Unplanned pregnancy at 38

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to placing the baby up for adoption?

She’s not a baby factory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a unplanned child at 37. I was terrified but it turned out to be the very best thing that could have happened to our family.

Whoops...make that 38. She's still amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever decision you make, be sure to really be clear about why you are making it. I terminated a pregnancy and when I get those rare twinges of regret, I'm able to go back to why I made the decision I did and the regret vanishes. I made the right choice for me and my family at the time. I wish you peace whatever you decide.

Op here. Thank you. This strikes a chord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Pro-choice does not mean you approach the decision to have an abortion with the callous attitude toward life that you seem to have. It is more complicated than that and a very personal decision. Your views are part of the reason why we have a black and white abortion debate in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Pro-choice does not mean you approach the decision to have an abortion with the callous attitude toward life that you seem to have. It is more complicated than that and a very personal decision. Your views are part of the reason why we have a black and white abortion debate in this country.

Pot, meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this. Going thru the same thing right now down to the ages of the other two. No advice just sending good wishes.

[Anonymous]

38 is not too old, or even old. You know your limits. It’s good you’re thinking on it a bit if unsure. Either choice will be the right one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Pro-choice does not mean you approach the decision to have an abortion with the callous attitude toward life that you seem to have. It is more complicated than that and a very personal decision. Your views are part of the reason why we have a black and white abortion debate in this country.

Then mind your own business.

She didn’t ask for a debate on abortion. She asked whether she should have a 3rd child in her circumstance and the overwhelming consensus is no, it’s not what’s best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Pro-choice does not mean you approach the decision to have an abortion with the callous attitude toward life that you seem to have. It is more complicated than that and a very personal decision. Your views are part of the reason why we have a black and white abortion debate in this country.

Then mind your own business.

She didn’t ask for a debate on abortion. She asked whether she should have a 3rd child in her circumstance and the overwhelming consensus is no, it’s not what’s best.

No one should expect to ask for advice on an anonymous thread about something as serious as whether to have a baby or an abortion and not expect a debate about abortion to ensue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be 39 in 2 months and am 8 weeks pregnant. I'm in a stable marriage and have 2 kids 8 and 4.5. This was not planned. I feel I'm too old, we both work full time abd life is very busy as it is. We don't have the bandwidth to add an infant to this. My oldest has inattentive ADHD and I worry that in addition to all the risks associated with age, this baby might also have some form of ADHD or autism. Its not the worst thing in the world but we just don't have the capability to raise a special needs child. I feel overwhelmed already. I should terminate this right?

Fwiw, I'm not Christian and I don't belive I'm killing a life yet. It is a feteus not a baby yet. But the possibility of a healthy baby and a wonderful addition to our family and I guess some rosy edition of this tugs at my heart. I know its not practical.

Im pro choice but lets not kid ourselves. This is a baby. I could hear her heartbeat at 8 weeks. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again but think long and hard before you go the abortion route. It isnt the baby's fault you got pregnant. 38 isnt that old.

Let’s put this fallacy to rest - heart cells grown in a lab beat. It’s what they do, even when not connected to any other cells, let alone a living body. It’s the cell mechanics, not some greater sign of life.

https://youtu.be/SfxCJji_RHo

And you’re a troll, no pro choice person tells a vulnerable woman looking for help that it’s “not the baby’s fault.” Try harder next time, troll.

Pro-choice does not mean you approach the decision to have an abortion with the callous attitude toward life that you seem to have. It is more complicated than that and a very personal decision. Your views are part of the reason why we have a black and white abortion debate in this country.

Then mind your own business.

She didn’t ask for a debate on abortion. She asked whether she should have a 3rd child in her circumstance and the overwhelming consensus is no, it’s not what’s best.

No one should expect to ask for advice on an anonymous thread about something as serious as whether to have a baby or an abortion and not expect a debate about abortion to ensue.

Because the fanatics will always jump in and lecture her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a unplanned child at 37. I was terrified but it turned out to be the very best thing that could have happened to our family.

Same, though I was younger but it was the worst timing imaginable. It ended up being such a blessing for our family and forcing good change. I’ve been in your shoes and I’m so glad he’s in the world. He’s 3.5. Wendell asleep together in his bed playing today after I picked him up from pre-k. I can’t imagine life without him. Sending you hugs and strength.

[Anonymous]

My first child has combined type ADHD and has always been a challenge. We had a second when she was 8. We wanted a second, but it has been difficult all the same. Second is now 6 and I think she may have something as well. Oh, and we’re now dealing with some mental health challenges with our first.

Parenting is hard. You know your limits. You have to choose what is right for your family.

[Anonymous]

I’m pro choice and if that’s what’s right for you; it will be fine. But why would you worry about autism? That seemed out of the blue and makes me wonder if you are thinking clearly. Your child with ADHD doesn’t make me think you need to be overly concerned about that (perhaps there are genetic risks that exist and you didn’t mention, if so ignore my comment).

[Anonymous]

I had an abortion at age 36 a year ago and I haven’t regretted it for a minute. In fact I feel happy when I think about it. I love that I get to be a better mom to the kids I already have. It was such a hard decision but once I made it I felt so good.

But I’m sorry that you feel like you have to have an abortion because of your circumstances. Logically it seems like an abortion is the right thing but I don’t think bringing a child into the world is ever about logic. If it was how many of us would ever have kids?

Anyway, I think that either way you decide to go, it’ll be okay. There might be no best or correct choice here, just two different choices that born have positives and negatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only want a baby if it’s perfect and fits into your lifestyle it’s best if you don’t have another child.

That’s not fair, PP. OP has put herself out here in a very vulnerable position. Have some grace.

OP, I had my 3rd at 40. It was the right choice for me. For my closest friend, another child was not the right choice for her- she terminated the pregnancy. We’re all fine. You have to make the best choice for you and your family. I’m sure this is difficult for you. All best wishes to you.

No offense but unless you have a special needs child you don't know how wide the gap is in terms of effort, finances, and strain on the household.