Am I Asking Husband To Do Too Much?

[Anonymous]

I love how OP adds more and more details because people aren't agreeing with her. I wonder if OPs poor communication skills are part of the reason she's having this issue with her husband.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your husband has an awful lot of requirements for your house and your baby for someone who isn't putting the work in to meet those requirements. What happens if you just say no and reduce your workload?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how OP adds more and more details because people aren't agreeing with her. I wonder if OPs poor communication skills are part of the reason she's having this issue with her husband.

OP here. I didn’t add those I totally because it’s not anything he can do. That’s not what I’m mad about. I only said that after when people called me lazy. I’m not lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he works full time and is out of the house for ten hours then spends a few more hours with the baby everyday. Sounds very helpful to me. He is probably exhausted having to actually work unlike you that just sits around.

Are you being sarcastic here?
Either taking care of babies is easy, and it shouldn’t be a big deal to take over childcare after work if your spouse wants to get out of the house - or - taking care of children is work, and it’s understandable that your spouse wants a break after doing it all day.

Can someone respond to this?

I don’t understand the logic of no having the energy to do a task that you feel is so easily done.

[Anonymous]

This is the easiest time for parenting, you're just not use to it. Just wait until the baby is a toddler and then life begins. If the whole scene is a mess right now it only gets tougher. When I was home all day with one infant I was making money by buying and refinishing furniture because I had a lot of free time on my hands. Once he started walking the party was over.

[Anonymous]

When we had our first my husband took paternity leave and he was bored to death so once I had recovered from my C-section he cut it off and went back to work. A few months later he used the rest of his leave and was again bored because there was so little to do. He had always been good about doing HH stuff so he wasn't a slug. I told him to go back to work because I was fine. When we had our second and third he became very useful!

[Anonymous]

You chose to have children so you don't get to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You chose to have children so you don't get to complain.

Her husband chose to have children too. He doesn’t get to neglect his child.

[Anonymous]

The real issue is your husband only spends like 10 hours a week with your baby. He’s a terrible father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

Sorry but you’re an idiot who knows very little about breastfeeding. You’re lucky you never dealt with supply issues. Many women have to pump after feeding because they don’t make enough. Many have to pump during the night to keep their supply up. Pumps don’t mess up supply. You sound very uneducated on this matter. Many women will have low supply no matter what they do. No amount of feeding will ever work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

Sorry but you’re an idiot who knows very little about breastfeeding. You’re lucky you never dealt with supply issues. Many women have to pump after feeding because they don’t make enough. Many have to pump during the night to keep their supply up. Pumps don’t mess up supply. You sound very uneducated on this matter. Many women will have low supply no matter what they do. No amount of feeding will ever work.

And all the women that truly have low supply despite feeding their baby on demand, do not find a solution in frequent pumping past maybe the first couple weeks if there was a feeding issue causing disparities to the natural breastfeeding pattern (mastitis, tongue tie, Illness).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

Sorry but you’re an idiot who knows very little about breastfeeding. You’re lucky you never dealt with supply issues. Many women have to pump after feeding because they don’t make enough. Many have to pump during the night to keep their supply up. Pumps don’t mess up supply. You sound very uneducated on this matter. Many women will have low supply no matter what they do. No amount of feeding will ever work.

OP here. I don’t actually nurse. Baby refused to latch and no LC could help us. I exclusively pump and bottle feed. I don’t make that much and I need to wake every 3 hours at night to pump in order to make enough for baby to eat. I have tried reducing pumping or skipping a pumping session at night, and it decreased my supply. I pumped 8 times a day ( every 3 hours) to get what baby needs.

My husband doesn’t want to supplement because he feels I should pump and feed since I’m home. He wants to make sure our baby is getting the best nutrition during the pandemic and flu/cold season. I do agree but I would be fine with supplementing. I don’t want to fight with him on it so I just wake up to pump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

Sorry but you’re an idiot who knows very little about breastfeeding. You’re lucky you never dealt with supply issues. Many women have to pump after feeding because they don’t make enough. Many have to pump during the night to keep their supply up. Pumps don’t mess up supply. You sound very uneducated on this matter. Many women will have low supply no matter what they do. No amount of feeding will ever work.

OP here. I don’t actually nurse. Baby refused to latch and no LC could help us. I exclusively pump and bottle feed. I don’t make that much and I need to wake every 3 hours at night to pump in order to make enough for baby to eat. I have tried reducing pumping or skipping a pumping session at night, and it decreased my supply. I pumped 8 times a day ( every 3 hours) to get what baby needs.

My husband doesn’t want to supplement because he feels I should pump and feed since I’m home. He wants to make sure our baby is getting the best nutrition during the pandemic and flu/cold season. I do agree but I would be fine with supplementing. I don’t want to fight with him on it so I just wake up to pump.

Nope ! Your husband doesn't get to make this call. You have a husband problem. You need to tell him what's up now and that's it. There's no fighting. There's do discussion. You're going to be X that works for you from now on and that's it.. he has some damn nerve thinking he can dictate this and at the sam time do the bare minimu around the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. An infant that little doesn’t require much. I doubt it takes you all day to do all of those things. Cleaning maintenance only tasks an hour a day tops.

OP you sound lazy. An normal infant isn’t that much work. Plus you have a weekly cleaning lady. You have nothing to complain about, sorry.

OP here. I’m not lazy. We have a bi-weekly cleaning lady who does deep cleaning. I do everything else while trying to pump to get my supply up, and recovering from a fourth degree tear. I still wake up multiple times while baby sleeps to pump because my husband doesn’t want him on formula.

Do you even have a kid or are you a man who spends no time with his child like some of the other posters?

Yes, I have three of them, all breastfed, they all wanted to be held all day, two had colic until 4 months old.

Now I’m done being snarky. I see your problem and it isn’t your DH. It is pumping. You are fighting a battle you are likely going to lose and going about it wrong. If you’ve been home with your baby and breastfeeding on demand for the past 10 weeks, there is no need to pump all the time and wake in the night to pump. You feed your baby when they are hungry. They will go in spurts when they want to breastfeed what seems like all day long, hardly taking a break at all. That is normal, and that is how your supply increases to meet their demand. It does not mean your supply is low. The pump messes up the supply/demand. You cannot fix this with a pump. And if you are barely hanging on now with breastfeeding and trying to pump, it will be complete game over when you go back to work. The pumping is making you crazy. I’ve seen this time and time again. Drop the pumping, feed your baby as frequently as he wants, even if it is every hr. If he is a good sleeper, pump ONCE two hours after your final feed at bedtime, before you go to sleep yourself. That will help build a stash to have when you go back to work and if he is only waking once at night to feed, your body should have a couple hrs after you pumped to replenish.


And get a ergo or baby wrap. Wear baby in wrap while he naps so you can move about and use both hands to get things done.

Sorry but you’re an idiot who knows very little about breastfeeding. You’re lucky you never dealt with supply issues. Many women have to pump after feeding because they don’t make enough. Many have to pump during the night to keep their supply up. Pumps don’t mess up supply. You sound very uneducated on this matter. Many women will have low supply no matter what they do. No amount of feeding will ever work.

OP here. I don’t actually nurse. Baby refused to latch and no LC could help us. I exclusively pump and bottle feed. I don’t make that much and I need to wake every 3 hours at night to pump in order to make enough for baby to eat. I have tried reducing pumping or skipping a pumping session at night, and it decreased my supply. I pumped 8 times a day ( every 3 hours) to get what baby needs.

My husband doesn’t want to supplement because he feels I should pump and feed since I’m home. He wants to make sure our baby is getting the best nutrition during the pandemic and flu/cold season. I do agree but I would be fine with supplementing. I don’t want to fight with him on it so I just wake up to pump.

OP here. This is my schedule. I pump 7, 10, 1, 4, 7, 10, 1, and 4/4:30. Baby eats 7, 9:30, 12, 3, 6, 7:30, and around 4am. I make 24-28oz ( 3-4oz per 20-30 minute pump session) to feed him. I have tried many things and nothing has really increased my supply or helped me be able to go a long stretch without pumping. I lose my supply every time I do. I guess I wouldn’t say I have low supply since it’s average, but I need to wake up to pump in order to get that amount.