Is refusing to date or marry outside of your race/culture considered racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.

Uh, you pretty much defined a trait a racism by saying you’re not attracted to Asian guys.

Guess what?

You’re racist!!


Betcha didn’t know that about yourself, did you?

That’s an incrediblely f’ed up viewpoint. I don’t owe anyone a date, a relationship, or sex. Calling someone racist because they won’t date who you tell them they have to date is straight up grooming behavior. You’re insane.

You DO owe everyone a fair chance at being judged by their personal characteristics and their personality and not their race.

It is not racism to say Bob is a jerk or Bob is bald
Is IS racism to say that Bob is automatically unattractive because he is Asian/Indian/White/Black/Hispanic/etc

Sure, for employment, for housing, for education, absolutely. For respectful treatment every time I encounter that person, certainly. For dating? No. I don’t owe anyone my time or my body. This line of argument is appalling.

Well if one of us is talking about establishing a relationship and one is only talking about looking for someone to bang, no wonder we disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I asked you one. Feel free to answer it. You seem to have a higher bar for an online conversation than you do for dating.

Found the other racist.

Ok, groomer.

Racists always try very hard to accuse people of hings once they're called out for their racism. It's strange how their own opinions offend them. Shouldn't you take pride in your thoughts?

Right? And what the hell is a groomer? Stop trying to make fetch happen PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s an incrediblely f’ed up viewpoint. I don’t owe anyone a date, a relationship, or sex. Calling someone racist because they won’t date who you tell them they have to date is straight up grooming behavior. You’re insane.

What traits do all Asian men share that makes them unattractive?

Are you saying you date every person you meet who’s not “unattractive”? Is that the bar for you?

I'm not saying anything, I simply asked you a question.

And I asked you one. Feel free to answer it. You seem to have a higher bar for an online conversation than you do for dating.

You're working very hard to dodge my question. No, I don't date every person I meet who isn't unattractive. So, why don't you date Asian men?

No, I’m rejecting your attempts to invalidate my boundaries. I date for marriage. I date within my ethnicity and my religion. I’m not Asian, therefore I’m not going to date an Asian guy. I’m not setting out to reject Asian people. I have a narrow field of people that I am open to dating. Asian guys aren’t on that list. Blondes aren’t either. Are you going to go after me for that too?

Why do you only date within your ethnicity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This idea that black women have to date white men or they are racist is horrifying. Nobody is entitled to their bodies like that!

No one has to date anyone, but if you consider any race of people unilaterally unattractive, you are exhibiting racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I asked you one. Feel free to answer it. You seem to have a higher bar for an online conversation than you do for dating.

Found the other racist.

Ok, groomer.

Racists always try very hard to accuse people of hings once they're called out for their racism. It's strange how their own opinions offend them. Shouldn't you take pride in your thoughts?

Right? And what the hell is a groomer? Stop trying to make fetch happen PP.

She's using a term that's reserved for pedophiles because she's aware her point can't stand on its own so she has to sling as much mud as possible in the hope that something with stick. It's an insult to people who were actually groomed and molested as children, but she doesn't care about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I asked you one. Feel free to answer it. You seem to have a higher bar for an online conversation than you do for dating.

Found the other racist.

Ok, groomer.

Racists always try very hard to accuse people of hings once they're called out for their racism. It's strange how their own opinions offend them. Shouldn't you take pride in your thoughts?

Right? And what the hell is a groomer? Stop trying to make fetch happen PP.

She's using a term that's reserved for pedophiles because she's aware her point can't stand on its own so she has to sling as much mud as possible in the hope that something with stick. It's an insult to people who were actually groomed and molested as children, but she doesn't care about that.

Wow thanks for the explanation. Who uses words like these? PP is a sicko.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow thanks for the explanation. Who uses words like these? PP is a sicko.

Asian men should be very relieved that she doesn't want to date them Bullet dodged.

[Anonymous]

The heart wants what it wants?

I’ve never been attracted to anyone with blonde hair or fair features. I’ve only ever been attracted to men with dark hair and dark features.

Some people really do have a type, and that’s okay.

From my perspective, certain religions and races have very strong opinions about dating outside their group. I have more than one Asian friend whose parents boycotted the wedding because they married a different kind of Asian (think: Chinese marrying Vietnamese as but one example).

My white friend married a black man, and some of his relatives openly disapproved of him marrying a white woman.

A Jewish relative recently married a nice Christian guy originally from the Midwest. They had a very small wedding because of the vehement antisemitism prompted by their engagement.

I could go on. It’s certainly not just a white wasp thing.

And, sometimes being clear about who you are and what you want is the right thing to do. I had a Jewish friend who was adamant that they would never allow a Christmas tree in their house. They had a serious relationship end when this fact came out years into the relationship. I gently suggested they should go on JDate and simply tighten up the dating pool moving forward since it’s pretty dumb to spring that on someone as a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.

But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men? I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).


Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes.

DP I dated a Korean man and I can't speak for all Korean men but, I am speaking from my experience. I also dated a white Jewish guy. Again, disclaimer this is one guy but the reasons I did not marry them is not because they were Korean or Jewish is because our outlook on life was very different as well as what we wanted when we talked about raising a family. My way isn't better and their way isn't worse.

Never considered either for marriage and the reason is you marry the person's family as well. What both the Korean guy wanted and the Jewish guy wanted were different and their families were different but, I realized that was not the life I wanted.

For example, I want to celebrate Christmas and Easter. If I married into the Jewish family I might not be able to raise my kids the way I want. Nothing wrong with Jewish holidays etc but, I wanted a guy who shared my beliefs.

Korean family: They were very stereotypically pushing their kids to be lawyers or doctors which I get but, I didn't want to push my kids that way. Life is also to be enjoyed and being a "Tiger Mom" was not what I wanted.

I also don't consider myself a racist.

[Anonymous]

it depends - there definitely is massive racial 'leagues' in dating - the advent of online dating has aggregated large enough data to show which combos of race/gender are most desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The heart wants what it wants?

I’ve never been attracted to anyone with blonde hair or fair features. I’ve only ever been attracted to men with dark hair and dark features.

Some people really do have a type, and that’s okay.

From my perspective, certain religions and races have very strong opinions about dating outside their group. I have more than one Asian friend whose parents boycotted the wedding because they married a different kind of Asian (think: Chinese marrying Vietnamese as but one example).

My white friend married a black man, and some of his relatives openly disapproved of him marrying a white woman.

A Jewish relative recently married a nice Christian guy originally from the Midwest. They had a very small wedding because of the vehement antisemitism prompted by their engagement.

I could go on. It’s certainly not just a white wasp thing.

And, sometimes being clear about who you are and what you want is the right thing to do. I had a Jewish friend who was adamant that they would never allow a Christmas tree in their house. They had a serious relationship end when this fact came out years into the relationship. I gently suggested they should go on JDate and simply tighten up the dating pool moving forward since it’s pretty dumb to spring that on someone as a deal breaker.

Was your Jewish family okay with this relative marrying someone who wasn’t Jewish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it sexist to refuse to date or marry someone of a particular sex?

I do wonder sometimes why women (who tend to be more sexually fluid) don’t date other women more often. I hear a lot about curiosity and experimentation, but it’s usually focused on sexy and not on romance. I think even when women are open to bisexuality, they seem to look for heterosexual romance. I don’t understand enjoying kissing another woman but not dating her. That does sound homophobic.

Lemme guess, you think have a genital preference is transphobic too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I asked you one. Feel free to answer it. You seem to have a higher bar for an online conversation than you do for dating.

Found the other racist.

Ok, groomer.

Racists always try very hard to accuse people of hings once they're called out for their racism. It's strange how their own opinions offend them. Shouldn't you take pride in your thoughts?

Right? And what the hell is a groomer? Stop trying to make fetch happen PP.

She's using a term that's reserved for pedophiles because she's aware her point can't stand on its own so she has to sling as much mud as possible in the hope that something with stick. It's an insult to people who were actually groomed and molested as children, but she doesn't care about that.

It’s not reserved for pedophiles, and it is absolutely grooming to try to convince young women that they have to be open to dating anyone, lest they be called a racist. Or apparently homophobic now if they don’t want to date women. It’s happening right here on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not reserved for pedophiles, and it is absolutely grooming to try to convince young women that they have to be open to dating anyone, lest they be called a racist. Or apparently homophobic now if they don’t want to date women. It’s happening right here on this thread.

I'm not telling you to date everyone, and yes, you're using the word incorrectly. I also highly doubt you're a "young woman". Botox is great, but but doesn't change the date on your license. Stop pretending to be a victim because you were called out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it sexist to refuse to date or marry someone of a particular sex?

For the win! 🏆

Yes, I know the OP specified race/color. PPs analogy makes sense. Marriage is a union for life, based on the foundations of attraction, chemistry, values and the freedom to choose similar cultures, similar gender or not. It is what it is.

If anything has come to light during this current, divisive issue; it's that people truly do not comprehend what racism is.