I’m married but I want to date

[Anonymous]

So I'll be the devil on your other shoulder. I'm male and I have male friends who date married women. It's usually for the reasons you stated. Sometimes the husbands know, sometimes they don't.

He finds them on a sugarbaby website.

[Anonymous]

It's unclear what you want. Are you saying you want to open your marriage or you want a divorce? Swinging and casual sex are not the same things as dating. They are actually much less threatening to marriages because they're physical and not emotional (unless they get emotional). It sounds like you want to experience new relationship energy...that exciting feeling you get when you're first falling in love with someone.

As someone who has gone down this road, I can tell you that it is challenging and often you don't know what you're getting into until you're in it. 28 is quite young. I also met my husband very young but we didn't explore this until middle age, and it was a mutual interest. Personally, if you are relatively happy in your marriage, I would just try to work on the marriage and find some ways to bring some novelty in it without involving other people. It is exciting to start new relationships, but then hard to maintain the old ones....especially if you are already feeling like some things are missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

You can get all those things with a platonic female friend.

Don't destroy your marriage and damage your kids childhood over a stupid "seven year itch."

Come on. It’s more like a 10 year itch... She basically married him because she got pregnant. She’s been trapped since.

PP here. That is what I think. And if you are saying this at 28, I don't see the marriage working out. Honestly. If she wants to date, she does not want to be married.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're sad about skipping your 20's more than anything. But it's very hard to do your 20's the way you imagine with 3 kids and maybe a divorce.

I think start by talking to a therapist about it.

[Anonymous]

You got married & had children young OP, and now that you are approaching the big 3-0, you may be worrying that your youth is slowly slipping away....

Along w/it, missed opportunities.

This is a normal feeling to have during milestone birthdays.

I think you should first talk to a professional counselor + see what they advise you doing.
One that can provide an objective perspective to what I believe is a problem more common than we think.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Many married people, especially men, crave other partners.

Perhaps talk to your DH about it, he wants to sleep with others too for sure, but as others said, you are opening up a can of worms and it may not end well.

Monogamy isn't something people do because its great, its the least worst option for keeping a family together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Many married people, especially men, crave other partners.

Perhaps talk to your DH about it, he wants to sleep with others too for sure, but as others said, you are opening up a can of worms and it may not end well.

Monogamy isn't something people do because its great, its the least worst option for keeping a family together.

NP and this kinda makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got married & had children young OP, and now that you are approaching the big 3-0, you may be worrying that your youth is slowly slipping away....

Along w/it, missed opportunities.

This is a normal feeling to have during milestone birthdays.

I think you should first talk to a professional counselor + see what they advise you doing.
One that can provide an objective perspective to what I believe is a problem more common than we think.

Good luck!

+1

You aren’t going to get what you are looking for. You will never be a carefree 20 something or 30 something - that ship has already sailed. Make what you have work. No one is going to come and sweep you off your feet - that isn’t your life, and you need to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why people shouldn’t get married and have kids at 18. Grow up OP.

I agree. Grow up. You've made your bed, now lie in it.

+1. The first baby was an accident. What were the next 2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Many married people, especially men, crave other partners.

Perhaps talk to your DH about it, he wants to sleep with others too for sure, but as others said, you are opening up a can of worms and it may not end well.

Monogamy isn't something people do because its great, its the least worst option for keeping a family together.

NP and this kinda makes me sad.

Used to make me sad too, till you have been married a while, start talking to close friends and pretty much all of them would love the chance to have passion and great sex again. Yes, of course some small number of married couples keep the sheets hot for years but most settle into a routine and almost no one would say they would pass up a romp with a hot stranger if it were allowed. It just is human nature.

[Anonymous]

Do you wanna date or just F?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

Here is your solutions-oriented answer. Choose your own adventure:


Door #1: Become a hotwife and make him a cuck.

Door #2: Cheat.

Door #3: DADT open marriage.

Door #4: Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got married & had children young OP, and now that you are approaching the big 3-0, you may be worrying that your youth is slowly slipping away....

Along w/it, missed opportunities.

This is a normal feeling to have during milestone birthdays.

I think you should first talk to a professional counselor + see what they advise you doing.
One that can provide an objective perspective to what I believe is a problem more common than we think.

Good luck!

+1

You aren’t going to get what you are looking for. You will never be a carefree 20 something or 30 something - that ship has already sailed. Make what you have work. No one is going to come and sweep you off your feet - that isn’t your life, and you need to deal with that.

+2. OP, what you are mourning is a phase and time of life that is now behind you. Dating as a 30 year old mom isn't going to be like that of a single unattached 21 year old just starting out in life without a care in the world. It's just not the same when you (and the person you'd be dating) are older and have responsibilities.

I recommend individual counseling and an increased effort to reconnect with your husband, who sounds like a perfectly good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Many married people, especially men, crave other partners.

Perhaps talk to your DH about it, he wants to sleep with others too for sure, but as others said, you are opening up a can of worms and it may not end well.

Monogamy isn't something people do because its great, its the least worst option for keeping a family together.

NP and this kinda makes me sad.

Used to make me sad too, till you have been married a while, start talking to close friends and pretty much all of them would love the chance to have passion and great sex again. Yes, of course some small number of married couples keep the sheets hot for years but most settle into a routine and almost no one would say they would pass up a romp with a hot stranger if it were allowed. It just is human nature.

Sounds like what OP wants is not so much the sex but rather the young romance/passion... the newness and excitement of meeting someone, establishing that there's a mutual interest, and engaging in courtship. As a 30 year old parent, it's not going to meet her expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why people shouldn’t get married and have kids at 18. Grow up OP.

I agree. Grow up. You've made your bed, now lie in it.

+1. The first baby was an accident. What were the next 2?

This is probably the dumbest saying ever.
People change, circumstances change. Sometimes they really do need new beds.