I’m married but I want to date

[Anonymous]

I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

Not really, because single men her age are probably looking to start their own families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

Not really, because single men her age are probably looking to start their own families.

PP here. I am dating mostly men in their 30s, never married, no kids. That is the same pool. I am not interested in divorced men with kids—I have my own. If I can get attention in that same pool she would be looking in, she could, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

Speak for yourself. This is not representative of "all men."

95% of straight men. (It's probably 99% but I will grant you it could be lower).

Seriously though, it's near universal in men to want to sleep around, which is why men don't question their relationship merely because they want to have sex with other women. That urge never leaves them no matter how madly in love they are.

Another man here, I can explain it. I have zero "urge to cheat." I'm happily married and happily faithful.

If one day my wife came to me and was just like "hey, honey, I've been thinking and I'm really happy with you and still totally want to monogamous to you forever but if you'd like to go sleep around I have no problem at all and in fact I think it might be fun to meet your new friends" and I actually believed her and that it wouldn't bother her (which I never would, because she's a normal human being and so of course it would bother her later on even if she thought it wouldn't) then....

yeah, I'd be sleeping with different women like the next weekend.

So I basically agree with the PP. So in theoretical world you'd like to have some rando sex. Ok, so what? Who wouldn't?

BUT YOU DON'T is the point. Because you made a promise not to, and because ultimately your kids will suffer if you do (because it will likely destabilize your marriage and the kids will bear the brunt of that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

Speak for yourself. This is not representative of "all men."

95% of straight men. (It's probably 99% but I will grant you it could be lower).

Seriously though, it's near universal in men to want to sleep around, which is why men don't question their relationship merely because they want to have sex with other women. That urge never leaves them no matter how madly in love they are.

Another man here, I can explain it. I have zero "urge to cheat." I'm happily married and happily faithful.

If one day my wife came to me and was just like "hey, honey, I've been thinking and I'm really happy with you and still totally want to monogamous to you forever but if you'd like to go sleep around I have no problem at all and in fact I think it might be fun to meet your new friends" and I actually believed her and that it wouldn't bother her (which I never would, because she's a normal human being and so of course it would bother her later on even if she thought it wouldn't) then....

yeah, I'd be sleeping with different women like the next weekend.

So I basically agree with the PP. So in theoretical world you'd like to have some rando sex. Ok, so what? Who wouldn't?

BUT YOU DON'T is the point. Because you made a promise not to, and because ultimately your kids will suffer if you do (because it will likely destabilize your marriage and the kids will bear the brunt of that).

This is all true. All men would sleep around if given permission, only some do it without permission.

OP, it's totally normal to have that urge. If you had dated others before marriage, you would have known that is a normal urge in every relationship, so you wouldn't be questioning this one now when the seven year itch strikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

Not really, because single men her age are probably looking to start their own families.

PP here. I am dating mostly men in their 30s, never married, no kids. That is the same pool. I am not interested in divorced men with kids—I have my own. If I can get attention in that same pool she would be looking in, she could, too.

Sure you are sweety

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you're bored. And my guess is that that boredom is not a good enough reason to throw away your marriage.

It's not easy being a mother of three. Life doesn't feel like your own. You look at your future and if feels like everything is already done and there's nothing new or exciting ahead. It doesn't have to be that way. You need to find novelty and excitement and new ways to socialized and be admired that don't include romantic entanglements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

Not really, because single men her age are probably looking to start their own families.

PP here. I am dating mostly men in their 30s, never married, no kids. That is the same pool. I am not interested in divorced men with kids—I have my own. If I can get attention in that same pool she would be looking in, she could, too.

Sure you are sweety

I am not sure why you think I'm lying. I'm not. Most people think I am much younger than my age. I am honest about my age. I don't have wrinkles, I am in good shape, and don't look much older than 30. My grandmother did not have a wrinkle until close to 50 and neither did my mother. So there.

[Anonymous]

Women would sleep around if given a pass as well.

[Anonymous]

Stop it. She is 30. I am early 40s with more men interested than I know what to do with. She is not dead.

I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

A 30 year old divorced father of three is going to have an easier time dating than a 30 year old divorced mother of three under every logical scenario. This fact will apply at 40 as well.

I understand that posters may have 'more men interested than I know what do with" and 'literally have a line" of men waiting. This poster's (or posters') experience does not change the fact that divorced mothers have more trouble dating than divorced fathers. Why should I "stop it" when stating a fact?

If a woman has an awful marriage, she has every right to get out of it. Her post-divorce freedom is likely to be much better than her pre-divorce life.

The OP needs to consider the fact that her DH would like have more women interested than he knows what to do with post-divorce, and a line of his own. As long as she understand how this fact would play into her considerations, she is informed enough to act.

To the posters with the lines and excess men, do you think that her DH (or XDH) would be sitting around pining for her instead of dating as much as he wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stop it. She is 30. I am early 40s with more men interested than I know what to do with. She is not dead.

I am sorry to say that a 28 year old with three kids is not exactly going to be the most popular woman on the dating apps....

Probably not but I am early 40s with two kids and have more attention than I could have imagined. But I am not looking to remarry. I would think a 28-year-old even with 3 kids would do better than me—and I literally have a line.

A 30 year old divorced father of three is going to have an easier time dating than a 30 year old divorced mother of three under every logical scenario. This fact will apply at 40 as well.

I understand that posters may have 'more men interested than I know what do with" and 'literally have a line" of men waiting. This poster's (or posters') experience does not change the fact that divorced mothers have more trouble dating than divorced fathers. Why should I "stop it" when stating a fact?

If a woman has an awful marriage, she has every right to get out of it. Her post-divorce freedom is likely to be much better than her pre-divorce life.

The OP needs to consider the fact that her DH would like have more women interested than he knows what to do with post-divorce, and a line of his own. As long as she understand how this fact would play into her considerations, she is informed enough to act.

To the posters with the lines and excess men, do you think that her DH (or XDH) would be sitting around pining for her instead of dating as much as he wants?

I do not agree at all that a man will have an easier time dating divorced with kids. Are you divorced with kids? If not, you don't know. This is not the old days. It has not been my experience than a man would have an easier time than a woman--at all. A man might have an easier time remarrying--maybe--but not dating. If I wanted to get married, I don't think I would have a problem remarrying. And I suspect I fare better than most divorced men with kids. Women do not necessarily want a mommy role to other's children .... I think more women in the past were like that. There are fewer of us now.

And regarding her DH--who cares if he would be dating as much as he wants? That is completely irrelevant. If she cares, she should not divorce. I do not care one bit who my exDH dates and had not for most of the marriage...hence a divorce. It is completely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

And regarding her DH--who cares if he would be dating as much as he wants? That is completely irrelevant. If she cares, she should not divorce. I do not care one bit who my exDH dates and had not for most of the marriage...hence a divorce. It is completely irrelevant.

You did not read (or cannot not understand) the original post. The OP want to discuss the subject of dating other men but did not want to upset her husband. So, she cares and should consider this before dating (or getting a divorce.)

I am a divorced dad with kids so I do know what I am talking about.

This is not the old days. It has not been my experience than a man would have an easier time than a woman--at all.

What old days are you referring to in this post? I am talking about 2020, not 1920. Facts are facts. Most women (in 2020) have primary custody and this fact alone makes it hard to date.

I don't think I would have a problem remarrying. And I suspect I fare better than most divorced men with kids.

Based on what facts? You can say whatever you want on this board because what you suspect about you cannot be fact checked. It is very unlikely you would fare better than a divorced man your same age and background. And before you tell us how beautiful you are and how men are falling all over all the time, note there a plenty of good looking men your age who have more days of the week to bang your much hotter friends.

Women do not necessarily want a mommy role to other's children .... I think more women in the past were like that. There are fewer of us now.

Again, fewer then when? No one (except you) isv talking about "mommy" roles. Why would you think this was important? Men do not need to date to find someone to raise their kids. We can do that ourselves (as just about every divorced dad can tell you).

[Anonymous]

I have been happily married for 20 years and have thought about dating other people off and on for the past 10 years.

[Anonymous]

we married young and my DW once told me: “I never had the chance to experiment or be promiscuous when I was young.” So, I told her to go try it - and she did.