SAHMs of children entering school age
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Anonymous
Same. I was a teacher and transferred my certificate to my new state. Was excited to look for a job. Then COVID hit....DH is high risk so even though some are retiring we’re not going to risk it. Plus my kindergartener will need full time assistance with virtual never mind the second grader. Fingers crossed for next school year. |
Anonymous
| We have found ourselves in the SAHM with school aged kids and a working DH in large part because the labor market is also not very accommodating of fathers who want to step back. DH tried for years to step out of a high paying but stressful finance job but employers did not want to hire him for jobs that would require a large pay cut and a lesser job title even though that is what he wanted. He finally quit out of frustration but now we are both consultants and don't have employer provided health insurance which is not a risk most families want to take. |
Anonymous
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I'm a SAHM of school aged kids. Last year was my first year with all the kids in school full time.
This is more of a confession (which I would NEVER say to anyone irl) it but the pandemic came around at the perfect time for me. Having the kids gone all day was nice for like 3 months because I was able to use that time to get some house projects done. But after that I started getting lonely and depressed with nothing much to do besides work out. I'm not sad that they're not going back to school full time this year, let's just say that. I wouldn't be sad if this extends into the 2021/22 school year either. My problem is that I don't have to work for the money so I have no desire to start at square 1 at some job requiring me to do all the grunt work. I don't have any "passions" for career either. I don't know what the eff I'm going to do when this pandemic is over. |
Anonymous
| I would have gone back to work as this year my youngest went into kindergarten, but: covid. I can’t see her sitting at a computer several hours a day without serious social and or mental damage at this age. |
Anonymous
Years ago is the most important part of your post. Things have changed dramatically. Your experiences were yours then but they are out of date now. Same with SATs. I didn't even prepare for the SATs, and none of my friends did either. We were all honors students. We all did well and got in to our choice colleges and honors programs within those colleges. I am not sure I would even get accepted today with that score. Times have dramatically changed. Also your comment that if they belonged there, they wouldn't have needed her help is just rude and out of touch. You don't have to be rude, especially when your information is so out of date. FYI IQ tests are the only tests that you don't prepare for these days. That is it. |
Anonymous
What are you babbling on about? You're the one who said you couldn't look past the end of your own nose... |
Anonymous
Helps to find a crew of likeminded other SAHMs to hang out with. Female companionship is key! Volunteering is also an option. I started working at a children's hospital (pre covid) which was intellectually and emotionally enriching, but gave me much needed flexibility in scheduling unlike a formal job. |
Anonymous
You think every woman should work, right? Because that’s what is pushing us forward towards some kind of ideal with more equality or more flexible jobs? That the societal pressure women feel to work is good. But here is the thing... society isn’t that great, it’s far from ideal, and there is no reason to have to follow societal norms and pressures. It only makes sense to do the right thing as you see it for the real people and problems in your real life. That doesn’t mean ignoring sexism, it means making it personal. Stop making it so abstract. You don’t know what the right, moral, and valuable thing is for a room of 50 women, let alone 50,000 or 50 million. You can’t say that all SAHMs are good, bad, right, or wrong. You have no idea. |
Anonymous
NP. I don’t think every woman should work, but I hate the dynamic of SAHM who takes care of everything so that their DH can do nothing but work. Several friends had to work under bosses like these who required useless FT and discouraged flexibility (because they never needed it themselves) and it was hellish. Definitely causes inequality in the workplace. |
Anonymous
How interesting that the really bad bosses aren't held responsible for their bad management skills, but instead other women who are not even working are to blame for their bad behavior. Women who never even met these asshole bosses are to blame for their shit. Until we start holding bad bosses responsible for their own actions, NOTHING WILL CHANGE. Poor victimized male bosses who can't even be held responsible for their decisions... Let's go right back to Eve and the apple, shall we? Poor victimized men. |
Anonymous
+2 Were you both teachers, too? |
Anonymous
Exactly. It's not the boss...it's his wife. Sure! |
Anonymous
I'm the PP to whom you are responding and no, I don't think every woman should work. What I do think should happen is that both men and women need to fight for more equality in the work place. I had a male boss at a Big4 firm who thought that he was a great dad because he was able to say goodnight to his kids before they went to bed at night. Literally did not see his children in the morning because he left before they woke up and only saw them once they were in bed at the end of the day, every day, but he patted himself on the back for being a super-involved dad. After he was an ass when I had a child-related issue when my husband had just had surgery and was still in the hospital and needed to come into work three hours late, I went to the managing partner and explained that his expectations of ALL parents, not just moms, was unrealistic. I got a raise, a promotion, and the ability to work from home whenever I wanted. I still had the same billable hour requirements, so it's not like my work load changed, but the conditions under which I had to work sure did. Men who don't ask for flexibility that allows them to be present parents, and women who don't fight harder to force employers to be more forgiving are doing nothing but reaffirming the toxic culture that still exists in many places. So my issue is with people, men and women, who don't try harder to make their workplace a better situation for all parents. You want to just bury your head in the sand and say, well, I'd rather just stay at home and let my husband work and who cares about everyone else. I think, personally, that that's a disgusting selfish view of the world. So I never said that all SAHMs are anything. You're the one who has no idea beyond the own four walls of your house, but it's really rich that you want to lecture me on not knowing what's right for everyone when all I said was that everyone should be able to make the choice that works best for them when you are failing to ignore that some women want to choose to work but can't. |
Anonymous
If that was all you said no one would disagree. |
Anonymous
Yes, because the wife, by giving up and staying home, enables her DH to be an asshole. If she gave him equal responsibilities of home and kids, he would have empathy for other working parents. |