Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and I would be annoyed if a kid asked me for a recommendation in Feb for the following year. I would know immediately that the parent is behind the request. Asking in may or June is reasonable. Asking several months before the class is over is weird. Why would I commit to writing the letter before I know how the kid handles the next several months?

Well then you can be annoyed and ignore the request. Who cares if you think a parent was behind the request. School counselors start coaching students at the start of junior year. They're given a checklist and timeline. They draft a resume and a brag sheet for LOC's. Either way, an adult keeps students on task. It worked for my son. He requested LOCs from 5 teachers before a break and before they were overloaded with requests. Some uploaded letters right after the break, others later. But they all submitted in time. So many students did their due diligence and were ready to submit apps, but panicked since some teachers didn't upload letters. Colleges often give applicants an extension for LOCs because they know teachers are late to submit. Many apply very early to rolling admissions schools and EA/ED. If a teacher commits to letters, they should submit them on time. Students must let them know the deadline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have taught for over a decade and never had a student ask me who I really couldn’t say anything nice about. I tend to connect with my students even when they are not top academic performers so I have written my share of letters for C students. But often those students have some of the most engaging and remarkable non-academic traits and are actually very bright. The hardest to write for me are students who were really middle of the road and didn’t share much if their personality with me but even then I can think of at least one specific positive trait to emphasize. But honestly, if you have a student who does poorly in your class and also didn’t connect with their personality they are almost certainly not going to ask for a letter from you, so don’t worry about it too much.

Yes, I thought teachers understood this was their role with letters of recommendation. It's very disturbing how many teachers here are trying to limit teenager access to higher education as if these kids personality and values are set in stone. I agree with the pp that LORs seem to be class or race gate keeping.

This is a ridiculous assessment. Who has mentioned anything about race or class? If you are a high school teacher you might have 150 students. It is a ridiculous request to think someone will write 50 recommendations that are meaningful or specific. If you want me to send a form letter sure. I don’t think that helps anyone get in to college. And to the humble brag teacher about connecting will all students- I connect with a lot. I’m not arrogant enough to think I connect with 150 individual, unique kids each year. But you are clearly a unicorn with lots of free time to write 50 personalized letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

Find something to say . The hell these kids have been through. As welll as teachers. Look out for each other. Unless the kid is a legal liability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

Find something to say . The hell these kids have been through. As welll as teachers. Look out for each other. Unless the kid is a legal liability.

Teacher here. Nowhere in my contract does it say that I must write recommendations. It is absolutely not part of my job.

Yet I write dozens per year to support my students.

I just resent some of the opinions on this thread that we owe it to the students to write them a rec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

Find something to say . The hell these kids have been through. As welll as teachers. Look out for each other. Unless the kid is a legal liability.

Teacher here. Nowhere in my contract does it say that I must write recommendations. It is absolutely not part of my job.

Yet I write dozens per year to support my students.

I just resent some of the opinions on this thread that we owe it to the students to write them a rec.

+100

It is one of the few things teachers can say no to if they don’t have the time or enough to write about a student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

Find something to say . The hell these kids have been through. As welll as teachers. Look out for each other. Unless the kid is a legal liability.

Oh, the melodrama, of it all.

Your kid is not entitled to a letter. Working hard, coming for extra help if needed, turning everything in on time and participating in class will help increase their chances.

[Anonymous]

One strategy is to ask the student for a resume, and a bullet pointed list of what they's like you to highlight in the letter.

They may see you as the person who thinks they are funny, talented, smart, punctual, etc., because other people don't like them.

You could also say, "I need you to know that my style is to be very honest and include the things you need to work on, like attendance, so maybe there is someone who knows you better that would write a stronger one,".

You can also say, "I am so sorry. Several people have already asked me and I limit myself to a certain number a year/only students in my homeroom/only students in the ____ club," but then you have to make sure the next kid that asks gets the same response.

BTW, there is a great Sopranos episode about this topic.