Unplanned pregnancy at 38

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever decision you make, be sure to really be clear about why you are making it. I terminated a pregnancy and when I get those rare twinges of regret, I'm able to go back to why I made the decision I did and the regret vanishes. I made the right choice for me and my family at the time. I wish you peace whatever you decide.

Best response thus far

[Anonymous]

I was 34 in a stable marriage, financially stable, two stable jobs, when I was surprised to find I was 7 weeks pregnant. There's none of the typical reasons we couldn't or shouldn't have a child, but I simply did not want to be pregnant and did not want a child. I chose a medical abortion. Every once in a while I think "what if," but ultimately I have zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 34 in a stable marriage, financially stable, two stable jobs, when I was surprised to find I was 7 weeks pregnant. There's none of the typical reasons we couldn't or shouldn't have a child, but I simply did not want to be pregnant and did not want a child. I chose a medical abortion. Every once in a while I think "what if," but ultimately I have zero regrets.

Did you tell your husband!

[Anonymous]

I guess anything opposing these liberal murdering views gets deleted. Nice to know the conscious of liberals. They have no issues killing babies. What fine people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. This is 2020 not 1920. If it were me, I wouldn't think twice and would have an abortion. Please ignore the ignorance on this board and make your own decision about YOUR body and what is right for YOUR family.

What ignorance? Did the nature of a fetus change in the last 100 years?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Whatever you decide, it will be right for you.

My first has ADHD and Asperger's with really slow processing speed. He's a teen now, and it's really hard. At this point, I can't imagine how he'll ever be an independent adult, even though these diagnoses are not usually thought of as handicapping to that degree. It negatively impacts our daily life to a significant degree and causes stress on our entire family.

Personally, if I were to became accidentally pregnant again, and despite health concerns for myself, I would not get an abortion. But I sympathize with and understand your questions and worries. My point is that parents of children with special needs have a unique perspective on how much they can take on and how much they can risk for their future. Each situation is different and no one knows what it's like to be in your shoes.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

My mom had me at 39, I have no special needs or learning disabilities. Many people who have other children with special needs go on to have perfectly healthy babies. You really have no indication that you are having a special needs child besides the fact you are worrying.


We are not going to debate whether you "should" have an abortion or keep the baby. You're pregnant, do you want to have a third child yes or no. If no, then terminate. If yes, keep it. But don't terminate the pregnancy because you are worried you may have a special needs child. You have 0 indication right now that you have one, you are just assuming that you may. Even if you do, humans are really capable of handling things that are not "practical".

Goodluck OP!

[Anonymous]

she didn't say having the baby and putting it up for adoption was an option

I mean, sure, it MIGHT be an option, but I can't even imagine someone in her situation with 2 older kids going through with the pregnancy only to give their sibling up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to placing the baby up for adoption?

What’s the point of that? Go through the pregnancy and delivery and the trauma of giving up a child up for adoption for what?

Dp. The point is to give the baby a chance at life and with a family who wouldlove and cherish them.

You are vastly underestimating how much trauma is involved in adoption. For both the birth mother and the child. It's an incredibly hard thing that has repercussions for both of their entire lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to placing the baby up for adoption?

What’s the point of that? Go through the pregnancy and delivery and the trauma of giving up a child up for adoption for what?

Dp. The point is to give the baby a chance at life and with a family who wouldlove and cherish them.

You are vastly underestimating how much trauma is involved in adoption. For both the birth mother and the child. It's an incredibly hard thing that has repercussions for both of their entire lives.

Let alone the two siblings who are old enough to understand exactly what's going on. You can spin it however you want as an adult, but children do not have the ability or perspective to understand why their mom is pregnant and giving up their sibling. No way would I put my kids through that.

[Anonymous]

I’m older and know many women who had abortions. Not one of them regrets it. Even years later.

[Anonymous]

Good grief putting a baby up for adoption in this scenario would be pure torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 34 in a stable marriage, financially stable, two stable jobs, when I was surprised to find I was 7 weeks pregnant. There's none of the typical reasons we couldn't or shouldn't have a child, but I simply did not want to be pregnant and did not want a child. I chose a medical abortion. Every once in a while I think "what if," but ultimately I have zero regrets.

Did you tell your husband!

Yes, I told him the day I found out. I considered not telling him because my mind was made up before I peed on the stick. But he was supportive and I'm glad I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 34 in a stable marriage, financially stable, two stable jobs, when I was surprised to find I was 7 weeks pregnant. There's none of the typical reasons we couldn't or shouldn't have a child, but I simply did not want to be pregnant and did not want a child. I chose a medical abortion. Every once in a while I think "what if," but ultimately I have zero regrets.

Did you tell your husband!

Yes, I told him the day I found out. I considered not telling him because my mind was made up before I peed on the stick. But he was supportive and I'm glad I did.

My point is to share that you don't need a reason for an abortion other than simply wanting one. Whatever you choose is OK. We're fertile for 30 years with 12-13 opportunities to conceive a year, and those are some tough odds to not have an oops. I will add--I went to Carafem and highly recommend them. While I didn't experience that much pain, they offered more than sufficient pain control. There were no protestors, it's in an office building. No waiting in a crowded room. Actually no waiting at all. I didn't cross paths with a single other patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she didn't say having the baby and putting it up for adoption was an option

I mean, sure, it MIGHT be an option, but I can't even imagine someone in her situation with 2 older kids going through with the pregnancy only to give their sibling up for adoption.

My sister in law did. She had two kids, got pregnant at 32 and didn't want a third so she put the baby up for adoption. She changed the lives of a lovely couple who now have a son. Everyone involved feels like that was the right decision.