Is being married and having children a barometer of success?

[Anonymous]

No. Being happy is.

[Anonymous]

I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

+ 1

The longest and best marriages I know of started off dating in college.

Yes, the blonde Muffys have these guys locked down pretty early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

Until he has an affair or loses his job. People can get sick, have accidents, die early and become disabled. What are you going to do then? Just keep that head in the sand. Life is long and can change in an instant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

Until he has an affair or loses his job. People can get sick, have accidents, die early and become disabled. What are you going to do then? Just keep that head in the sand. Life is long and can change in an instant.

Aliens can invade. A volcano can erupt.

Anyone can get sick and die early or have any tragedy take place and being happy with one's current choices does not equate having a head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

I wonder if one of you is married to my boss, because that describes him to a T. He’s not cheating and is a doll at work FWIW.

[Anonymous]

My mom married an engineer and at her time that was considered a good catch. She herself was a daughter of an engineer and in some ways it was a class thing. Her family would not have allowed her to date someone with a blue collar family background.
I think she lived a horrible life.

I purposely got myself an education and a career so that I could be free to date and marry who a poor person if I do wished.

What you forget is that those good catch guys treat women like dirt. I know from personal experience and I know what their girlfriends and wives go through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

Until he has an affair or loses his job. People can get sick, have accidents, die early and become disabled. What are you going to do then? Just keep that head in the sand. Life is long and can change in an instant.

Aliens can invade. A volcano can erupt.

Anyone can get sick and die early or have any tragedy take place and being happy with one's current choices does not equate having a head in the sand.

I'm not saying there isn't value in having your own career, but you do realize that there are things you can do to mitigate risk of being left destitute if a spouse left you or got sick or died, including prenups, life insurance, long-term disability insurance etc. For a lot of these people, the hardest part would be the heartbreak, not an economic hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Being happy is.

So you’re saying the sentence “I was unhappy despite my success” is nonsensical to you? No. Clearly these are not the same things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

Until he has an affair or loses his job. People can get sick, have accidents, die early and become disabled. What are you going to do then? Just keep that head in the sand. Life is long and can change in an instant.

Aliens can invade. A volcano can erupt.

Anyone can get sick and die early or have any tragedy take place and being happy with one's current choices does not equate having a head in the sand.


Agree with the PP. Part of being happy is also planning for the future to help mitigate against the unknown. A man is not a plan. If you are an adult you should be able to provide for yourself. Keep that head in sand. Good luck! 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

Until he has an affair or loses his job. People can get sick, have accidents, die early and become disabled. What are you going to do then? Just keep that head in the sand. Life is long and can change in an instant.

Aliens can invade. A volcano can erupt.

Anyone can get sick and die early or have any tragedy take place and being happy with one's current choices does not equate having a head in the sand.

I'm not saying there isn't value in having your own career, but you do realize that there are things you can do to mitigate risk of being left destitute if a spouse left you or got sick or died, including prenups, life insurance, long-term disability insurance etc. For a lot of these people, the hardest part would be the heartbreak, not an economic hit.

No the hardest part for them is losing the cash cow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

+ 1

The longest and best marriages I know of started off dating in college.

Wow, surprised by these answers. They don’t really get backed up by studies though because the longer you wait to get married, the more likely you are to stay married. I also find that confident guys who know they have no business getting married at 23, can mature on their own with experience dating, traveling, living an untethered life for a while which is something I value. I didn’t know who I was right out of college and I have changed. A lot. So did most of my friends. I will counsel my kids to wait until they are late 20s at the earliest to settle down. I’ve seen far too many crash and burn first marriages where the couple met in college. You simply need more experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

I wonder if one of you is married to my boss, because that describes him to a T. He’s not cheating and is a doll at work FWIW.

How many 5 child biglaw sahm wives are there out there?

I know my husband is great I overhear him distance learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married in my early twenties a big law attorney. We have five children and I stay at home. I am happy with how it’s all going so I guess that’s considered a success.

Are you me?

I wonder if one of you is married to my boss, because that describes him to a T. He’s not cheating and is a doll at work FWIW.

How many 5 child biglaw sahm wives are there out there?

I know my husband is great I overhear him distance learning.

5 kids are relatively rare in biglaw (I’ve been here long enough to know) but here’s one that might make him an outlier: he wants a 6th, lol