Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

I know of colleges with a 90%+ acceptance rate that require recommendations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

To be honest, I don't think a kid would ask you if they know you don't like them! Believe me, kids know. Did you ask teachers you liked and got along with or someone who someone who you didn't click with? My kid asked the people they knew would give a good recommendation.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think of a job you hated would you ask them to be a reference? Hell, no!

This is not true at all. Teenagers are not always aware and it’s not about a teacher liking them. I like all of my students. But some do the bare minimum in all classes and need to ask some teacher for a recommendation. It happens to me every year. I do what a PP suggested and say I’m not the best person to write it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

[Anonymous]

I'm a professor and I have told students no before when they have asked for letters for grad school/professional school or internships. I tell them I have a rule that they have to earn no lower than a B- in any classes they took with me. They also have to have a good attitude. A jerk student who gets A's (sits on their phone during class, disrespectful emails, etc.) does not get a letter from me. When saying no I tell them that it's because I can't write the type of strong letter they deserve and need in order to be a competitive applicant.

[Anonymous]

Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

Yes that is what they will say. And that's fine. Once he gets to college it will be helpful for him to get to know at least one professor in a more personal manner so if he needs recommendations in the future they will be more robust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

My kid is like yours. She saw her rec letters (she didn’t ask for them, they just gave her them) and they were glowing. The teachers probably lied a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

For what, a college admissions application?
At a big high school?
"I don't know your work well enough."
or damn them with faint praise. "____ is a delightful student to have in class and certainly gave the class much to discuss and think about!"
More experienced teachers I'm sure know how to damn with faint praise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

What teacher wouldn’t give a kid with a good grade in a class who wasn’t causing disruptions a good recommendation? Geez. Is the standard we’re using now that a kid has to come up with the COVID vaccine. Since when is a 4.0 bad? When everyone started taking all AP classes? Former teacher. I never had a kid ask me for a recommendation if they had bombed my class. I had a few who weren’t standout kids to me...like they were good students overall but quiet and I couldn’t quite think of ways they stood out, but I always said nice things and felt flattered to be asked.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you cannot write a strong recommendation, if that is true, and recommend they look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a professor and I have told students no before when they have asked for letters for grad school/professional school or internships. I tell them I have a rule that they have to earn no lower than a B- in any classes they took with me. They also have to have a good attitude. A jerk student who gets A's (sits on their phone during class, disrespectful emails, etc.) does not get a letter from me. When saying no I tell them that it's because I can't write the type of strong letter they deserve and need in order to be a competitive applicant.

I’m a professor as well. A few years ago, I added a paragraph in my syllabus stating that I am happy to write letters of recommendation for students who earn a B or higher in my class, who miss no more than 3 classes, and who participate regularly (subjective, but I can tell when students are making at least some sort of effort toward engagement). As long as those parameters are met, I can write a good letter of recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

What on earth? 4.0 is a not stellar student? How many schools are there around here where that puts him outside the top 10% of the class? Any teacher should be able to write a decent letter for a kid like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

I know of colleges with a 90%+ acceptance rate that require recommendations

College isn’t for everyone. And we (as a society) have done a grave disservice to countless children and ourselves by shoving them into college.