Is being married and having children a barometer of success?

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. Being happy is a barometer of success. Being a kind person is a barometer of success. Being successful in positive ways is a barometer of success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Meh, I come from a perspective that a woman who is not very well educated and has her own money is a failure in regards to her own financial safety and security. If she is not raising her kids for at least the first 5 years of life and relies on nannies and daycare she is a failure as a mom. If she is not happily married to a good provider who is loyal to her and continues to be in a marriage that has adultry/abuse/addiction from her spouse she is a failure as a wife.

I don't care if a woman works or not, especially in US where workplace is not supportive of moms. I worked for some years, banked all my earnings and made my money grow and left the workplace to become a SAHM. As long as the woman have control of her own money and can make the money work for her, she is successful in my books. If she is working in a low-end job to make ends meet and has kids who need to be in daycare/school so she can make minimum wages, I think her life is a struggle. If she has her own money, inherited money, married money, won money in lottery - doesn't matter how she got her money - as long as she controls it and grows it - she is a success.

And on top of that if she has healthy and successful marriage and kids who are thriving - she is a winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

Well, who do you think the "good guy" marries? They are not marrying "low quality women" either. It is biology. I don't see highly successful men married to poorly educated women - regardless of if their wives are WOHMs or SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, the answer is simply yes. Anyone saying otherwise is simply projecting what they WISH were different about the world and the human condition.

Even for polyamorous relationships? A simple yes? Huh.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You've replicated yourself in a sustainable way. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Happily married with a nice family, enough money for your needs, enough money to send kids to college and you to retire, medical insurance - these are barometers of success at any given moment.

You can always lose all of this. We do not have as much control as we think we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there "good guys"? Just because there successful, respected, handsome etc doesn't mean there not a cheating lying asshat to there wives.

My husband is probably what you would consider low quality since he's a little over weight, not a 10, nor earning 6 figures and respected by all. But he's loyal, family orieand always puts me and our daughters above himself. Oh and my daughters are very well rounded, educated and self sufficient in not needing a man to get what they want.

I would say I hit the jackpot but what do I know I married a lower middle classman

Oh please. I’m sure there are men who cheat in all socioeconomic levels, but it’s naive to think that all families who appear successful and happy are hiding some deep, dark secret. The vast majority of time more successful people have better social skills and better executive function. This applies to family life as well.

Majority of unsuccessful, not respected, and ugly men are also lying asshats to their wives. On top of being a horrible husband and father they are also POOR!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

The reality is frequently -

Woman with no husband or kids, meh job, low pay and she is unhappy with her life? Failure!

Woman with bad marriage and difficult kids, average job, difficult childcare and home maintainence situation, no help, venting on DCUM? Failure!

Woman with average marriage, average kids, average job, and she is always tired and venting on DCUM? Failure

Woman with average marriage and kids, horrible boss, burnout, venting on DCUM? Failure

Woman with hectic job, average marriage, no time to spend with kids, feeling like a failure as a mom and venting on DCUM? Failure

Woman with lousy marriage, no kids, ok job, unhappy and venting on DCUM? Failure

Woman with ok marriage, TTC but have challenges, stressful job, unhappy and venting on DCUM? Failure

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's pretty easy to be a failure in someone's eyes on DCUM. I'm a happy stay at home mother, I consider myself a great success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s doesn’t mean you’re successful, but I’d have trouble feeling successful if I hadn’t got married and had kids.

There’s a lot of pressure on women to be married and have kids, but ironically that can hold them back in their career (not everyone, of course).

[Anonymous]

In my case, it is.

Having children is one of the most consistent dreams I had since childhood. I have changed my mind a million times about what profession I would like to be in, but I have always wanted children.

And I always just assumed that I would need to get married to have them. I never really thought about any other ways to have them. So marriage then became a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

How would you define a good job? It is all very subjective.

I consider a good job one where I can work 40 hours a week, make a positive impact and spend a lot of time with my family.

And I don't necessarily consider any husband who works so many hours that he barely spends time with his family a nice husband. Others might think that as long as the man makes a lot of money, it's a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

How would you define a good job? It is all very subjective.

I consider a good job one where I can work 40 hours a week, make a positive impact and spend a lot of time with my family.

And I don't necessarily consider any husband who works so many hours that he barely spends time with his family a nice husband. Others might think that as long as the man makes a lot of money, it's a good job.

For me “good job” isn’t much of a barometer of success. I’m more interested in if the person is respected in their field and by their colleagues.