If Affair was in the past, do you disclose?

[Anonymous]

I had an affair that lasted a little over 2 years, and it ended what will be 3 years this coming October. We only saw each other about once a month or so, and it had faded quite a bit towards the end. Married 16 years, 2 kids. Spouse doesn't know. We discussed going to therapy for an issue spouse has, and I question whether I should disclose this, but most of the advice I read says no, to take it to the grave.

I know the consensus on here is a spouse has a right to know, but is that still true if the affair is over?

[Anonymous]

Keep it to yourself. If there is anything still relevant that contributed to it, bring that up. I wouldn’t want to know at this point.

[Anonymous]

To the grave. Telling him now forces him to deal with something he shouldn’t have to deal with. Don’t tell.

[Anonymous]

It’s a cancer. Oprah special on affairs —experts all advocated it must come out. Secrets are bad in marriages.

[Anonymous]

Grave.

[Anonymous]

My friend just disclosed her husband’s affair to the OW’s husband 9 months after they ended the affair. She knew the day it ended and confronted OW. Apparently, OW never disclosed the 3.5 year (or her prior one).

Not a good situation for that cheater.

Any chance it could come out—you are better to be the one disclosing it vs them finding out from somebody else.

My own spouse couldn’t take the guilt and cracked and told me everything. Painful, but so glad I know so he could get therapy and work on his issues and I’m not getting exposed to STDs...which I could have been and had no idea.

[Anonymous]

What advice are you reading???

I’ve read about 25 infidelity books over the last 3 months and they all advocate truth and coming clean.

[Anonymous]

I’m telling other spouse at 6 months. Getting myself together and letting her think she got away with it. Bam! Mic drop, beatch.

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell your spouse but get checked for STDs.

But... are you willing to do individual therapy to figure out what is wrong with you so it doesn’t happen again?

If not, tell your spouse in therapy so he/she can get TF out.

[Anonymous]

Grave...and I am a fanatic about fidelity.

In this case though, you are trying to make it work by going to therapy, I see no point. And it will inflict permanent scars

[Anonymous]

Therapy for his issue?? Hahaaaa. Gaslight much? The bigger issue is your 2 year affair.

[Anonymous]

The only reason to tell spouse now is to get it off YOUR chest. I see that as selfish. This will hurt your spouse. You would be bringing him pain *just* to make you feel better.

Take it to the Grave. You messed up. That is what you deserve .... live with it.

[Anonymous]

Grave

[Anonymous]

“Over”? Nah you will have another unless you get individual therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Over”? Nah you will have another unless you get individual therapy.

+100