh. Yes- he brought a batsh@t crazy woman he met on the Internet into our lives.

And yet you're spending the rest of your life forgiig him and babysitting him and ranting about that crazy woman on the internet.

You seem oddly very invested in this.

I just hink it's weird that women go on an on about forgiving their husbands, and overcoming the affair, and they're sronger than ever now but still ave all this negative energy towards the oow as if she exists in a vacuum and it wasn't her "poor damaged" husband who brought that woman into their lives. I guess they have to feel like they won somehow.

I have to tell you that this was not my reality after the initial few weeks and certainly not now years later. She starts to recede in the crisis as you rebuild and focus on you and spouse as a couple. Especially if you start therapy...the focus is the present and future and the past as it relates to your husband and what was happening in him. And then once you start your sexual relationship again (some never stopped) the intimacy grows and you feel his reinvestment and she fades even more. Yes, the early stage, you want answers, you may be very curious and insecure etc. But it's a stage. I don't think about the ow very much anymore. If I do it is in a detached way, like a curiosity (i knew her as an acquantance) . When i used to get stuck there I would take it to therapy. That helped me work it through. I think that happens for a lot of wives. It's part of recovering.

This is just so sad. I hope one day you know your worth evem if it's at 80 years old.

[Anonymous]

A postnup agreement is a good idea. As is getting regular STI testing for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling the amount of OW weighing in. Bitter after they were dumped and do not want to see the guy they tried to exit with reconcile and be happy.

The OW got very angry when my spouse started therapy because he was having a crisis of conscience for what he was doing and had brought up ending their NSA. She said “this will mean you will break up with me”. She also got mad at him when we got a family dog. She stalked me. She was married and looking to find a new guy to support her and kids.

These people are crazy and angry for others happiness.

Omg. I had a similar experience. She told me she was extremely jealous of me. She’s cheating on her husband by screwing mine and yet she’s jealous of me?!! Wtf? Yeah- I’m really lucky to be cheated on, sweetie.

Your spouse brought this woman into your life.

Duh. Yes- he brought a batsh@t crazy woman he met on the Internet into our lives.

And yet you're spending the rest of your life forgiig him and babysitting him and ranting about that crazy woman on the internet.

You seem oddly very invested in this.

I just hink it's weird that women go on an on about forgiving their husbands, and overcoming the affair, and they're sronger than ever now but still ave all this negative energy towards the oow as if she exists in a vacuum and it wasn't her "poor damaged" husband who brought that woman into their lives. I guess they have to feel like they won somehow.

So the OW won. Got it. Where is she now? Did her husband take her back? Or has she still not found one?

In a sense she did she's not tied down for the rest of her life with a loser. But you are still proving my point you are still trying to stick it to the OW , trying to prove something. Your man is a loser who cheats who exposed yout to STDs/STI's a possibly crazy person and who knows what else.

Ha! Just to men that never take her out in public because he’s embarrassed to be seen in public with her. Did u just say you have STIs? Wow.

Sorry you have yet to find a single and available man.

I’m sure if he left his wife you’d be all over that “cheating loser”. Not, sadly, no. You got dumped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a postnup now, while the iron is hot.

It’s basically negotiating the terms of your divorce while there is still the hope of the marriage staying intact—which is a much more constructive bargaining position for both of you, and a stronger position for the person who would lose or have to fight for the most otherwise.

It will raise the price of future bad acts to the point where they may not occur, and if they do you may not care.

Very good advice!

Mine went and got STI tested, a vasectomy, drafted a VERY generous post-nup, and started therapy all BEFORE I asked for anything. It was in the first two weeks after he dumped the AP and confessed everything to me. He had all of that done. He also answered every.single question I had and continues to do so and I asked some very explicit stuff. Nothing was off limits. He also immediately gave me the woman’s name, etc.

He did all of the grocery shopping, cooking (and still is) 9 months later. Cleans, drives the kid, checks their school work, etc. He made a chart of time he wasted (the hour or so a month) he spent with her and a pay back time chart. Again, nothing I asked for.

BUT—most important is the post-nup!!! I make great $/have a great career and always have—but if this were ever to happen again—I’d get both homes.

My therapist calls them “guard rails” before id even be willing to consider reconciliation I would want some high @ss guard rails before I’d even consider reconciling. And, hey, you can change your mind at anytime.

SO he keeps cheating, dosn't risk getting anywone getting pregnant and got you thinking he's turned a new leaf. Get money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: A postnup agreement is a good idea. As is getting regular STI testing for yourself.

Mid make him get regular testing and show it. Why be the one that has to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a postnup now, while the iron is hot.

It’s basically negotiating the terms of your divorce while there is still the hope of the marriage staying intact—which is a much more constructive bargaining position for both of you, and a stronger position for the person who would lose or have to fight for the most otherwise.

It will raise the price of future bad acts to the point where they may not occur, and if they do you may not care.

Very good advice!

Mine went and got STI tested, a vasectomy, drafted a VERY generous post-nup, and started therapy all BEFORE I asked for anything. It was in the first two weeks after he dumped the AP and confessed everything to me. He had all of that done. He also answered every.single question I had and continues to do so and I asked some very explicit stuff. Nothing was off limits. He also immediately gave me the woman’s name, etc.

He did all of the grocery shopping, cooking (and still is) 9 months later. Cleans, drives the kid, checks their school work, etc. He made a chart of time he wasted (the hour or so a month) he spent with her and a pay back time chart. Again, nothing I asked for.

BUT—most important is the post-nup!!! I make great $/have a great career and always have—but if this were ever to happen again—I’d get both homes.

My therapist calls them “guard rails” before id even be willing to consider reconciliation I would want some high @ss guard rails before I’d even consider reconciling. And, hey, you can change your mind at anytime.

SO he keeps cheating, dosn't risk getting anywone getting pregnant and got you thinking he's turned a new leaf. Get money!

DP. The guy is doing tons of individual therapy. No guy would willing do that if he didn’t want to change. It would be easier to divorce.

She has a good setup. Also now she has the power...and the $ if he does do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:divorce.

The marriage was over once he put his penis in someone else's body. You didn't break the marriage he did.

To me, I told DH before we married that an affair is a deal breaker, Full stop. No questions asked. Why do other woman have no backbone?

Just stop. It is very very different 20, 30 years in with kids and a long history. Nobody knows what they will do UNTIL it happens.

I have some bad*ss friends that always preached the same thing that ended up staying and making it work. Ones that were 'not over my dead body' types.

It's pathetic when we attack the wrong person.

The biggest loudmouths are usually the ones who have husbands cheating behind their backs. One woman in our neighborhood is always saying stuff like that...and had no idea her husband has been having an affair for YEARS.

Why not do the decent thing and tell her instead of gloating.

[Anonymous]

Explain the psychology of the women posters that attack the betrayed spouse on this thread.

Someone please. Why would somebody come taunt and attack them??

The only angle I can think of is that they are cheaters or dumped OW.

Why else would you make fun and vilify a victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explain the psychology of the women posters that attack the betrayed spouse on this thread.

Someone please. Why would somebody come taunt and attack them??

The only angle I can think of is that they are cheaters or dumped OW.

Why else would you make fun and vilify a victim?

By definition OW are not friend of “women”. They are not part of the sisterhood. You can’t do something you know will hurt and harm a woman and her family and call yourself a feminist or friend of women.

Take that pink p@ssy hat off of your heads, you hypocrites!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a postnup now, while the iron is hot.

It’s basically negotiating the terms of your divorce while there is still the hope of the marriage staying intact—which is a much more constructive bargaining position for both of you, and a stronger position for the person who would lose or have to fight for the most otherwise.

It will raise the price of future bad acts to the point where they may not occur, and if they do you may not care.

Very good advice!

Mine went and got STI tested, a vasectomy, drafted a VERY generous post-nup, and started therapy all BEFORE I asked for anything. It was in the first two weeks after he dumped the AP and confessed everything to me. He had all of that done. He also answered every.single question I had and continues to do so and I asked some very explicit stuff. Nothing was off limits. He also immediately gave me the woman’s name, etc.

He did all of the grocery shopping, cooking (and still is) 9 months later. Cleans, drives the kid, checks their school work, etc. He made a chart of time he wasted (the hour or so a month) he spent with her and a pay back time chart. Again, nothing I asked for.

BUT—most important is the post-nup!!! I make great $/have a great career and always have—but if this were ever to happen again—I’d get both homes.

My therapist calls them “guard rails” before id even be willing to consider reconciliation I would want some high @ss guard rails before I’d even consider reconciling. And, hey, you can change your mind at anytime.

SO he keeps cheating, dosn't risk getting anywone getting pregnant and got you thinking he's turned a new leaf. Get money!

DP. The guy is doing tons of individual therapy. No guy would willing do that if he didn’t want to change. It would be easier to divorce.

She has a good setup. Also now she has the power...and the $ if he does do it

He would if he was banging his therapist. As I said at least she set herself up to get money.

[Anonymous]

^ mine has a male therapist. We’d have much bigger issues if that were the case

[Anonymous]

30 year old woman here. That is so funny about the pink pussy hat. There is a photo of the OW who slept with my husband on her husband’s instagram with her in a pink pussy hat. She would def tell everyone around her she is a feminist but she supported lying and cheating. She even once said to my husband to delete texts so he would not be caught and end up divorced. It is 100 percent his fault but her damage also played into it some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30 year old woman here. That is so funny about the pink pussy hat. There is a photo of the OW who slept with my husband on her husband’s instagram with her in a pink pussy hat. She would def tell everyone around her she is a feminist but she supported lying and cheating. She even once said to my husband to delete texts so he would not be caught and end up divorced. It is 100 percent his fault but her damage also played into it some.

Did her husband ever find out about the affair?

[Anonymous]

He knew she was sleeping with my husband and was good with it. He also knew i did not know. Self absorbed.