Unplanned pregnancy at 38

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Im not a troll. You were once a bunch of cells too and allowed to grow became you...I am not shaming her just stating facts which we all should ackowlege. At 8 weeks I heard my dd's heartbeat. That is fact. She can do what she wants and ultimately it is her alone will bear the burden not me.

My advice is if you finished having children and choose to abort please dont get pregnant again and get another abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is a wonderful option.

I place ad baby for adoption at 29; my life was good and I did not want to change it.

At 39 and 41 I adopted my kids from foster care (after fostering them for a year each) because I was ready now.

I have so many infertile friends desperate for a baby to adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to placing the baby up for adoption?

What’s the point of that? Go through the pregnancy and delivery and the trauma of giving up a child up for adoption for what?

Dp. The point is to give the baby a chance at life and with a family who wouldlove and cherish them.

Give them the chance to wonder why they were given up? The chance to have lifelong abandonment issues. People romanticize adoption, it’s ridiculous. As someone who was adopted out in a very similar situation I hate when people who are clueless about adoption suggest it at every change they get.

I am adopted as well and agree with this. There is a lot of loss involved with adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is a wonderful option.

I place ad baby for adoption at 29; my life was good and I did not want to change it.

At 39 and 41 I adopted my kids from foster care (after fostering them for a year each) because I was ready now.

I have so many infertile friends desperate for a baby to adopt.

women aren’t baby factories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

So terminate. Why do you need permission from DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is a wonderful option.

I place ad baby for adoption at 29; my life was good and I did not want to change it.

At 39 and 41 I adopted my kids from foster care (after fostering them for a year each) because I was ready now.

I have so many infertile friends desperate for a baby to adopt.

women aren’t baby factories.

They also aren't brood .area for barren women.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely get an abortion. My kids are 6 and 4 and we love them to pieces but I am just staring to get some normalcy back. I don’t have the bandwidth for more. Please figure out permanent birth control so you don’t have this heartache again. My DH got a vasectomy shortly after our 2nd kid.

[Anonymous]

What does it accomplish to scold her about getting pregnant? I think she’s probably feeling crappy enough for a lot of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it accomplish to scold her about getting pregnant? I think she’s probably feeling crappy enough for a lot of reasons.

I was talking about going forward after she decides to abort or have the kid. If she doesn't want to go through this AGAIN do something more permanent.

[Anonymous]

My mom had an unexpected pregnancy at 35. She already had two kids (4 and 2.5) and my dad was of no help with the house or kids.

My little brother has brought so much joy to our family, even with health issues he had as a baby and the chaos having a third brought my parents. Our family truly wouldn't be our family without him.

I'm currently struggling to get pregnant so I'm partial, but this baby could be a huge unexpected blessing to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had an unexpected pregnancy at 35. She already had two kids (4 and 2.5) and my dad was of no help with the house or kids.

My little brother has brought so much joy to our family, even with health issues he had as a baby and the chaos having a third brought my parents. Our family truly wouldn't be our family without him.

I'm currently struggling to get pregnant so I'm partial, but this baby could be a huge unexpected blessing to all of you.

did your dad get better? I mean, it sounds like they are still together.

Our happy surprise second (had her at 37, her older sister was 8.5 and in 3rd grade) has brought a lot of joy to us, too. I mean, it wasn't that we didn't want a second - we'd been trying. But we thought we couldn't have her without help (unexplained secondary infertility, had been trying IUI). Getting pregnant on our own after 3 years with no luck was a shock. The timing was bizarre and life hasn't been easy, but we're making it work.

I'm in my 40s now, and a third is just out of the question.

[Anonymous]

BIL was unplanned and 8 years younger than other sibs. He is a delight. Everyone is glad to have him. MIL was AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to placing the baby up for adoption?

What’s the point of that? Go through the pregnancy and delivery and the trauma of giving up a child up for adoption for what?

Dp. The point is to give the baby a chance at life and with a family who wouldlove and cherish them.

Give them the chance to wonder why they were given up? The chance to have lifelong abandonment issues. People romanticize adoption, it’s ridiculous. As someone who was adopted out in a very similar situation I hate when people who are clueless about adoption suggest it at every change they get.

So you would have rather been killed In hydro and had had NO life?

I will speak up as someone who was the product of an unplanned pregnancy and parents (especially mom) with a Christian savior complex. It is horrible to grow up as an unwanted child. That’s a fact. Your kid will always know. Maybe they won’t be able to articulate it as a child but that lingering feeling that you’re missing something so fundamentally human will be there forever. Adoption has its own issues and in this case it creates trauma for OP’s living children.

Yes, I would have preferred that my mom had an abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had 2 friends (but they don't know each other), both in late 30s and already moms of 3, who terminated when they became pregnant with their 4th. Knowing them for a dozen years it was obvious it was the right decisions. The look of relief of their faces was palpable.

Something tells me this is more common than is discussed.

I remember my mom explaining abortion when I was young and I asked if it was mostly teens and very poor people (not sure why I would think this? IDK, I was probably 12 and had seen Dirty Dancing or something). For whatever it's worth, my mom explained there were many people like your friends above right there in our UMC neighborhood who had terminated later pregnancies. Late 30's and also some in mid-late 40s who got pregnant with surprise babies with kids in late high school and college. It's hardly unheard of.

[Anonymous]

OMG. This is 2020 not 1920. If it were me, I wouldn't think twice and would have an abortion. Please ignore the ignorance on this board and make your own decision about YOUR body and what is right for YOUR family.