SAHMs of children entering school age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

My husband isn't a workaholic at all and has a very flexible work schedule. We had lunch dates pre-covid and he regularly adjusted his schedule to attend school events during the day and drove activities most nights.

You can’t have it both ways. Didn’t you write that you quitting and taking on the household/childcare work afforded your husband career advancement opportunities? Which means that he is perpetuating the idea in his workplace that movers-and-shakers need to have SAHWs. The junior folks will observe. I know I personally find it heartening that the people up my chain of command, up to the head of the division, all have working spouses. It makes them more reasonable because they “get it” since there’s no housewife at home taking care of everything and they actually have responsibilities at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

My husband isn't a workaholic at all and has a very flexible work schedule. We had lunch dates pre-covid and he regularly adjusted his schedule to attend school events during the day and drove activities most nights.

You can’t have it both ways. Didn’t you write that you quitting and taking on the household/childcare work afforded your husband career advancement opportunities? Which means that he is perpetuating the idea in his workplace that movers-and-shakers need to have SAHWs. The junior folks will observe. I know I personally find it heartening that the people up my chain of command, up to the head of the division, all have working spouses. It makes them more reasonable because they “get it” since there’s no housewife at home taking care of everything and they actually have responsibilities at home.

I quit as my child care fell through and we couldn't afford a nanny. I stayed out because my child had SN and later on I had to take care of my MIL. He had higher earning potential than I did and over the years has replaced my salary. I could never do that in the field I was in. It was 100% my choice. My husband offered it to me but I kept refusing as my parents would be furious, which they were and it ended our relationship (which I knew and was fine with). My husband does a lot. My husband would have had the same career opportunities either way but with his current job he might not have been able to travel the few weeks a year but he's always been able to turn them down or cancel if there was an issue (he canceled one when I got sick and one when his mom was at the end of life and he spent the entire two weeks working from her nursing home room to be there to care for her). Life is about choices. Nothing wrong with working or staying home and you do what's best for you and your family. Stop blaming men. You married a horrible spouse but many of us didn't. If I wanted a career, my husband would have gladly stayed home and been very good at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

If only we could all be clones of you and your husband.
Sorry that some of us are defective! It must trouble your little world to have us “very wrong” people out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

My husband isn't a workaholic at all and has a very flexible work schedule. We had lunch dates pre-covid and he regularly adjusted his schedule to attend school events during the day and drove activities most nights.

You can’t have it both ways. Didn’t you write that you quitting and taking on the household/childcare work afforded your husband career advancement opportunities? Which means that he is perpetuating the idea in his workplace that movers-and-shakers need to have SAHWs. The junior folks will observe. I know I personally find it heartening that the people up my chain of command, up to the head of the division, all have working spouses. It makes them more reasonable because they “get it” since there’s no housewife at home taking care of everything and they actually have responsibilities at home.

I quit as my child care fell through and we couldn't afford a nanny. I stayed out because my child had SN and later on I had to take care of my MIL. He had higher earning potential than I did and over the years has replaced my salary. I could never do that in the field I was in. It was 100% my choice. My husband offered it to me but I kept refusing as my parents would be furious, which they were and it ended our relationship (which I knew and was fine with). My husband does a lot. My husband would have had the same career opportunities either way but with his current job he might not have been able to travel the few weeks a year but he's always been able to turn them down or cancel if there was an issue (he canceled one when I got sick and one when his mom was at the end of life and he spent the entire two weeks working from her nursing home room to be there to care for her). Life is about choices. Nothing wrong with working or staying home and you do what's best for you and your family. Stop blaming men. You married a horrible spouse but many of us didn't. If I wanted a career, my husband would have gladly stayed home and been very good at it.

You sound really defensive. And it’s odd that quitting would cause your parents to disown you. Methinks there’s more to the story.

Also, a husband is not a “horrible spouse” just because his wife works, FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my FT, WOH job after DC was born. I actually went back for a while after maternity leave, but our nanny share fell apart, we couldn't find a daycare that was close to our house or either of our jobs, and my job had been a nightmare since I'd returned (I was pumping milk in a supply closet, my boss was flipping out if I asked to work a slightly adjusted schedule so I could be home in time to relieve the nanny, etc.). So it wasn't exactly my choice to SAH but everything got much, much easier when I did.

Now DC is starting school soon (well, whenever school is in-person again), and I am already lining up work. I've learned from my last job and will only take a job that allows me flexibility. I started a part time, freelance, WFH position earlier this year to test the waters. It's been great, and I've already started talking about stepping up my hours when DC is in school. My goal is to work about 25-30 hours a week, giving me some extra time during the week to be with DC and to also just have some time to myself. Plus, my income will help us afford activities and summer camp for DC, which is good for DC and also good for me because again, more time.

I loved SAH with DC, even though it wasn't planned. I would never get that time back and while I very much respect all WOH parents, I'm personally glad I didn't spend those years in a job I didn't like very much while DC was in a childcare situation that also wasn't great. But wow do I look forward to having more independence and alone time, and to making more money and spending more time talking to adults about what DC calls "grown up things." I miss grown up things.

My exact same situation. Need to start off with that flexible job and build your way up. My 8th & 10th graders are fairly self-regulating and did really well on SHSATs. It is doubtful they could have tested into the specialized NYC high schools if I outsourced the parenting.
If I did work, I'd probably be paying for private school tuition because they wouldn't have been able to test into the NYC G&T programs. And my job doesn't pay enough for 2 private school tuitions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my FT, WOH job after DC was born. I actually went back for a while after maternity leave, but our nanny share fell apart, we couldn't find a daycare that was close to our house or either of our jobs, and my job had been a nightmare since I'd returned (I was pumping milk in a supply closet, my boss was flipping out if I asked to work a slightly adjusted schedule so I could be home in time to relieve the nanny, etc.). So it wasn't exactly my choice to SAH but everything got much, much easier when I did.

Now DC is starting school soon (well, whenever school is in-person again), and I am already lining up work. I've learned from my last job and will only take a job that allows me flexibility. I started a part time, freelance, WFH position earlier this year to test the waters. It's been great, and I've already started talking about stepping up my hours when DC is in school. My goal is to work about 25-30 hours a week, giving me some extra time during the week to be with DC and to also just have some time to myself. Plus, my income will help us afford activities and summer camp for DC, which is good for DC and also good for me because again, more time.

I loved SAH with DC, even though it wasn't planned. I would never get that time back and while I very much respect all WOH parents, I'm personally glad I didn't spend those years in a job I didn't like very much while DC was in a childcare situation that also wasn't great. But wow do I look forward to having more independence and alone time, and to making more money and spending more time talking to adults about what DC calls "grown up things." I miss grown up things.

My exact same situation. Need to start off with that flexible job and build your way up. My 8th & 10th graders are fairly self-regulating and did really well on SHSATs. It is doubtful they could have tested into the specialized NYC high schools if I outsourced the parenting.
If I did work, I'd probably be paying for private school tuition because they wouldn't have been able to test into the NYC G&T programs. And my job doesn't pay enough for 2 private school tuitions.

I took the specialized exam years ago and graduated from Bronx Science. The whole point of the exam was to identify talented and gifted students, not to study for the exam. I came from a low income immigrant family, the majority of my classmates and friends at Stuyvesant and Tech came from similar backgrounds. None of us studied for that exam, we certainly couldn’t afford extra tutors and none of our parents were around to school us. If your kids truly belonged in the specialized schools, they wouldn’t have needed your help to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

My husband isn't a workaholic at all and has a very flexible work schedule. We had lunch dates pre-covid and he regularly adjusted his schedule to attend school events during the day and drove activities most nights.

You can’t have it both ways. Didn’t you write that you quitting and taking on the household/childcare work afforded your husband career advancement opportunities? Which means that he is perpetuating the idea in his workplace that movers-and-shakers need to have SAHWs. The junior folks will observe. I know I personally find it heartening that the people up my chain of command, up to the head of the division, all have working spouses. It makes them more reasonable because they “get it” since there’s no housewife at home taking care of everything and they actually have responsibilities at home.

I quit as my child care fell through and we couldn't afford a nanny. I stayed out because my child had SN and later on I had to take care of my MIL. He had higher earning potential than I did and over the years has replaced my salary. I could never do that in the field I was in. It was 100% my choice. My husband offered it to me but I kept refusing as my parents would be furious, which they were and it ended our relationship (which I knew and was fine with). My husband does a lot. My husband would have had the same career opportunities either way but with his current job he might not have been able to travel the few weeks a year but he's always been able to turn them down or cancel if there was an issue (he canceled one when I got sick and one when his mom was at the end of life and he spent the entire two weeks working from her nursing home room to be there to care for her). Life is about choices. Nothing wrong with working or staying home and you do what's best for you and your family. Stop blaming men. You married a horrible spouse but many of us didn't. If I wanted a career, my husband would have gladly stayed home and been very good at it.

You sound really defensive. And it’s odd that quitting would cause your parents to disown you. Methinks there’s more to the story.

Also, a husband is not a “horrible spouse” just because his wife works, FYI.

They didn't disown me but it caused a huge rift. I wish they would have. There were other issues that had nothing to do with me but they were very clear they expected me to work. I don't know why as they've never helped with anything. A good husband gives his wife the choice to work. A good husband helps with the house and kids and things are equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my FT, WOH job after DC was born. I actually went back for a while after maternity leave, but our nanny share fell apart, we couldn't find a daycare that was close to our house or either of our jobs, and my job had been a nightmare since I'd returned (I was pumping milk in a supply closet, my boss was flipping out if I asked to work a slightly adjusted schedule so I could be home in time to relieve the nanny, etc.). So it wasn't exactly my choice to SAH but everything got much, much easier when I did.

Now DC is starting school soon (well, whenever school is in-person again), and I am already lining up work. I've learned from my last job and will only take a job that allows me flexibility. I started a part time, freelance, WFH position earlier this year to test the waters. It's been great, and I've already started talking about stepping up my hours when DC is in school. My goal is to work about 25-30 hours a week, giving me some extra time during the week to be with DC and to also just have some time to myself. Plus, my income will help us afford activities and summer camp for DC, which is good for DC and also good for me because again, more time.

I loved SAH with DC, even though it wasn't planned. I would never get that time back and while I very much respect all WOH parents, I'm personally glad I didn't spend those years in a job I didn't like very much while DC was in a childcare situation that also wasn't great. But wow do I look forward to having more independence and alone time, and to making more money and spending more time talking to adults about what DC calls "grown up things." I miss grown up things.

My exact same situation. Need to start off with that flexible job and build your way up. My 8th & 10th graders are fairly self-regulating and did really well on SHSATs. It is doubtful they could have tested into the specialized NYC high schools if I outsourced the parenting.
If I did work, I'd probably be paying for private school tuition because they wouldn't have been able to test into the NYC G&T programs. And my job doesn't pay enough for 2 private school tuitions.

I took the specialized exam years ago and graduated from Bronx Science. The whole point of the exam was to identify talented and gifted students, not to study for the exam. I came from a low income immigrant family, the majority of my classmates and friends at Stuyvesant and Tech came from similar backgrounds. None of us studied for that exam, we certainly couldn’t afford extra tutors and none of our parents were around to school us. If your kids truly belonged in the specialized schools, they wouldn’t have needed your help to get there.

Kids don't need tutors but parental support really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

This is ridiculous. My husband can’t help with childcare at all during the week. He is gone by 6am and comes home by 10pm. We have been happily married a long time and this arrangement suits us just fine. He makes excellent money, we have great health benefits/pension, and he absolutely loves his job. He handles the bills, I handle the kids and house. I have a degree but never found any job I like as much as hanging out with my kids. I’m an introvert who likes to cook, clean, do yard work, and do maintenance around the house. Instead of making blanket statements about all partnerships, we should focus on supporting the decisions of all types of parents, those who choose to stay at home and those who choose to work. It’s not a one size fits all situation.

He can help, he chooses not to. Something is wrong if your spouse is gone that long every day all day. You care more about money than family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

NP. Stop tying “society” to my choices. Please go ask your mom or grandma what the feminist movement was all about. Choice! And guess what. I’m choosing to be super happy with my life. I hope you and ALL women are happy with their life choices —and the freedom to make those choices—too.

The only thing in our society that leads to choices is money.

Another thread full of privileged women going on about how liberated they are and how if you don’t have their privilege, you and your husband must be defective. Barf. No awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

This is ridiculous. My husband can’t help with childcare at all during the week. He is gone by 6am and comes home by 10pm. We have been happily married a long time and this arrangement suits us just fine. He makes excellent money, we have great health benefits/pension, and he absolutely loves his job. He handles the bills, I handle the kids and house. I have a degree but never found any job I like as much as hanging out with my kids. I’m an introvert who likes to cook, clean, do yard work, and do maintenance around the house. Instead of making blanket statements about all partnerships, we should focus on supporting the decisions of all types of parents, those who choose to stay at home and those who choose to work. It’s not a one size fits all situation.

He can help, he chooses not to. Something is wrong if your spouse is gone that long every day all day. You care more about money than family.

Sounds like you need therapy PP, it’s not healthy to care so much about the lives of others. Please get some support, for your sake and the sake of your friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

This is ridiculous. My husband can’t help with childcare at all during the week. He is gone by 6am and comes home by 10pm. We have been happily married a long time and this arrangement suits us just fine. He makes excellent money, we have great health benefits/pension, and he absolutely loves his job. He handles the bills, I handle the kids and house. I have a degree but never found any job I like as much as hanging out with my kids. I’m an introvert who likes to cook, clean, do yard work, and do maintenance around the house. Instead of making blanket statements about all partnerships, we should focus on supporting the decisions of all types of parents, those who choose to stay at home and those who choose to work. It’s not a one size fits all situation.

He can help, he chooses not to. Something is wrong if your spouse is gone that long every day all day. You care more about money than family.

Sounds like you need therapy PP, it’s not healthy to care so much about the lives of others. Please get some support, for your sake and the sake of your friends and family.

Why on earth do you have kids if you cannot be bothered to spend time with them? That's not a family and that's really sad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my FT, WOH job after DC was born. I actually went back for a while after maternity leave, but our nanny share fell apart, we couldn't find a daycare that was close to our house or either of our jobs, and my job had been a nightmare since I'd returned (I was pumping milk in a supply closet, my boss was flipping out if I asked to work a slightly adjusted schedule so I could be home in time to relieve the nanny, etc.). So it wasn't exactly my choice to SAH but everything got much, much easier when I did.

Now DC is starting school soon (well, whenever school is in-person again), and I am already lining up work. I've learned from my last job and will only take a job that allows me flexibility. I started a part time, freelance, WFH position earlier this year to test the waters. It's been great, and I've already started talking about stepping up my hours when DC is in school. My goal is to work about 25-30 hours a week, giving me some extra time during the week to be with DC and to also just have some time to myself. Plus, my income will help us afford activities and summer camp for DC, which is good for DC and also good for me because again, more time.

I loved SAH with DC, even though it wasn't planned. I would never get that time back and while I very much respect all WOH parents, I'm personally glad I didn't spend those years in a job I didn't like very much while DC was in a childcare situation that also wasn't great. But wow do I look forward to having more independence and alone time, and to making more money and spending more time talking to adults about what DC calls "grown up things." I miss grown up things.

My exact same situation. Need to start off with that flexible job and build your way up. My 8th & 10th graders are fairly self-regulating and did really well on SHSATs. It is doubtful they could have tested into the specialized NYC high schools if I outsourced the parenting.
If I did work, I'd probably be paying for private school tuition because they wouldn't have been able to test into the NYC G&T programs. And my job doesn't pay enough for 2 private school tuitions.

I took the specialized exam years ago and graduated from Bronx Science. The whole point of the exam was to identify talented and gifted students, not to study for the exam. I came from a low income immigrant family, the majority of my classmates and friends at Stuyvesant and Tech came from similar backgrounds. None of us studied for that exam, we certainly couldn’t afford extra tutors and none of our parents were around to school us. If your kids truly belonged in the specialized schools, they wouldn’t have needed your help to get there.

Kids don't need tutors but parental support really helps.

NP. Again, if your kids needed a SAHM to help them study for SHSATs, they are not truly gifted and talented enough to belong at a specialized high school.

- Stuyvesant and Harvard alum with two working parents who supported me plenty but didn’t helicopter

[Anonymous]

I don't intend to return to work. The high demands of distance learning for my first grader solidified this decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go back unless my DH was really on board. I’m not interested in working a second shift.

Husbands like these are the problem. They are what is keeping women out of the workforce. It's gross.