If Affair was in the past, do you disclose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse finds out...and it's not uncommon for it to be discovered years after the fact. Remorseful AP or spouse of AP finds out and tells---it would result in divorce most definitely because you kept it buried.

If you come clean, it will be difficult for awhile, but ultimately it will allow for the marriage to repair. It will not repair with secrets. And, your spouse will eventually be able to work to trust. But, yeah, if they find out prior to you disclosing--that is BAD news.

OP here, why are you so sure if I disclose it can be worked out. Most people on here respond that if their spouse cheated, they would be gone and counsel others to do the same.

And if something comes to light say a year or two from now, isnt it easier to deal with for my spouse if it's then like 4 or 5 years in the past? As opposed to more recent? Seems like the more time that goes by the easier it would be to process if I have been faithful for the years in between which I have been

Hell no. It doesn’t work like that. Read the affair websites others have pointed to you. The ones doing the worst are people that found out years later. The idea of lying for so many years and keeping secrets makes it much harder. They also will not necessarily believe they have been faithful in the interim.

There are no guarantees of anything in life. I get so mad at people that have affairs on their marriages because it is so selfish with zero thought of the spouse, the children and the spouse and children you don’t know.

Then, cheaters don’t want to own it. Much more respect for somebody that admits they lacked integrity and did something morally wrong, admits and makes amends.

Everything you wrote us still all about YOU. The issue with your spouse was most likely caused by your behavior towards him (either subconsciously or intentionally). People having affairs gaslight their spouses and look for reasons to justify their shitty behavior. A spouse will become over critical, check out and look only for faults o they can go roll in the hay or suck pipe without shame or guilt.

For the first time in your life/marriage, you need to start owning your shortcomings and behavior and get to the root of the problem. Is there past trauma? Unaddressed childhood issues? Why are you looking outside for validation? Get individual therapy.

OP sounds narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse finds out...and it's not uncommon for it to be discovered years after the fact. Remorseful AP or spouse of AP finds out and tells---it would result in divorce most definitely because you kept it buried.

If you come clean, it will be difficult for awhile, but ultimately it will allow for the marriage to repair. It will not repair with secrets. And, your spouse will eventually be able to work to trust. But, yeah, if they find out prior to you disclosing--that is BAD news.

OP here, why are you so sure if I disclose it can be worked out. Most people on here respond that if their spouse cheated, they would be gone and counsel others to do the same.

And if something comes to light say a year or two from now, isnt it easier to deal with for my spouse if it's then like 4 or 5 years in the past? As opposed to more recent? Seems like the more time that goes by the easier it would be to process if I have been faithful for the years in between which I have been

.

PP here who found out ten years after spouse cheated. It made me question everything in the interim and every trip, late night since then. Also made me really angry because the cheating was before we had kids and not telling took away a lot of my agency. Finding out years later was worse. Tell and tell now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse finds out...and it's not uncommon for it to be discovered years after the fact. Remorseful AP or spouse of AP finds out and tells---it would result in divorce most definitely because you kept it buried.

If you come clean, it will be difficult for awhile, but ultimately it will allow for the marriage to repair. It will not repair with secrets. And, your spouse will eventually be able to work to trust. But, yeah, if they find out prior to you disclosing--that is BAD news.

OP here, why are you so sure if I disclose it can be worked out. Most people on here respond that if their spouse cheated, they would be gone and counsel others to do the same.

And if something comes to light say a year or two from now, isnt it easier to deal with for my spouse if it's then like 4 or 5 years in the past? As opposed to more recent? Seems like the more time that goes by the easier it would be to process if I have been faithful for the years in between which I have been

once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. you suck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse finds out...and it's not uncommon for it to be discovered years after the fact. Remorseful AP or spouse of AP finds out and tells---it would result in divorce most definitely because you kept it buried.

If you come clean, it will be difficult for awhile, but ultimately it will allow for the marriage to repair. It will not repair with secrets. And, your spouse will eventually be able to work to trust. But, yeah, if they find out prior to you disclosing--that is BAD news.

OP here, why are you so sure if I disclose it can be worked out. Most people on here respond that if their spouse cheated, they would be gone and counsel others to do the same.

And if something comes to light say a year or two from now, isnt it easier to deal with for my spouse if it's then like 4 or 5 years in the past? As opposed to more recent? Seems like the more time that goes by the easier it would be to process if I have been faithful for the years in between which I have been

Lady come clean and deal with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

High Five !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

Good on you both for coming clean but you're still the bad guys because you had an affair with someone in a relationship or married knowingly. Is there such a shortage of penis that you guys couldn't do better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

Good on you both for coming clean but you're still the bad guys because you had an affair with someone in a relationship or married knowingly. Is there such a shortage of penis that you guys couldn't do better?

I read that as she’s one that was cheated on. Her husband had 2 married ladies. Correct, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

Good on you both for coming clean but you're still the bad guys because you had an affair with someone in a relationship or married knowingly. Is there such a shortage of penis that you guys couldn't do better?

I read that as she’s one that was cheated on. Her husband had 2 married ladies. Correct, pp?

Yes. I’m the first pp. My husband confessed. I’m telling whore’s spouse in 6 months. She thinks she got away with the multi-year affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

Same, girl. Waiting for my divorce, alimony and child support to all be finalized. Then both their husbands will be hearing from me.

Good on you both for coming clean but you're still the bad guys because you had an affair with someone in a relationship or married knowingly. Is there such a shortage of penis that you guys couldn't do better?

Read. Their husbands had affairs with married women. They are telling the AP’s husbands. These women are not the ones that cheated. Look out OP. They are coming for you...

[Anonymous]

I loved watching that show “Cheaters” where they would go catch the lying cheats in the act. Vile humans beings. Scurrying like cockroaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t disclose OP. It’s over and it’s never going to happen again. You’re human and people make mistakes. I would prefer not to know, especially if marriage is going well and it really wasn’t happening ever again. There seem to be a lot of people on here with an ax to grind.

It's more that a lot of cheated on people who got divorced are justifiably angry at how many couples are blissfully ignorant of the infidelity in their marriage. Like, they have to deal with the divorce, split custody, financial hit, stigma, yet a huge % of marriages have infidelity but it never gets exposed so they get to live happily ever after.

I get the impulse to level the playing field. But assuming OP has kids, keep it to herself/himself and don't do it again. No use hurting the kids unnecessarily at this point.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Whore and whore husband had a 4-year affair and now all of the sudden it’s all about “not hurting the children”. These people do NOT think of that when they lie and cheat and get their rocks off, exposing their spouse’s to STIs and risk being caught by people outside the marriages that will gossip. Then, they are supposed to be allowed anonymity and protection from exposure when their spouses find out. Only their needs, their needs only. Everyone else is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse finds out...and it's not uncommon for it to be discovered years after the fact. Remorseful AP or spouse of AP finds out and tells---it would result in divorce most definitely because you kept it buried.

If you come clean, it will be difficult for awhile, but ultimately it will allow for the marriage to repair. It will not repair with secrets. And, your spouse will eventually be able to work to trust. But, yeah, if they find out prior to you disclosing--that is BAD news.

OP here, why are you so sure if I disclose it can be worked out. Most people on here respond that if their spouse cheated, they would be gone and counsel others to do the same.

And if something comes to light say a year or two from now, isnt it easier to deal with for my spouse if it's then like 4 or 5 years in the past? As opposed to more recent? Seems like the more time that goes by the easier it would be to process if I have been faithful for the years in between which I have been

.

PP here who found out ten years after spouse cheated. It made me question everything in the interim and every trip, late night since then. Also made me really angry because the cheating was before we had kids and not telling took away a lot of my agency. Finding out years later was worse. Tell and tell now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t disclose OP. It’s over and it’s never going to happen again. You’re human and people make mistakes. I would prefer not to know, especially if marriage is going well and it really wasn’t happening ever again. There seem to be a lot of people on here with an ax to grind.

It's more that a lot of cheated on people who got divorced are justifiably angry at how many couples are blissfully ignorant of the infidelity in their marriage. Like, they have to deal with the divorce, split custody, financial hit, stigma, yet a huge % of marriages have infidelity but it never gets exposed so they get to live happily ever after.

I get the impulse to level the playing field. But assuming OP has kids, keep it to herself/himself and don't do it again. No use hurting the kids unnecessarily at this point.

A huge percentage do not have affairs. It’s less than 25%. That’s something cheaters tell themselves to justify their vile actions.