I’m married but I want to date

[Anonymous]

I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

They are normal. But remember the grass is not always greener. But, my husband and I have had some fun with mild swinging/three ways that allow us to stay together and also experience some of those fun feelings you describe. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Do you love him?

But I disagree with the poster above. At 28, the grass can be greener.

I am early 40s and divorced. The grass is way greener.

[Anonymous]

This is why people shouldn’t get married and have kids at 18. Grow up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people shouldn’t get married and have kids at 18. Grow up OP.

I agree. Grow up. You've made your bed, now lie in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you love him?

But I disagree with the poster above. At 28, the grass can be greener.

I am early 40s and divorced. The grass is way greener.

It sounds like she has elementary age kids. If she divorced she essentially has time to start a whole new life with someone else. The question is: Dies she want to? It’s hard to tell from the post if she’s just “bored” or settled because of the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

For me this is actually a clear cut issue. No gray area.

Married: do not date other people

Single/Divorced: date away

If you want to date, you need to divorce. Maybe your spouse feels differently. You sound pretty selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

You can get all those things with a platonic female friend.

Don't destroy your marriage and damage your kids childhood over a stupid "seven year itch."

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, you want to blow up your marriage over some fake tv/movie script?

Take your husband and yourself to a sex therapist. That should
spice things up.

Life is not a tv show ans life is not a movie. Believe me the grass is not greener.

Go to couples therapy or go to a couples therapy sex therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

You can get all those things with a platonic female friend.

Don't destroy your marriage and damage your kids childhood over a stupid "seven year itch."

Come on. It’s more like a 10 year itch... She basically married him because she got pregnant. She’s been trapped since.

[Anonymous]

Can you connect again with your DH? I wonder if the "36 Questions That Lead to Love" would be a good thing to try:

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/36-questions-that-lead-to-love.html

[Anonymous]

Get a weekend babysitter to watch the kids and go away with your husband only.

Also, get a babysitter once a week. Even during times of Covid. If you and your husband only take a walk sans kids and hold hands and talk do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 28 and have been with my DH since 18. We ended up having our first child when I was 19, stayed together, and got married a few years later. Fast forward to today, we have three kids and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn’t completely terrible, but we do lack in some key areas. I go through time periods when I want to date other people, and I’m ashamed to say that. When we watch shows like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, I get sad/envious because I want to be able to experience those things. I think I’m seeking the intimate conversations, getting to know someone, knowing someone is genuinely interested in me, experiencing new things, etc. I want to talk to my DH about it but don’t want him to be upset. How do I deal with these feelings and emotions?

You can get all those things with a platonic female friend.

Don't destroy your marriage and damage your kids childhood over a stupid "seven year itch."

A unicorn.

[Anonymous]

How is your social life? I wonder if some of these issues would be resolved if you went out more with friends.

I hear you on marriage getting routine/boring. Not sure what the answer is to that. I think a significant contributor to this is that if you're working a large portion of your day is tied up with work and then kids and other household obligations consume most of the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't that be fun? But you do need to talk with your DH first. Carefully. This could blow up in your face.