Reply to Is refusing to date or marry outside of your race/culture considered racism?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes to answer your question - its racism.[/quote]

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous. [/quote]Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.[/quote]

But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men? I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).

Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes. [/quote]

DP  I dated a Korean man and I can't speak for all Korean men but, I am speaking from my experience.  I also dated a white Jewish guy.  Again, disclaimer this is one guy but the reasons I did not marry them is not because they were Korean or Jewish is because our outlook on life was very different as well as what we wanted when we talked about raising a family.  My way isn't better and their way isn't worse.

Never considered either for marriage and the reason is you marry the person's family as well.  What both the Korean guy wanted and the Jewish guy wanted were different and their families were different but, I realized that was not the life I wanted.

For example, I want to celebrate Christmas and Easter.  If I married into the Jewish family I might not be able to raise my kids the way I want.  Nothing wrong with Jewish holidays etc but, I wanted a guy who shared  my beliefs.

Korean family:  They were very stereotypically pushing their kids to be lawyers or doctors which I get but, I didn't want to push my kids that way.  Life is also to be enjoyed and being a "Tiger Mom" was not what I wanted.

I also don't consider myself a racist.  [/quote]

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