Is being married and having children a barometer of success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

To me, as a woman, success means having a good marriage if you want to be married, or having a good single life if you want to be single. We have freedom to choose today. Make full use of that freedom and live the best life you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by “desirable”? Are you referring to superficial measures of success, like wealth and status? Or are you referring to character, integrity, the capacity for a healthy relationship, even in the absence of those superficial measures? Like a low-earning teacher or social worker of good character who loves and adores his wife? Do you value the latter in the same way?

OP here. I think I mean a bit of both. A "desirable" guy in my definition is:

- Someone with good character and great sense of moral compass
- Family oriented
- Comes from a "nice" family
- Responsible and ambitious

You know them when you meet them. They are not shady or sketchy. Just clean, decent and upstanding men.

They run in all socioeconomic circles.

So if he was born into unfortunate circumstances, he's not a catch because of something over which he has no control? That's unbelievably shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

[Anonymous]

I think a good marriage is a sign of two people who are stable, committed, can compromise, persevere and are honest among other things including making a good choice for a mate.

Good kids are both born and raised to be good. It's mostly a reflection of the parents.

That being said if you screw your kids up no other accomplishments in life will offset it. That's your lasting legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

So true but some guys will lie about being in a coma 10 years. Usually they're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

What about guys in their 30s and forties who are divorced?

[Anonymous]

Man, are people being purposefully obtuse in here.

Obviously, OP was asking about people who actually WANT to be married and have kids!

If you don't want these things in the first place, then this conversation and standard are not for you! Duh.

Why do people on this website assume that every conversation is about them? It's the strangest thing. You don't have to reply in threads that have nothing to do with your life or what you want for your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

I agree that is a measure. It's a lot of work to raise kids well.

[Anonymous]

This is the best and quickest summary in the importance of marriage:
https://youtu.be/rAReS2JnJ18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, are people being purposefully obtuse in here.

Obviously, OP was asking about people who actually WANT to be married and have kids!

If you don't want these things in the first place, then this conversation and standard are not for you! Duh.

Why do people on this website assume that every conversation is about them? It's the strangest thing. You don't have to reply in threads that have nothing to do with your life or what you want for your life.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

I agree that is a measure. It's a lot of work to raise kids well.

x 1000

If the pandemic and school going away is teaching us anything, it's this!

[Anonymous]

Of course it's an accomplishment to have a long, successful marriage (meaning both partners are still happy and in love after several DECADES) and to raise decent, happy, successful human beings.

Both of these things are really hard to do. We know this. How is this a question???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

What about guys in their 30s and forties who are divorced?

That's a mixed bag. Some of them are decent guys who made a mistake, learned from it, and now want to get married again and start a family. Some of them are damaged, bitter guys to avoid. There's usually something wrong with guys who reach 40's and never had kids. They had plenty of time to figure that out if they were serious about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

What about guys in their 30s and forties who are divorced?

I suffered from bad social anxiety, but with help I overcame it. Too bad women see me as damaged since I never married. Why even bother dating/trying...I have expired.