Is being married and having children a barometer of success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

Why? They are dependents. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

Honest question - how do you define "damaged and broken"? And to what extent does this render someone a bad potential partner?
Assuming you aren't one of those old school religious people who thinks women should marry as virgins, what do you think not finding the right partner into your 30s means someone is "damaged"? Is coming out of an abusive relationship, having been cheated on or ghosted, having one's heart broken, anything else that isn't necessarily their fault - does this make someone "damaged" and therefore ineligible?

[Anonymous]

No.

It is one barometer of success.

I'm neither married nor do I make a whole lot of money in some senior executive position. But boy have I had a full life.

I've lived in five countries and I speak six languages. I have completed an Ironman, an ultramarathon, and I've climbed mountains. I spent my mid-20s in the Peace Corps. I've had a handful of medium- and long-term relationships that have ended, amicably. I've lived on $350/month and had the time of my life. I haven't given birth, but I have saved someone's life. I've written a novel. I've run for office (no, I did not win). I love being an aunt, a sister, and a best friend.

I turn down men left and right, fully knowing the risk of not finding anyone by 35, or even 40. There is no shortage of suitors. Finding the right partner would be wonderful, but I'd rather chart my own course than over-compromise with someone who is wrong for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

It is one barometer of success.

I'm neither married nor do I make a whole lot of money in some senior executive position. But boy have I had a full life.

I've lived in five countries and I speak six languages. I have completed an Ironman, an ultramarathon, and I've climbed mountains. I spent my mid-20s in the Peace Corps. I've had a handful of medium- and long-term relationships that have ended, amicably. I've lived on $350/month and had the time of my life. I haven't given birth, but I have saved someone's life. I've written a novel. I've run for office (no, I did not win). I love being an aunt, a sister, and a best friend.

I turn down men left and right, fully knowing the risk of not finding anyone by 35, or even 40. There is no shortage of suitors. Finding the right partner would be wonderful, but I'd rather chart my own course than over-compromise with someone who is wrong for me.

We've already explained this. It's a barometer of success *for people who want to get married and have kids* - that's all. And no, you're not a desirable partner for someone who wants to get married and have kids because it's clearly not a priority for you. I wouldn't want my son to marry a woman like you because you have other goals in life that you value much higher than starting a family. I hope you find someone who wants the same lifestyle that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

Why? They are dependents. Gross.

LOL dependent but rich. Women(and men) can work their a$$ off and get nowhere. Women have another option marry rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

Because they literally haven't succeeded at anything. Happy? Sure. Success? No.

A lot of people use the words synonymously. To many (including myself) to be truly successful in life is to be genuinely content with your lot in life. Whether you are Mark Zuckerberg or Joe Schmoe living anonymously in the suburbs.

I meet a lot of people who are successful in the sense that they make a lot of money or they have reached the top of their chosen career fields but if they are not happy people, then I don’t consider them truly successful.

[Anonymous]

Well, just being married and having kids isn't a barometer. But being married, staying married, and having well-behaved kids who reflect well on you is a metric of success. And, it should be. People who raise good kids are beneficial to the community; the community should recognize such people as aspirational figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

+1

I wanted to marry a nice guy who worships me and makes a great living such that I could be a SAHM with a bunch of kids in a nice house in a close in suburb with lots of vacations and expensive hobbies (we ski and scuba dive, our kids dance and play tennis). I have a ton of leisure time to myself to read, garden, plan frequent trips, etc.

It’s not PC and I never went around saying this to people in college or right after but I grew up poor/working class and deep down this is the lifestyle that I really wanted for myself. I have it now and truly I love it. It’s just as nice as I always thought it would be. I’m completely satisfied and happy.

It might not fulfill you but it does me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

Honest question - how do you define "damaged and broken"? And to what extent does this render someone a bad potential partner?
Assuming you aren't one of those old school religious people who thinks women should marry as virgins, what do you think not finding the right partner into your 30s means someone is "damaged"? Is coming out of an abusive relationship, having been cheated on or ghosted, having one's heart broken, anything else that isn't necessarily their fault - does this make someone "damaged" and therefore ineligible?

you're wondering why they aren't married, what other people saw that you aren't, what flaw ended things before that you haven't found yet...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

Because they literally haven't succeeded at anything. Happy? Sure. Success? No.

A lot of people use the words synonymously. To many (including myself) to be truly successful in life is to be genuinely content with your lot in life. Whether you are Mark Zuckerberg or Joe Schmoe living anonymously in the suburbs.

I meet a lot of people who are successful in the sense that they make a lot of money or they have reached the top of their chosen career fields but if they are not happy people, then I don’t consider them truly successful.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

Why? They are dependents. Gross.

LOL dependent but rich. Women(and men) can work their a$$ off and get nowhere. Women have another option marry rich.

Yes this! I’m the PP and my friend group from college mostly went to grad school. We are stuck paying off student loans and doing the whole rat race thing. One girl left college with a rich husband who comes from money. She doesn’t work and will never work. Even if she divorces she will be well off. Who is more successful in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there "good guys"? Just because there successful, respected, handsome etc doesn't mean there not a cheating lying asshat to there wives.

My husband is probably what you would consider low quality since he's a little over weight, not a 10, nor earning 6 figures and respected by all. But he's loyal, family orieand always puts me and our daughters above himself. Oh and my daughters are very well rounded, educated and self sufficient in not needing a man to get what they want.

I would say I hit the jackpot but what do I know I married a lower middle classman

I like this response.

What is high quality? White with a high income. You can still be a huge piece of shit and meet these qualifications. Read some of the posts on here and you will see!!!

[Anonymous]

My husband is the type of man you describe, on the outside at least. He's a serial cheater who's leaving us for his mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

Why? They are dependents. Gross.

LOL dependent but rich. Women(and men) can work their a$$ off and get nowhere. Women have another option marry rich.

Yes this! I’m the PP and my friend group from college mostly went to grad school. We are stuck paying off student loans and doing the whole rat race thing. One girl left college with a rich husband who comes from money. She doesn’t work and will never work. Even if she divorces she will be well off. Who is more successful in this scenario?

Well, if she divorces..then you are more successful. You are also more successful because you can stand on your own 2 feet. Her ..not so much. Will always be dependent on others money. I would be so embarrassed and feel like a loser if I had to rely on others earned money - but some people are lazy and have no shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who can marry rich enough time have several kids and not work plus have an UMC lifestyle are the definition of success

+1

I wanted to marry a nice guy who worships me and makes a great living such that I could be a SAHM with a bunch of kids in a nice house in a close in suburb with lots of vacations and expensive hobbies (we ski and scuba dive, our kids dance and play tennis). I have a ton of leisure time to myself to read, garden, plan frequent trips, etc.

It’s not PC and I never went around saying this to people in college or right after but I grew up poor/working class and deep down this is the lifestyle that I really wanted for myself. I have it now and truly I love it. It’s just as nice as I always thought it would be. I’m completely satisfied and happy.

It might not fulfill you but it does me.

Wow. This is the life that I want!