I’m married but I want to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And regarding her DH--who cares if he would be dating as much as he wants? That is completely irrelevant. If she cares, she should not divorce. I do not care one bit who my exDH dates and had not for most of the marriage...hence a divorce. It is completely irrelevant.

You did not read (or cannot not understand) the original post. The OP want to discuss the subject of dating other men but did not want to upset her husband. So, she cares and should consider this before dating (or getting a divorce.)

I am a divorced dad with kids so I do know what I am talking about.

This is not the old days. It has not been my experience than a man would have an easier time than a woman--at all.

What old days are you referring to in this post? I am talking about 2020, not 1920. Facts are facts. Most women (in 2020) have primary custody and this fact alone makes it hard to date.

I don't think I would have a problem remarrying. And I suspect I fare better than most divorced men with kids.

Based on what facts? You can say whatever you want on this board because what you suspect about you cannot be fact checked. It is very unlikely you would fare better than a divorced man your same age and background. And before you tell us how beautiful you are and how men are falling all over all the time, note there a plenty of good looking men your age who have more days of the week to bang your much hotter friends.

Women do not necessarily want a mommy role to other's children .... I think more women in the past were like that. There are fewer of us now.

Again, fewer then when? No one (except you) isv talking about "mommy" roles. Why would you think this was important? Men do not need to date to find someone to raise their kids. We can do that ourselves (as just about every divorced dad can tell you).

Most women do not have full custody. I do not know what planet you are living on. Every divorced person I know was 50/50 or close to that. Va courts prefer 50/50.

There is no need to insult me. This alone tells me I should stick to the never-married guys. Thanks for confirming that.

She would be an idiot to tell her husband she is interested in dating others. That is dumb. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or divorced. Married people do not date other people. Most men would not agree to an open marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we married young and my DW once told me: “I never had the chance to experiment or be promiscuous when I was young.” So, I told her to go try it - and she did.

And how did it work out? Do you do the same? Did she/you get is out of your system(s)?
Most men would not have told her to go ahead unless (possibly) he’s was interested in the same.

[Anonymous]

This alone tells me I should stick to the never-married guys. Thanks for confirming that.

You are welcome. BTW - I do not want you and is likely most other divorced guys would pass as well.

In every post so far you have focused on how many men are interested in you (e.g., they are lining up, you would fare better than most divorced men, etc.) Self-centeredness is very unattractive, for both men and women.

She would be an idiot to tell her husband she is interested in dating others. That is dumb. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or divorced.

The OP asked specifically about discussing dating other men with her husband. If she is seriously considering do so, she should talk to her DH so that he can consider his role in their marriage.

It would be detestable for her to makes plans to date (or to divorce) without giving him the basic kindness of honesty, and hiding her plans from him sends a message to her children that is okay to hide important feelings from someone you claim to love.

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming you want to be married or else this would be a no-brainer of telling your husband you want a divorce. You need to think about your priorities. Is the desire to date more important to you than your marriage and being able to see your children every day? Also know that if you choose to divorce it will cause your children pain.

I would suggest going to therapy on your own before talking to your husband. Sort out your feelings and see what you really want after weighing the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This alone tells me I should stick to the never-married guys. Thanks for confirming that.

You are welcome. BTW - I do not want you and is likely most other divorced guys would pass as well.

In every post so far you have focused on how many men are interested in you (e.g., they are lining up, you would fare better than most divorced men, etc.) Self-centeredness is very unattractive, for both men and women.

She would be an idiot to tell her husband she is interested in dating others. That is dumb. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or divorced.

The OP asked specifically about discussing dating other men with her husband. If she is seriously considering do so, she should talk to her DH so that he can consider his role in their marriage.

It would be detestable for her to makes plans to date (or to divorce) without giving him the basic kindness of honesty, and hiding her plans from him sends a message to her children that is okay to hide important feelings from someone you claim to love.

I was not being self-centered. I am stating facts. I only said that because someone said she would not be popular on a dating app at 28 with kids. They are dead wrong. If I do not have issues, neither would she. It is not 1959. I literally have more options than I did without kids in my 20s. A lot of this is dating apps are easy. Some of it is being attractive. I just can't stand when people assume women are "old" or not desirable in their late 20s and early 30s. That was the insinuation here. That is why I spoke up. I am sick of people acting this way about women. That attitude is how I got into a bad marriage to begin with and kept me there way too long. Women should not stay only because they are afraid no one would date them.

And frankly, if they want to date other people, they should not stay married. I do not think there should be any conversation with her husband--she should make a decision. She either wants to be married or wants to date. If she wants to date, then she should divorce. Having such a conversation is just a path toward destroying the marriage. She needs to make a decision first. No man wants to hear this from his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming you want to be married or else this would be a no-brainer of telling your husband you want a divorce. You need to think about your priorities. Is the desire to date more important to you than your marriage and being able to see your children every day? Also know that if you choose to divorce it will cause your children pain.

I would suggest going to therapy on your own before talking to your husband. Sort out your feelings and see what you really want after weighing the consequences.

+100

[Anonymous]

Yes, we get it. You’re not attracted to your husband anymore and you want to get piped down by a hot guy. Sorry for your loss.

News flash, hot guys have options and you’ll just be another desperate aging thot they filled and bounced out on while they go home to their younger, hotter main piece.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the cavemen have arrived.

Newsflash: women are not pieces of meat for you to “fill.”

Good god, I hope you are not raising sons!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the cavemen have arrived.

Newsflash: women are not pieces of meat for you to “fill.”

Good god, I hope you are not raising sons!

You're upset at PP's post, yet you fail to demonstrate how it is incorrect. Did it strike a bit too close to home for you?

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read the whole thread but could you get the rush of “new” elsewhere? I met my husband young (we waited awhile before we dated). I like going out and meeting new people. He does not. So I’ve started saying to other moms (school, the park, wherever) “I have a small group that gets together now and then for a glass of wine. Let me know if you’d like to exchange numbers and I’ll let you know the next time we head out.” Women are often excited to make “mom friends” and are often shy about putting themselves out there. The group I have now varies when we go out from 1:1 outings to as many as 12 of us. People move or are busy so there are usually some “regulars” and some “newbies”. I find I get a lot of the feeling of “I want to do something new and meet new people” just by hanging out with these other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This alone tells me I should stick to the never-married guys. Thanks for confirming that.

You are welcome. BTW - I do not want you and is likely most other divorced guys would pass as well.

In every post so far you have focused on how many men are interested in you (e.g., they are lining up, you would fare better than most divorced men, etc.) Self-centeredness is very unattractive, for both men and women.

She would be an idiot to tell her husband she is interested in dating others. That is dumb. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or divorced.

The OP asked specifically about discussing dating other men with her husband. If she is seriously considering do so, she should talk to her DH so that he can consider his role in their marriage.

It would be detestable for her to makes plans to date (or to divorce) without giving him the basic kindness of honesty, and hiding her plans from him sends a message to her children that is okay to hide important feelings from someone you claim to love.

It is easier now because dating apps weren't prevalent when you were in your 20s. And most 40 yr old men have kids, so won't be scared off. But a man in his 20s is likely not going to be interested in an acme-instant family 3 three young kids if they want their own kids, especially a lot of them. I am part of a FB group for young widows and I see this all the time--the 20-somethings with kids are having a lot of trouble finding matches. I don't know why you can't understand that your situation is an apple and hers is an orange...



I was not being self-centered. I am stating facts. I only said that because someone said she would not be popular on a dating app at 28 with kids. They are dead wrong. If I do not have issues, neither would she. It is not 1959. I literally have more options than I did without kids in my 20s. A lot of this is dating apps are easy. Some of it is being attractive. I just can't stand when people assume women are "old" or not desirable in their late 20s and early 30s. That was the insinuation here. That is why I spoke up. I am sick of people acting this way about women. That attitude is how I got into a bad marriage to begin with and kept me there way too long. Women should not stay only because they are afraid no one would date them.

And frankly, if they want to date other people, they should not stay married. I do not think there should be any conversation with her husband--she should make a decision. She either wants to be married or wants to date. If she wants to date, then she should divorce. Having such a conversation is just a path toward destroying the marriage. She needs to make a decision first. No man wants to hear this from his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This alone tells me I should stick to the never-married guys. Thanks for confirming that.

You are welcome. BTW - I do not want you and is likely most other divorced guys would pass as well.

In every post so far you have focused on how many men are interested in you (e.g., they are lining up, you would fare better than most divorced men, etc.) Self-centeredness is very unattractive, for both men and women.

She would be an idiot to tell her husband she is interested in dating others. That is dumb. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or divorced.

The OP asked specifically about discussing dating other men with her husband. If she is seriously considering do so, she should talk to her DH so that he can consider his role in their marriage.

It would be detestable for her to makes plans to date (or to divorce) without giving him the basic kindness of honesty, and hiding her plans from him sends a message to her children that is okay to hide important feelings from someone you claim to love.

I was not being self-centered. I am stating facts. I only said that because someone said she would not be popular on a dating app at 28 with kids. They are dead wrong. If I do not have issues, neither would she. It is not 1959. I literally have more options than I did without kids in my 20s. A lot of this is dating apps are easy. Some of it is being attractive. I just can't stand when people assume women are "old" or not desirable in their late 20s and early 30s. That was the insinuation here. That is why I spoke up. I am sick of people acting this way about women. That attitude is how I got into a bad marriage to begin with and kept me there way too long. Women should not stay only because they are afraid no one would date them.

And frankly, if they want to date other people, they should not stay married. I do not think there should be any conversation with her husband--she should make a decision. She either wants to be married or wants to date. If she wants to date, then she should divorce. Having such a conversation is just a path toward destroying the marriage. She needs to make a decision first. No man wants to hear this from his wife.

It is easier now because dating apps weren't prevalent when you were in your 20s. And most 40 yr old men have kids, so won't be scared off. But a man in his 20s is likely not going to be interested in an acme-instant family 3 three young kids if they want their own kids, especially a lot of them. I am part of a FB group for young widows and I see this all the time--the 20-somethings with kids are having a lot of trouble finding matches. I don't know why you can't understand that your situation is an apple and hers is an orange...

[Anonymous]

^kids have always been a deal breaker. Less so in older age groups because the majority have them.

But, yeah, with 20-30 something men without kids. Kids are a complete deal breaker.

OP- you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

You need to be having healthy communication and discussions with your husband about your feelings. You can brainstorm ways to feel fulfilled. You definitely need therapy.

Lying and going behind a partner's back is instant death to a marriage. LYING AND BETRAYING is NEVER the answer. Only people with very low morals and/or mental illness choose that route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread but could you get the rush of “new” elsewhere? I met my husband young (we waited awhile before we dated). I like going out and meeting new people. He does not. So I’ve started saying to other moms (school, the park, wherever) “I have a small group that gets together now and then for a glass of wine. Let me know if you’d like to exchange numbers and I’ll let you know the next time we head out.” Women are often excited to make “mom friends” and are often shy about putting themselves out there. The group I have now varies when we go out from 1:1 outings to as many as 12 of us. People move or are busy so there are usually some “regulars” and some “newbies”. I find I get a lot of the feeling of “I want to do something new and meet new people” just by hanging out with these other women.

Mom friends? God that sounds dreadful.

OP wants to date and have sex. Not boring suburban professional moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread but could you get the rush of “new” elsewhere? I met my husband young (we waited awhile before we dated). I like going out and meeting new people. He does not. So I’ve started saying to other moms (school, the park, wherever) “I have a small group that gets together now and then for a glass of wine. Let me know if you’d like to exchange numbers and I’ll let you know the next time we head out.” Women are often excited to make “mom friends” and are often shy about putting themselves out there. The group I have now varies when we go out from 1:1 outings to as many as 12 of us. People move or are busy so there are usually some “regulars” and some “newbies”. I find I get a lot of the feeling of “I want to do something new and meet new people” just by hanging out with these other women.

Mom friends? God that sounds dreadful.

OP wants to date and have sex. Not boring suburban professional moms.

Then OP needs to get a divorce. Dating and sex outside the marriage are not for the majority. Stats on open marriages lasting ain't good.