Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

[Anonymous]

Be clear and honest in explaining your decision. Have documentation in hand in case the whining parent or kid goes above your head. Then move on and be glad the a$$ will no longer be in your class.

[Anonymous]

You can say you don’t think you can best speak to the student’s strengths. This is vague enough. I’ve never had a parent go over my head and complain probably because they know if my admin tries to force my hand I would write a terrible recommendation.

Also I suggest you only submit letters of rec that the students can’t access. If students or their parents want to read them, don’t write it. That is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Really you can’t think of any strength? Wondering if you are rigid and inflexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really you can’t think of any strength? Wondering if you are rigid and inflexible.

For the most part yes, I can think of strengths for any student. It often it’s not an academic strength. I talk to the student about why they want me to write the recommendation. If they’re looking for someone to talk about their leadership in a club I’m the advisor for then I might be the correct person. But for the same student if they’re looking for a recommendation to speak to academic strength I might not be there best choice. We say no when asked because we don’t want to do the student a disservice.

[Anonymous]

You should basically always agree to write the letter. Even the weakest students need a recommendation for college, and it is your duty as their teacher to write to the strengths they do have.

Also, it is really helpful to ask students to answer a couple questions, like what they are most proud of in your course. You might ask them to email you their answers so they have some time to reflect.

[Anonymous]

It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this will have to happen much because kids tend to ask the teachers who they like, and who like them back. Even if you don’t think it’s obvious that you dislike a kid, it shines through. Not saying there aren’t valid reasons for disliking a kid, but you won’t be able to hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

To be honest, I don't think a kid would ask you if they know you don't like them! Believe me, kids know. Did you ask teachers you liked and got along with or someone who someone who you didn't click with? My kid asked the people they knew would give a good recommendation.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think of a job you hated would you ask them to be a reference? Hell, no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really you can’t think of any strength? Wondering if you are rigid and inflexible.

Some students lack self awareness and ask me to write letters despite not doing much work, being tardy, etc. I didn’t say I couldn’t think of any strength, I said I couldn’t best speak to their strengths. If my subject isn’t their strength then no I can’t write a good letter. I am not rigid or inflexible in fact I write 30 letters a year. But I don’t lie, and if all I can say is that you are polite then no you shouldn’t want me to write it.

Also on the Common App you have to compare students to their peers. So me saying no is to benefit that student.

[Anonymous]

If the student insists anyway, then I fill in the blank on the boiler plate generic letter I keep on hand for b minus or c students. I have one of each. Basically says student took x class and got y grade. If work was generally handed in on time then I mention that. If no disciplinary issues, I mention that.

[Anonymous]

I worked in law school admissions for a couple years. Every once in awhile we would see a letter that left my jaw hanging.

The worst was one prof who actually wrote he had no idea why the student approached him for a letter. She did not participate in his class and rarely showed up. He had only seen her a few times. I think it’s kinder to say no than to write that garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

I never outright refuse. However, I do suggest that they select someone who is able to provide a more positive recommendation. I usually will point out several serious concerns that I have and that the student has not redressed those given the opportunity. Typically, that is enough to make them withdraw the request. If not, I write the weak recommendation (or non-recommendation) and show it to them. That does it.

[Anonymous]

I used to teach classes as a graduate student, and I had a student who was pretty terrible. Skipped classes, barely did any work, what he did do was at best mediocre. At the end of the semester he asked me for a letter of recommendation and I told him I couldn’t write him one. He pressed and I said I could not write him a good letter. He pressed more. I think he needed it to apply for an internship or something. So, like the PP with the boilerplate, I wrote something true but very bland and not my normal letter. Something like “Fred was in my class. He was usually punctual and he completed the course. Fred is a pleasant individual and is well-liked by his peers. I am sure Fred will benefit from the experience of interning at X.” He was happy to have something in writing from a teacher and I didn’t have to lie, which I would never have done.