Is refusing to date or marry outside of your race/culture considered racism?

[Anonymous]

My son is a student at a NE college, and a lot of students will only date/marry their own race or culture, which is surprising to him, being raised here in the dc area, and it started an interesting dinner table conversation yesterday. Im curious what others think.

Is it racism for people to refuse themselves or to refuse to allow their children to date or marry outside their race/culture?

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised you’re just encountering this phenomenon for the first time

[Anonymous]

Check out this thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/893107.page

[Anonymous]

Nobody is entitled to someone else's body.

[Anonymous]

Just being honest, the Indian kids at my DD’s high school only sat with one another at school. They spoke in Hindu to each other. They weren’t allowed to hang around with “other” kids outside of school, let alone date them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s racism. I also think you are lumping together two very different things. I am white and Jewish, I would have no problem dating Jewish POC, even though they are relatively uncommon. I know I would have bigger issues dating a white Christian. To me a desire to date within your culture or religion is very natural.

[Anonymous]

I remember back in the day expressing interest in a Jewish man I'd become friendly with and he calmly and subtly let me know he "had" to be with a Jew.

It'd be easier for some people to accept many people do have cultural and racial preferences when it comes to dating and marrying people. It's not worth getting upset over it. Trying to impose a one size fits all cultural or moral norm on a very diverse human experience is equally oppressive.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the reason why. Restricting yourself because you think another race is less than or unworthy of you is bigoted. But, restricting yourself because you want to be able to connect based on shared experiences is not bigoted, restrictive, but not bigoted. Intent matters in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you’re just encountering this phenomenon for the first time

It’s not the first time we’ve encountered it.
To be frank, it’s the first time he’s tried to understand the current blm social media blitz from his college classmates who will typically only befriend, date, or marry those who look like them.

[Anonymous]

Yes to answer your question - its racism.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more to do with culture than racism - hard to have a relationship when you have completely different values and attitudes as someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s racism. I also think you are lumping together two very different things. I am white and Jewish, I would have no problem dating Jewish POC, even though they are relatively uncommon. I know I would have bigger issues dating a white Christian. To me a desire to date within your culture or religion is very natural.

If you had children, would you allow them to date a non-religious POC?

[Anonymous]

I want my sons to marry Jewish women. I don’t care if they are black, brown or purple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s racism. I also think you are lumping together two very different things. I am white and Jewish, I would have no problem dating Jewish POC, even though they are relatively uncommon. I know I would have bigger issues dating a white Christian. To me a desire to date within your culture or religion is very natural.

Ditto. Race doesn't matter to me in that way. Religion does. I was committed to marrying a Jewish man and raising my kids Jewish (and I did). I wouldn't have had any problem dating a Black Jew or other Jewish POC, but I have very rarely met any. And I wouldn't have had a problem dating a Black Christian man if it were just dating, but I always preferred to date for marriage, not just the dating experience, so that would not have been fair to him.

My sister for years dated a lovely Hispanic guy who was wonderful. We all loved him. He fit into our family so well personality-wise. But he was very committed to his Catholic faith and in the end that was a deal-breaker for them both.

I think if someone says "I wouldn't marry a ___" person it could be racism, or it could be recognition that one prefers to be with someone of a similar background. Without knowing the circumstances it's hard to say. I had a friend who said she just couldn't date a Black guy but she couldn't come up with a reason, just that it "felt weird." That's racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.