SAHMs of children entering school age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

NP. Stop tying “society” to my choices. Please go ask your mom or grandma what the feminist movement was all about. Choice! And guess what. I’m choosing to be super happy with my life. I hope you and ALL women are happy with their life choices —and the freedom to make those choices—too.

100% with you. We are not setting society back by making our own choices. You can't chain me to a stove or a desk.

OMG I’m going to use you as an example for the thread on the spoiled people. Living off someone else’s dime cause screw everyone else, you ain’t workin. What a tone-deaf, privileged thing to say.

How is it spoiled to be married and not work? You are contributing to your household in your own way. Why on earth would you say that? Contributing doesn't have to be financial. If I wasn't home helping with my MIL or our kids, it would have bene very hard for my husband to work full-time, especially with his mom. I very much contributed to my family despite not having an income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more challenging or important than the formative years of infancy to 3. I think all you that outsource care during those years but need to be home while they are in third grade are such a lazy bunch.

Kids will not remember you being home 0-3, but they will remember if you are home elementary-high school. Kids need you more, not less. They may be able to do more for themselves but they still need, want active and involved parents. You are lazy to think you can just stop parenting older kids. I didn't find the 0-3 very challenging and I had a special needs kid with lots of therapies so I had no choice but to stay home. I find the need is far greater later on. But, maybe if your kids don't want you around, its you. Mine want me at every school party, concert, any activity they do, etc.

Kids don’t remember 0-3, but their brains develop more during this time period than literally any other time in their lives! It’s seriously the most crucial time to connect with, teach, interact with, develop your child. Plus I will point out that a child can advocate for him or herself and rattle in a nanny or unsafe daycare situation more reliably after 3. Thank God for video cameras.

Video camera's are not a substitute for parents. My child couldn't speak at age 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

These are questions you should have discussed with your husband before you procreated with him. My husband and I discussed this before we had children, and we decided together that I’d stay home and he would continue working. He’s fine with it. I’m fine with it. We discussed it beforehand.

I have a friend who made it clear she wouldn’t have kids if it meant having to quit working. They both had demanding careers. He decided to take an early retirement and SAH. They COMMUNICATED beforehand.

If you and your husband didn’t hash this out before doing the deed and now either of you are upset, that’s a marriage issue, not a Women’s Rights issue. It’s a communication issue.

And you act as if it would be completely typical for a miserable childless man OR woman to just quit a job they don’t like and, I don’t know, stop paying bills and become homeless, because they didn’t like working anymore? Functioning people suck it up like a grown ass adult with bills to pay until they find a better job. Some of the most miserable jobs I ever had, I had before I had kids. Guess what? I had to slug along because I had shit to pay for, so I bitched about work to my friends like a normal person and went on interviews often. What’s preventing them from doing this WITH children?

We didn't talk about it at all as my parents were pressuring me to work and my husband kept saying it was a choice but I always shut him down. I was raised where it wasn't a choice and I have little respect for my parents in the choices they made as looking back we weren't a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was working when my kids were in daycare... came home when they were all in school. I found the demands of having school-age kids (homework, school closures, activities) to be more demanding and less out-source-able than the demands of having younger kids.

Serious question from someone with younger kids...how does that work. Once they are at school 6-7 hours a day, how is that busier. Isn't all that stuff concentrated into after school (late afternoon, evening, weekends)? I was looking forward to having more energy, not less.

She’s making it up. It’s way easier once they go to school and you have so much more free time. Some women need to justify themselves not working...

This is PP above. I’m not making it up. I was working a demanding job (50 hours a week when my eldest was in 2nd grade and it all fell apart. She started getting stress stomach aches at school, I was being called daily by the nurse’s office. If I put her in aftercare, the homework wasn’t get done and we’d be up until 9 getting it all done plus school projects every weekend. Even with a helpful husband it was madness. We realized we either needed a nanny who was a decent teacher or a parent at home (at least half time). I ended up resigning and took a very part-time job.

Yep,same here, I posted my story above. Pp is not interested in facts or experiences, and just has a chip on their shoulder.

If you can afford individual high quality care and to outsource a hell of a lot, it is easier to work. If you can't outsource a lot and you have to do group care then my advice is to be sure they go to a no-homework school and limit their evening activities. You can't pick your kid but you can make these choices and they will help.

Exactly. In our case, my intuition was that my eldest needed *me* involved, and that even the highest quality care wasn't going to work. There are times when a kid seriously just needs their parent. Maybe my kids are just high maintenance, but there it is. I do agree that working is easier if you can find the right care/school situation.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't that some women choose to stay home with their kids. The problem is that almost no men do. Childcare is work. Taking care of a household is work. Taking care of aging or sick relatives is work. We just don't value it as a society, which is both why men don't choose to do it and why women who do get pilloried for "setting women back."

Also, when people say that a woman staying home with her kids is setting women back, this always seems to treat "women" as a group limited to UMC, mostly white women, in or near urban centers. No one really talks about or considers how this system shifts the burden of childcare and housework onto women of color and immigrant women who are often not paid very well because, again, we do not value this work in our society. This isn't me judging anyone who sends their kids to daycare or has a nanny or someone to come clean their house -- I support women in their choices. But I think if we are going to talk about what is setting women back, we should be talking about ALL women, not just women who look like you and have the same background as you.

Another thing I've noticed is that makes people very uncomfortable when you say you enjoy being a SAHM. There is a very pervasive notice that childcare is drudgery and anyone who enjoys it must be too stupid or uneducated to understand that it's not important work. When I was staying home with my daughter for the first few years of her life, people would ask me incredulously, "Aren't you bored? What do you do all day?" The hilarious thing about this was that before I took time off with her, I was bored out of my mind in a job people consider intellectual (editor at a legal publication), and I loved the years I spent with her, learning about early childhood development, teaching myself to be more flexible and creative and spontaneous. It's not an exaggeration to say it's probably the best job I've ever had, but when I say that out loud to other professional women, some of them look at me like I've been lobotomized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that some women choose to stay home with their kids. The problem is that almost no men do. Childcare is work. Taking care of a household is work. Taking care of aging or sick relatives is work. We just don't value it as a society, which is both why men don't choose to do it and why women who do get pilloried for "setting women back."

Also, when people say that a woman staying home with her kids is setting women back, this always seems to treat "women" as a group limited to UMC, mostly white women, in or near urban centers. No one really talks about or considers how this system shifts the burden of childcare and housework onto women of color and immigrant women who are often not paid very well because, again, we do not value this work in our society. This isn't me judging anyone who sends their kids to daycare or has a nanny or someone to come clean their house -- I support women in their choices. But I think if we are going to talk about what is setting women back, we should be talking about ALL women, not just women who look like you and have the same background as you.

Another thing I've noticed is that makes people very uncomfortable when you say you enjoy being a SAHM. There is a very pervasive notice that childcare is drudgery and anyone who enjoys it must be too stupid or uneducated to understand that it's not important work. When I was staying home with my daughter for the first few years of her life, people would ask me incredulously, "Aren't you bored? What do you do all day?" The hilarious thing about this was that before I took time off with her, I was bored out of my mind in a job people consider intellectual (editor at a legal publication), and I loved the years I spent with her, learning about early childhood development, teaching myself to be more flexible and creative and spontaneous. It's not an exaggeration to say it's probably the best job I've ever had, but when I say that out loud to other professional women, some of them look at me like I've been lobotomized.

+100 I absolutely loved my years at home, from birth of first baby until my younger child was in kindergarten. I know they don't remember those years but I do and I'm so glad I was able to take that time with them. I wish everyone had the ability to handle those years as they wish, either working w/ good childcare or staying home. There is not one right way to do it.

I did want to and went back to work FT but to a flexible job where I could regularly WAH 1-2 days a week plus they went to an ES that was really oriented around working parents so there was only very rarely some activity where they wanted parents to show up mid-day (like one time in K and one time in 3rd grade) and the aftercare program was large and all their friends were there. So, I found it easy to transition to working full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that some women choose to stay home with their kids. The problem is that almost no men do. Childcare is work. Taking care of a household is work. Taking care of aging or sick relatives is work. We just don't value it as a society, which is both why men don't choose to do it and why women who do get pilloried for "setting women back."

Also, when people say that a woman staying home with her kids is setting women back, this always seems to treat "women" as a group limited to UMC, mostly white women, in or near urban centers. No one really talks about or considers how this system shifts the burden of childcare and housework onto women of color and immigrant women who are often not paid very well because, again, we do not value this work in our society. This isn't me judging anyone who sends their kids to daycare or has a nanny or someone to come clean their house -- I support women in their choices. But I think if we are going to talk about what is setting women back, we should be talking about ALL women, not just women who look like you and have the same background as you.

Another thing I've noticed is that makes people very uncomfortable when you say you enjoy being a SAHM. There is a very pervasive notice that childcare is drudgery and anyone who enjoys it must be too stupid or uneducated to understand that it's not important work. When I was staying home with my daughter for the first few years of her life, people would ask me incredulously, "Aren't you bored? What do you do all day?" The hilarious thing about this was that before I took time off with her, I was bored out of my mind in a job people consider intellectual (editor at a legal publication), and I loved the years I spent with her, learning about early childhood development, teaching myself to be more flexible and creative and spontaneous. It's not an exaggeration to say it's probably the best job I've ever had, but when I say that out loud to other professional women, some of them look at me like I've been lobotomized.

+100 I absolutely loved my years at home, from birth of first baby until my younger child was in kindergarten. I know they don't remember those years but I do and I'm so glad I was able to take that time with them. I wish everyone had the ability to handle those years as they wish, either working w/ good childcare or staying home. There is not one right way to do it.

I did want to and went back to work FT but to a flexible job where I could regularly WAH 1-2 days a week plus they went to an ES that was really oriented around working parents so there was only very rarely some activity where they wanted parents to show up mid-day (like one time in K and one time in 3rd grade) and the aftercare program was large and all their friends were there. So, I found it easy to transition to working full time.

Same, this was my experience as well. I wish the US did what many European countries do and offered monthly payments to families for their kids (and generous parental leave policies) because I think more people should get the opportunity to do this, but it can be very hard financially. I also think more men would take longer parental leave and do more childcare if the government provided a subsidy, because that would assign a value to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

How so? If anything, I should be helping you. I’m not taking that promotion you’re seeking. How am I holding you back? How am I holding any woman back? Explain this to me, please, how MY not working is holding YOU back from a better, more high-paying, more satisfying job. I’m waiting.

Actually by you not working you are freeing up that position for someone else so you are helping them with less competition.

Wrong. By not working and allowing her DH to be a workaholic, she is perpetuating the idea that one needs to be a workaholic with a SAHW to climb up the ladder. Completely antithetical to the family-friendly workplaces society should be striving for.

My husband isn't a workaholic at all and has a very flexible work schedule. We had lunch dates pre-covid and he regularly adjusted his schedule to attend school events during the day and drove activities most nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that some women choose to stay home with their kids. The problem is that almost no men do. Childcare is work. Taking care of a household is work. Taking care of aging or sick relatives is work. We just don't value it as a society, which is both why men don't choose to do it and why women who do get pilloried for "setting women back."

Also, when people say that a woman staying home with her kids is setting women back, this always seems to treat "women" as a group limited to UMC, mostly white women, in or near urban centers. No one really talks about or considers how this system shifts the burden of childcare and housework onto women of color and immigrant women who are often not paid very well because, again, we do not value this work in our society. This isn't me judging anyone who sends their kids to daycare or has a nanny or someone to come clean their house -- I support women in their choices. But I think if we are going to talk about what is setting women back, we should be talking about ALL women, not just women who look like you and have the same background as you.

Another thing I've noticed is that makes people very uncomfortable when you say you enjoy being a SAHM. There is a very pervasive notice that childcare is drudgery and anyone who enjoys it must be too stupid or uneducated to understand that it's not important work. When I was staying home with my daughter for the first few years of her life, people would ask me incredulously, "Aren't you bored? What do you do all day?" The hilarious thing about this was that before I took time off with her, I was bored out of my mind in a job people consider intellectual (editor at a legal publication), and I loved the years I spent with her, learning about early childhood development, teaching myself to be more flexible and creative and spontaneous. It's not an exaggeration to say it's probably the best job I've ever had, but when I say that out loud to other professional women, some of them look at me like I've been lobotomized.

+100 I absolutely loved my years at home, from birth of first baby until my younger child was in kindergarten. I know they don't remember those years but I do and I'm so glad I was able to take that time with them. I wish everyone had the ability to handle those years as they wish, either working w/ good childcare or staying home. There is not one right way to do it.

I did want to and went back to work FT but to a flexible job where I could regularly WAH 1-2 days a week plus they went to an ES that was really oriented around working parents so there was only very rarely some activity where they wanted parents to show up mid-day (like one time in K and one time in 3rd grade) and the aftercare program was large and all their friends were there. So, I found it easy to transition to working full time.

Same, this was my experience as well. I wish the US did what many European countries do and offered monthly payments to families for their kids (and generous parental leave policies) because I think more people should get the opportunity to do this, but it can be very hard financially. I also think more men would take longer parental leave and do more childcare if the government provided a subsidy, because that would assign a value to it.

Why should governments do either? Kids are a choice and if you cannot afford it, don't have them or as many. I took maternity leave as I saved my leave for years. I don't think the government should pay for maternity leave. Having a child is a choice. And, we should not offer monthly payments as your kids are your responsibility not anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I would love to see a separate DCUM forum entitled "Mommy Wars" for all these tiring threads. I would also like to suggest new forums called "Is it tacky?" and "Should I have another baby?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as we can afford it, I’m never going back.

It’s just easy. Yes, it’s afforded DH many more work opportunities and advancements, and more money. I’m OK with that. You have to be OK with that. I had a dream job I worked my ass off achieving, and some days I miss it, but never more than I love the this lifestyle.

Echoing others, logistically it just makes sense. We don’t ever worry about anything like sick days or snow days, summer vacations or... remote learning. Also, yes, you’ll be so surprised how the time gets away from you. Suddenly it’s 3:30 and you have to leave to get the kids from school in 15 minutes. I definitely keep busy and I’m never bored, but I also enjoy my own company. Introvert here!

Ugh, women like this are setting society back by decades.

No, women like this are not setting society back. Women should get the choice. I grew up in a family where my parents were really pissed when I quit. My mom was retired but hated being a mom and wouldn't help with child care (after saying she would) and my child care feel through right before I went back to work and she wouldn't help for a few weeks so I could go back. She resented me and still does for not going back but because I was home it allowed my husband to take better jobs every few years and work his way up. I could handle all the things at home and help his family when his mom needed help and us not worry. Women should have the choice if they can financially afford it. My mom hated being a mom and doing the day to day caretaking. I love it and see how it benefits my kids and husband but more importantly me. I was miserable working. I can easily keep myself busy and am far busier now than working as my focus is different. I want to raise my kids and not be raised by nannies and day care like I was.

The problem with your entire diatribe is that you confine this to women. All you talk about is you and your mom. What about your dad? What about your DH. Ask yourself why men are not asked to consider what’s best for their children when they make choices about their careers?

Sounds like you have issues wIth your mom specific to you and not to an argument about women’s advancement.

And how many men are miserable working? Quite a few I’d guess. Why do they have automatically have keep slogging?

Both of my parents were the same way and both selfish but my Dad more than my Mom. My husband would love to stop working but he has higher income earning potential. My husband has always made us the priority. If I had wanted to work and we needed him to stay home, he would have gladly done it and is very good at it. My husband does a lot and I have no complaints. If your husband doesn't support you, then you have a spouse issue, not a societal issue just like I had a parent issue. Women's advancement as well as Man's should be about many factors and choices.

Nothing wrong with my spouse. These are societal issues.

Can we both agree that “society” has a lot of issues and isn’t necessarily that great?
I don’t see the point of spending my life trying to conform with society in general. It makes more sense to me to do what is right for my friends and family and people I meet than it is to fully conform and embrace the values of a society that I think we can all agree has issues.

If your husband cannot be an equal partner and help with your kids, something is very wrong with your husband. If you both cannot make it work, something is wrong with both of you. I don't worry at all if something happens to me as my husband can handle it all.

This is ridiculous. My husband can’t help with childcare at all during the week. He is gone by 6am and comes home by 10pm. We have been happily married a long time and this arrangement suits us just fine. He makes excellent money, we have great health benefits/pension, and he absolutely loves his job. He handles the bills, I handle the kids and house. I have a degree but never found any job I like as much as hanging out with my kids. I’m an introvert who likes to cook, clean, do yard work, and do maintenance around the house. Instead of making blanket statements about all partnerships, we should focus on supporting the decisions of all types of parents, those who choose to stay at home and those who choose to work. It’s not a one size fits all situation.