Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should write a recommendation if asked.

Ok. But then some of them will be bad.
It is always better to refuse to write a letter of recommendation than write a negative one.

[Anonymous]

I told a student "no" this year. I teach middle school and the student was applying for an athletic scholarship at a private. He literally did no work. I bent so far backwards to try to help him and he did not care. I was in constant communication with his mother. She didn't seem to care. That is why I was surprised that she reached out to me.

No teacher would write him a letter. But guess what, he got in with failing grades and no letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

My kid is like yours. She saw her rec letters (she didn’t ask for them, they just gave her them) and they were glowing. The teachers probably lied a little.

I'm a professor and I think this parent is totally overthinking the rec process. I've written many letters for A but not "standout" A students. Honestly, the world needs precisely this type of student who may not be a prodigy but works hard, is organized and makes the best of what they have, if that's what the situation is. These students have lots to recommend them. There are other letters to write besides "H wrote his own novel for extra credit in my class and found a new proof for Fermat's last theorem during the final." Teamwork, on time, being a good citizen, good attendance, improvement and the occasional interesting comment in an essay or test answer are plenty. I have plenty of nice things to say about B students in my class, too.

I agree with the idea that if you can't write, a good comment is "I'm sorry, I won't be able to best share your strengths with XXX program/school/etc."
What I don't write for -- anyone who cheated, students who fail to turn in work or show up without explanation, who are unreliable or disrespectful or students who start getting worse through the term *AND* where there is no indication or communication of what is going on. . i can also be super sympathetic. If I know there is trouble at home, or you have been ill, I'll also help you out most likely. Note this does also not include B or C students (I will be honest, but will write that you tried hard and came for help etc if those are true), although I did try my best to decline writing a rec for a C student to Harvard (I've received multiple such requests, with no "hook". Anyhow).

OP, as far as letters ask your colleagues to each share a couple of letters (names can be redacted), then develop a template. As a reader said, create a simple questionnaire, so you have material and make the student have "skin in the game." with a couple things like "What is the thing you are most proud of in the course", "what things would you write in my letter for you" , "things I might not know about that might be helpful to discuss" and also about what they are applying for and why (they can just share apps). On your syllabus (or anytime) create a list of expectations about timing (how far in advance do they need to request and provide you all relevant materials, what they need to provide (eg all contact info for uploading at the time of the request). This will also provide another means to turn students down -- if they can't be bothered to respect your structure.

Then make a template of your own letter -- first paragraph is a summary, 1-2 paragraphs of specific details (culled from all this source) and then a couple of overall summary ideas at the end. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I realize this post is addressed to teachers but parents are 👀. You should advise your kids how to go about approaching a rec and then requesting the letter. Best advice I gave mine was to email many teachers early before they're slammed at the start of the next school year. He emailed 5 in February of Junior year before winter break.

One teacher was an alumn at a university that was one of his top 3. It was an AP class and he had ~ 88 avg at the time. That teacher replied immediately with something like oh hey bro, you're gonna love it there. Yes I got you. This teacher needed quite a few polite reminders! My kid felt like it was a bother to remind him, but I told him it shows tenacity.

Since all the other LOCs were uploaded, he met with the alumn teacher in Sept and asked if he could tailor the letter specifically for that one University. He did! He was last teacher to upload letter to Naviance. DS just finished his 1st year at that University. So I guess my point is to coach your kids how to request, follow up, and show gratitude. Letters don't have to be from teachers in classes with perfect grades. They need to think about the relationship. Letters should correlate to intended majors, if possible. Students should know their teachers. Mine didn't request from teachers he felt indifference for despite good GPA in their classes. Teachers also have favorites (it's a fact). Students are competing with their peers for letters and also applying to same schools. Keep that in mind. Many colleges allow and additional letter from other authorities such as internships, community service, or employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this post is addressed to teachers but parents are 👀. You should advise your kids how to go about approaching a rec and then requesting the letter. Best advice I gave mine was to email many teachers early before they're slammed at the start of the next school year. He emailed 5 in February of Junior year before winter break.

One teacher was an alumn at a university that was one of his top 3. It was an AP class and he had ~ 88 avg at the time. That teacher replied immediately with something like oh hey bro, you're gonna love it there. Yes I got you. This teacher needed quite a few polite reminders! My kid felt like it was a bother to remind him, but I told him it shows tenacity.

Since all the other LOCs were uploaded, he met with the alumn teacher in Sept and asked if he could tailor the letter specifically for that one University. He did! He was last teacher to upload letter to Naviance. DS just finished his 1st year at that University. So I guess my point is to coach your kids how to request, follow up, and show gratitude. Letters don't have to be from teachers in classes with perfect grades. They need to think about the relationship. Letters should correlate to intended majors, if possible. Students should know their teachers. Mine didn't request from teachers he felt indifference for despite good GPA in their classes. Teachers also have favorites (it's a fact). Students are competing with their peers for letters and also applying to same schools. Keep that in mind. Many colleges allow and additional letter from other authorities such as internships, community service, or employers.

I’m a teacher and I would be annoyed if a kid asked me for a recommendation in Feb for the following year. I would know immediately that the parent is behind the request. Asking in may or June is reasonable. Asking several months before the class is over is weird. Why would I commit to writing the letter before I know how the kid handles the next several months?

[Anonymous]

I tell my students I only write 20 recommendations letters a year and that I hit my limit already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

Tell me more about how I can better serve you. How about you teach your child to have strong work ethics and treat people with respect? I’m not writing you child a recommendation just because you demand it. They have to earn it. That’s the whole point!

You all are missing the point. The kids who you think have earned your recommendation, most probably already have involved parents who teach their kids strong work ethics and how to treat people with respect. The students who do not earn your recommendations come from families mostly where parents are not involved. In such a case having a cheat sheet and showing some cause and effect (good behavior and good grades = good recommendation) will go a long way in turning around some students.

This is a country where a stupid president asks people to drink bleach. Students may come from a stock similar to that of the POTUS. Teach them please because no one else seems to be teaching them.

https://www.statesman.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/07/13/fact-check-did-trump-tell-people-to-drink-bleach-to-kill-coronavirus/113754708/

I really don't understand why people have to bring every topic back to an insult of Trump. Stay on topic please...

[Anonymous]

I’m a drama teacher. I’ve had students who did a small part in one play back in freshman year decide at the last minute that they want to do theater in college and try to get me to write them a recommendation October of senior year. And they haven’t taken my elective course and when I say no I can’t write a recommendation and I’d rather not meet with them during my free periods to help them prepare monologues for college auditions, their rich parents will pitch a fit to administration and I’ll get strong armed into both helping with the audition prep and writing the letter. This sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP posted two years ago but I’m going to reply if it can help anyone since I’ve been asked to write a lot of these. I frequently say yes, feeling like if they ask me I’m one of their best options. I won’t lie but I won’t put in anything negative. I can find something positive to say.

I’ve said no when I don’t actually teach the student. I’ve had students email who I only had freshman year in a club and they moved two years ago. I need to have taught them in an academic subject.

I’ve asked them to really think about if they want me to write it if I was their teacher in 9th or 10th grade. I tell them it’s better to have a more recent teacher if the recommendation is for college.

I have never been asked to write more than 15 college recommendations in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told a student "no" this year. I teach middle school and the student was applying for an athletic scholarship at a private. He literally did no work. I bent so far backwards to try to help him and he did not care. I was in constant communication with his mother. She didn't seem to care. That is why I was surprised that she reached out to me.

No teacher would write him a letter. But guess what, he got in with failing grades and no letter.

I’m the poster above. They may have needed the specific content area. I’ve been contacted by students and they have been honest and said something to the effect “I know I haven’t been a great in your class but I’m applying to this program and need a statement from my science/English/math teacher.” Once or twice I offered to write up a generic course description of the content of the class and submit that when the kid really did nothing and knew it. They were always appreciative but I teach older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is ridiculous!

NP. No, it’s not ridiculous. It sets expectations and ensures everyone is on the same page. Every manager in my company has to do this for their employees because it sets the business up for success. I recognize students aren’t employees, but setting clear expectations and periodically checking to see if they are achieving the goals you outlined is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should basically always agree to write the letter. Even the weakest students need a recommendation for college, and it is your duty as their teacher to write to the strengths they do have.

Also, it is really helpful to ask students to answer a couple questions, like what they are most proud of in your course. You might ask them to email you their answers so they have some time to reflect.

WRONG. No self-respecting teacher would do such a thing. It erodes the teacher's credibility as well as the school's. What a way to undermine one's own professionalism.
All colleges know a lukewarm recommendation when it comes across their desk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize this post is addressed to teachers but parents are 👀. You should advise your kids how to go about approaching a rec and then requesting the letter. Best advice I gave mine was to email many teachers early before they're slammed at the start of the next school year. He emailed 5 in February of Junior year before winter break.

One teacher was an alumn at a university that was one of his top 3. It was an AP class and he had ~ 88 avg at the time. That teacher replied immediately with something like oh hey bro, you're gonna love it there. Yes I got you. This teacher needed quite a few polite reminders! My kid felt like it was a bother to remind him, but I told him it shows tenacity.

Since all the other LOCs were uploaded, he met with the alumn teacher in Sept and asked if he could tailor the letter specifically for that one University. He did! He was last teacher to upload letter to Naviance. DS just finished his 1st year at that University. So I guess my point is to coach your kids how to request, follow up, and show gratitude. Letters don't have to be from teachers in classes with perfect grades. They need to think about the relationship. Letters should correlate to intended majors, if possible. Students should know their teachers. Mine didn't request from teachers he felt indifference for despite good GPA in their classes. Teachers also have favorites (it's a fact). Students are competing with their peers for letters and also applying to same schools. Keep that in mind. Many colleges allow and additional letter from other authorities such as internships, community service, or employers.

I’m a teacher and I would be annoyed if a kid asked me for a recommendation in Feb for the following year. I would know immediately that the parent is behind the request. Asking in may or June is reasonable. Asking several months before the class is over is weird. Why would I commit to writing the letter before I know how the kid handles the next several months?

At our MCPS hs, kids switch teachers mid year so wouldn’t February be the best time if you’re requesting from a fall semester teacher? Not a rhetorical question- interested in feedback either way.

Also, do teachers prefer to be asked in person or by email?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

If the student is not academically stellar but is a kind person who tried his/her hardest, I will write a positive letter focusing on his/her good qualities, and I will give specific examples to show that I know the student well and put time and care into the letter. I have had several boarding schools to whom I wrote letters of rec tell me that the letter I wrote was one of the best they’ve seen, and those letters by no means indicated that the child was an academic superstar.

But if the student was average or below average, didn’t try, and/or had a poor attitude, I will tell him or her that if they want me to write it, I will say XYZ. Then I ask if he/she really wants me to write that letter. They rarely do.

If a student is academically strong and his/her parents have ever been disrespectful to me or tried to go over my head in any way, I will not write the letter and nothing will change that. I don’t tell the student why in this case, I just say that I think another teacher might do a better job and I cannot write the letter.

I will not write letters of rec for any student I have witnessed bullying a classmate. No exceptions here. I have told kids that I can’t write a letter of rec for them because the quality that stands out most in them to me is that they are mean to others. One such student pleaded, “Yeah, but you’re a teacher and you are just supposed to focus on my grades.” I told him
I would be happy to write a letter affirming that he is one of the most academically gifted students I have ever known, and that he routinely mocked a wheelchair bound classmate and expressed misogynistic and racist views in class. He said he still wanted the letter of rec from me, so I wrote it and said all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the student is not academically stellar but is a kind person who tried his/her hardest, I will write a positive letter focusing on his/her good qualities, and I will give specific examples to show that I know the student well and put time and care into the letter. I have had several boarding schools to whom I wrote letters of rec tell me that the letter I wrote was one of the best they’ve seen, and those letters by no means indicated that the child was an academic superstar.

But if the student was average or below average, didn’t try, and/or had a poor attitude, I will tell him or her that if they want me to write it, I will say XYZ. Then I ask if he/she really wants me to write that letter. They rarely do.

If a student is academically strong and his/her parents have ever been disrespectful to me or tried to go over my head in any way, I will not write the letter and nothing will change that. I don’t tell the student why in this case, I just say that I think another teacher might do a better job and I cannot write the letter.

I will not write letters of rec for any student I have witnessed bullying a classmate. No exceptions here. I have told kids that I can’t write a letter of rec for them because the quality that stands out most in them to me is that they are mean to others. One such student pleaded, “Yeah, but you’re a teacher and you are just supposed to focus on my grades.” I told him
I would be happy to write a letter affirming that he is one of the most academically gifted students I have ever known, and that he routinely mocked a wheelchair bound classmate and expressed misogynistic and racist views in class. He said he still wanted the letter of rec from me, so I wrote it and said all of this.

And now we know why there is that one red x on the upper right of Scattergrams. Student sounds horrid.