Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

It's tough, but usually students know better to ask for a recommendation if they know you're not in a position to give them one. An undergrad who'd melted down during class asked me for a letter of recommendation. My guess is that as badly as she behaved in my class, she'd done worse in other classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should write a recommendation if asked.

No. Especially if you have 125 juniors and 50 of them ask you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a HS teacher who doesn't teach a core subject. My subject is one where kids who struggle in other subjects sometimes do really well. So, it can be a place for a kid to shine. My subject is also one where I get to know the kids better than their English or Math teacher might. Generally kids come to me to write letters of recommendation for one of three reasons.

1) They know me and we interact well, and they're too shy to ask other teachers.

2) They're hoping to pursue a career in the field.

3) I'm the only class they're doing well in.

I've never told a kid no, that I won't write a letter, but when a kid comes to me I ask them what they want to study, and why they picked me. I then give them feedback, basically saying "Here's what I'd be able to say about you." and sometimes "Here's what I can't say about you". Usually the latter isn't negative feedback, it's more like "I'd be delighted to write for you, if you're interested in a career in journalism, you might want a teacher who can talk about your writing ability. Since we don't write much in this class, I wonder if you'd be better served by a letter from an English teacher. Why don't you think about it, and come back to me. I won't be hurt if you change your mind."

I then ask kids to write me an email detailing things about them that I might want to include, but might not know. So, for example, I might not know that a kid volunteers in a related field, or that she keeps her grades up despite playing 3 varsity sports, or that her summer job was related.

The other thing that I will do is that if I know that a kid struggles outside my class, I might approach them and tell them "I know that at this time of the year, kids are often wondering who to ask to write their letter recommendations. I feel like I have a lot of things I could say about you such as . . . If you think a letter like that, for college or for a job, would be helpful, just let me know!"

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tough, but usually students know better to ask for a recommendation if they know you're not in a position to give them one. An undergrad who'd melted down during class asked me for a letter of recommendation. My guess is that as badly as she behaved in my class, she'd done worse in other classes.

You are nasty. Maybe the student was sad for some reason. That isn’t bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should write a recommendation if asked.

No. Especially if you have 125 juniors and 50 of them ask you.

You will have 2-6 months to write them.

[Anonymous]

If the student has a 4.0 and causes no problems and is a bit timid when it comes to asking for something like a recommendation letter (as an adult I still feel so awkward doing this, but many teaching jobs require them).... I would write them a letter! Find a template online or something. Maybe it won’t be super glowing if they don’t stand out to you, but this kid needs a letter from someone. Not every kid is super extroverted and all that... They clearly worked hard to earn a 4.0, so mention they’re a hard worker. Give the kid a letter and also have a chat about how they should try to get to know coworkers and professors better in the future so they can write them really glowing recommendations. My friend is super smart and one of her professors never answered when she asked for a letter for grad school. She was fine with it yet annoyed. She’s a very nice person who is very smart but she is definitely more introverted so I am assuming maybe she just didn’t stand out enough to the professor, but like professors are paid to help with that stuff and should have templates on hand. I would onto decline if they had major behavior or academic issues.

Please write this kid a letter!

[Anonymous]

PP again- maybe ask the student for ideas they think you might want to include in the letter? Maybe they even participate in something in order out of school that you don’t know about. This might help you generate your letter if you don’t have a basic template, or if you want to add into a basic template.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again- maybe ask the student for ideas they think you might want to include in the letter? Maybe they even participate in something in order out of school that you don’t know about. This might help you generate your letter if you don’t have a basic template, or if you want to add into a basic template.

I don’t recommend doing that unless you have a way to verify what the student is telling you about their accomplishments. I have had students lie to me not knowing that my own kids were in the same activity and went to competition. There’s also the fact that playing French horn or volunteering at the food bank has nothing to do with their skills and work ethic in my course. They should have the music teacher or the volunteer coordinator write a separate letter. I deal with this during HS application season every year. The parents send talking points!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really you can’t think of any strength? Wondering if you are rigid and inflexible.

Really, you think all kids deserve a trophy? Wondering if you are coddling and detached from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again- maybe ask the student for ideas they think you might want to include in the letter? Maybe they even participate in something in order out of school that you don’t know about. This might help you generate your letter if you don’t have a basic template, or if you want to add into a basic template.

I don’t recommend doing that unless you have a way to verify what the student is telling you about their accomplishments. I have had students lie to me not knowing that my own kids were in the same activity and went to competition. There’s also the fact that playing French horn or volunteering at the food bank has nothing to do with their skills and work ethic in my course. They should have the music teacher or the volunteer coordinator write a separate letter. I deal with this during HS application season every year. The parents send talking points!

+1

I never write about extracurricular unless I know the extent of their participation and it relates to my course. It would sound so weird if as the physics teacher I spoke about a students' performance in Model UN. That's what the counselor's letter is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

You say "I don't think that I can write the recommendation that you need to get into college."

These people who say that you must write a rec for anyone who asks are nuts.

I say no to about 10% of kids who ask me each year; they seem to get it. Don't write a bad (or even a neutral) rec. That will not help the kid in life. Have some cajones and say no instead.

[Anonymous]

How long do you feel you should have known a student to write them a recommendation? I started teaching seniors this year and agreed to write recs for some seniors I hadn't had as students before on the basis of two or three months spent in my class this fall.

I know seniors get senioritis once apps are in but in the case of these students, I really regret writing the recs. At this point I presume they came to me because they didn't have any other options and I feel reluctant to write recs for seniors in similar circumstances from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a professor and I have told students no before when they have asked for letters for grad school/professional school or internships. I tell them I have a rule that they have to earn no lower than a B- in any classes they took with me. They also have to have a good attitude. A jerk student who gets A's (sits on their phone during class, disrespectful emails, etc.) does not get a letter from me. When saying no I tell them that it's because I can't write the type of strong letter they deserve and need in order to be a competitive applicant.

This exactly. I have some jerk students who are rude and entitled. I truly don’t like them.
I would refuse to write them a letter of recommendation. Hopefully they have other teachers who like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is the problem with education today. Parents think they can tell the teachers how to do their jobs when they don’t know jack.