I’m married but I want to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got married while in college having dated since HS and by the time we were 30 we both felt old in our relationship and wondered what we had missed out on. For awhile we opened our marriage and that included a wide variety of sexual openness but after about a year we realized that what we had as a couple was really better than what we experienced. I don’t regret what we did because it confirmed what we had.

NP and I could see that being pretty awesome. I think of my marriage as the steak but sometimes I think about ordering the chicken. You really don't miss the variety?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are evil

Not OP. Why would you even say that? How very unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

OP — I would take another view and look at yourself and if you are just thinking about what you might have done had you not had children so young. Maybe talk to a counselor about what you might like to be doing or wish you had done besides raising children. You are young enough that if you could define a career goal that you could start perhaps with a couple of courses to explore one or more areas of interest at the local community college. It could be that you just need to widen your circle and define a path for what you might like to do as the kids get into school. Just a thought to do a little self-exploration first before you blow up five peoples’ lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

You can get all those things with a platonic female friend.

Don't destroy your marriage and damage your kids childhood over a stupid "seven year itch."

No Op doesn't want a platonic female friend she wants to go screw around with other people and have some fun. The marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

Speak for yourself. This is not representative of "all men."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married while in college having dated since HS and by the time we were 30 we both felt old in our relationship and wondered what we had missed out on. For awhile we opened our marriage and that included a wide variety of sexual openness but after about a year we realized that what we had as a couple was really better than what we experienced. I don’t regret what we did because it confirmed what we had.

NP and I could see that being pretty awesome. I think of my marriage as the steak but sometimes I think about ordering the chicken. You really don't miss the variety?

I do miss the variety but there never was any intimacy which I realized was very important to me. Threesomes and group sex was quite an experience but just physical. It was 15 years ago and since then we’ve added a lot of variety and fun things to our sex life that has kept it very alive. If you think of your marriage as steak there are many many ways to prepare steak!

[Anonymous]

Tough shit.

Talk to your spouse about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

Speak with your husband about rekindling your relationship and you may find he has the same feelings as you. Ideally you makes things better on your own because adding other people into a relationship is very risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough shit.

Talk to your spouse about it.

+100

Why are you asking this here? Be honest with your spouse. Go talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

But women are not like that. When women want to explore options of other men, they are usually done with the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married while in college having dated since HS and by the time we were 30 we both felt old in our relationship and wondered what we had missed out on. For awhile we opened our marriage and that included a wide variety of sexual openness but after about a year we realized that what we had as a couple was really better than what we experienced. I don’t regret what we did because it confirmed what we had.

NP and I could see that being pretty awesome. I think of my marriage as the steak but sometimes I think about ordering the chicken. You really don't miss the variety?

I do miss the variety but there never was any intimacy which I realized was very important to me. Threesomes and group sex was quite an experience but just physical. It was 15 years ago and since then we’ve added a lot of variety and fun things to our sex life that has kept it very alive. If you think of your marriage as steak there are many many ways to prepare steak!

There’s a difference between dating other/multiple people (AKA polyamory) and swinging, which is just recreational sex. I’m not advocating that OP do either, but they aren’t the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

But women are not like that. When women want to explore options of other men, they are usually done with the marriage.

This may be true, but I think for OP this is really compounded by never having explored other options at all in life and marrying and having kids SO young. When you've played the field in your 20s you kind of know what's out there and are more ready to settle down into a serious relationship. When you just sort of...end up with a guy you met as a teenager and have kids starting as a teen you miss all of that and I can see how it would be appealing. But frankly, for OP that ship has sailed. The stakes are a lot higher with kids, she isn't going to be backpacking Europe or hooking up in Bali, she's going to be dating guys who are ok with dating a 28 year old with THREE kids. I think that pool is really limited and it would be better to work with a therapist to get over having missed out on having fun as a young person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

But women are not like that. When women want to explore options of other men, they are usually done with the marriage.

This may be true, but I think for OP this is really compounded by never having explored other options at all in life and marrying and having kids SO young. When you've played the field in your 20s you kind of know what's out there and are more ready to settle down into a serious relationship. When you just sort of...end up with a guy you met as a teenager and have kids starting as a teen you miss all of that and I can see how it would be appealing. But frankly, for OP that ship has sailed. The stakes are a lot higher with kids, she isn't going to be backpacking Europe or hooking up in Bali, she's going to be dating guys who are ok with dating a 28 year old with THREE kids. I think that pool is really limited and it would be better to work with a therapist to get over having missed out on having fun as a young person.

PP here. It does not seem to me she is missing the fun of a young person. It seems like she wants to be with someone else. Those are two very different things. If she is interested in other men, I do not think it is just "I missed my 20s." I missed my 20s, too. I was working. I married at almost 32. I never thought about other men until I was ready to divorce. Had nothing to do with the fact that I had no fun whatsoever in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting replies.

Man here, when men talk like this, if they do, the response from other men is "duh, who doesn't.". Meaning, all men want to have sex with other women but it doesn't mean he wants a divorce. This is totally normal.

And no amount of focusing on a job or therapy will make that change. Humans are wired for sexual variety. The only solution, if you call it that, is to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse. But even then, the urge to cheat will always be with you, it's just a question of how strong it is.

Speak for yourself. This is not representative of "all men."

95% of straight men. (It's probably 99% but I will grant you it could be lower).

Seriously though, it's near universal in men to want to sleep around, which is why men don't question their relationship merely because they want to have sex with other women. That urge never leaves them no matter how madly in love they are.