Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

“History is filled with the sound of silken slippers going downstairs and wooden shoes coming up.” He’ll be able to earn a living, just not have the same UMC existence as his parents

You don’t even know that OP’s kid won’t be UMC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am wondering why your post starts with “assuming no health issues” when, in fact, your kid has a known health issue. I think it might be helpful for you to read up on the many varied effects of ADHD so you will have a better idea of what to expect. Boys in general, boys with ADHD particularly, are often years behind their peers in terms of getting themselves together to be productive, motivated, ready to get on with it. Don’t give up.

The OPs kid doesn't have ADHD (that she knows anyway), another poster brought up her kid with ADHD and the two are getting confused in the discussion after that.

22:47 sounds like OP is saying her son is on adderall, which means ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

+100

[Anonymous]

My niece dropped out of HS, got her ged then LPN degree, had a kid at 19, got her BSN, married an actuary, and now they have 2 kids happily!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

It is not unrealistic that OP's kids will make average or above average salary. He is a teen and he likes video game and sports. That is actually normal and OP sounds horrible . It's not magic, he isn't doing anything wrong. He is on the right path, it's just not the path OP imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

A teen boy’s grades don’t determine the rest of their life

[Anonymous]

OP your son is into sports and video games. Research colleges that have excellent sports management game design programs. Wondering if he's aware of this. You didn't say how old he is. Are you DMV? I'm not, but I've read that GMU has a great program for game designers. Plenty of colleges offer sports mgmt. If he's in a HS that offers business courses, sports mgmt/marketing classes are sometimes offered as electives. Make this your family project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

It is not unrealistic that OP's kids will make average or above average salary. He is a teen and he likes video game and sports. That is actually normal and OP sounds horrible . It's not magic, he isn't doing anything wrong. He is on the right path, it's just not the path OP imagined.

Average is much closer to 50k than the 100k plus examples

[Anonymous]

I had no real interests as a teen - I watched a lot of TV and read. No sports or leadership. I went to a state school and graduated with a ridiculous major, dropped out of law school, got a government job that I'm quite good at. I'm perfectly content and able to hold up my half of our two-income household (which is composed entirely of non-competitive people). I don't know how "plays video games and watches sports" translates to - "won't graduate from college or hold down a job." My lazy ADHD teen is currently in college and is doing fine. No, he's not as intense and driven as many young people who grew up in this area, but that doesn't make him a pile of human garbage.

OP, it sounds like you just can't stand the fact that your DS doesn't have your exact personality and attributes. He probably doesn't bother training for his sport because anything less than being the best on the team would probably be disappointing to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

It is not unrealistic that OP's kids will make average or above average salary. He is a teen and he likes video game and sports. That is actually normal and OP sounds horrible . It's not magic, he isn't doing anything wrong. He is on the right path, it's just not the path OP imagined.

Average is much closer to 50k than the 100k plus examples

And so what. A couple with $100k total hhi can have a great life in most of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had no real interests as a teen - I watched a lot of TV and read. No sports or leadership. I went to a state school and graduated with a ridiculous major, dropped out of law school, got a government job that I'm quite good at. I'm perfectly content and able to hold up my half of our two-income household (which is composed entirely of non-competitive people). I don't know how "plays video games and watches sports" translates to - "won't graduate from college or hold down a job." My lazy ADHD teen is currently in college and is doing fine. No, he's not as intense and driven as many young people who grew up in this area, but that doesn't make him a pile of human garbage.

OP, it sounds like you just can't stand the fact that your DS doesn't have your exact personality and attributes. He probably doesn't bother training for his sport because anything less than being the best on the team would probably be disappointing to you.

+100

[Anonymous]

Its also not realistic to think that all kids with ADHD will be functional to operate a business, etc. There is a spectrum of intelligence and talent like any other intellectual disability. Not all adhd folks can build things or effectively manage workers, etc.

OP, you don't have to accept your DS behavior. You could cut out the screen time, for starters. He probably lacks creativity because he's been so glued to video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming no health issues, is this possible? Do you just give up the big dreams? What exactly do you encourage or hope for your child that just doesn't have any traditional pursuits aside from video game and watching sports on tv addiction? We're at our wit's end. What is the long-term best-case?

I assumed this about my teen (though I was always aware that he had other strengths that would make him successful in life), and then when they got to college they turned it around and became incredibly driven and hard-working. Sometimes the solution to this is time.