Teachers, how do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

What on earth? 4.0 is a not stellar student? How many schools are there around here where that puts him outside the top 10% of the class? Any teacher should be able to write a decent letter for a kid like that.

A 4.0 is a stellar student and they should be able to get a recommendation letter. But top 10% with AP and honors bumps? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, don't do what one of my professors did. He waited until the last minute and provided a literal one-line recommendation letter. I worked for that ahole for almost 2 years, authored a paper and he didn't have the time to write a decent letter?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

Tell me more about how I can better serve you. How about you teach your child to have strong work ethics and treat people with respect? I’m not writing you child a recommendation just because you demand it. They have to earn it. That’s the whole point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

Tell me more about how I can better serve you. How about you teach your child to have strong work ethics and treat people with respect? I’m not writing you child a recommendation just because you demand it. They have to earn it. That’s the whole point!

You all are missing the point. The kids who you think have earned your recommendation, most probably already have involved parents who teach their kids strong work ethics and how to treat people with respect. The students who do not earn your recommendations come from families mostly where parents are not involved. In such a case having a cheat sheet and showing some cause and effect (good behavior and good grades = good recommendation) will go a long way in turning around some students.

This is a country where a stupid president asks people to drink bleach. Students may come from a stock similar to that of the POTUS. Teach them please because no one else seems to be teaching them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

Tell me more about how I can better serve you. How about you teach your child to have strong work ethics and treat people with respect? I’m not writing you child a recommendation just because you demand it. They have to earn it. That’s the whole point!

You all are missing the point. The kids who you think have earned your recommendation, most probably already have involved parents who teach their kids strong work ethics and how to treat people with respect. The students who do not earn your recommendations come from families mostly where parents are not involved. In such a case having a cheat sheet and showing some cause and effect (good behavior and good grades = good recommendation) will go a long way in turning around some students.

This is a country where a stupid president asks people to drink bleach. Students may come from a stock similar to that of the POTUS. Teach them please because no one else seems to be teaching them.

Yes, respond by telling us that we don’t understand. That will show us the error of our ways. Teachers are so mean!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

To be honest, I don't think a kid would ask you if they know you don't like them! Believe me, kids know. Did you ask teachers you liked and got along with or someone who someone who you didn't click with? My kid asked the people they knew would give a good recommendation.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think of a job you hated would you ask them to be a reference? Hell, no!

This is not true at all. Teenagers are not always aware and it’s not about a teacher liking them. I like all of my students. But some do the bare minimum in all classes and need to ask some teacher for a recommendation. It happens to me every year. I do what a PP suggested and say I’m not the best person to write it.

Lol. If you don’t have much nice to say about the student, you don’t like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new HS teacher and I'll probably be getting these requests sooner or later.
How do you tactfully refuse to write a recommendation letter if you don't have anything great to say, or worse, if you have negative things to say and the student lacks enough self-awareness to realize that and asks you anyway?

To be honest, I don't think a kid would ask you if they know you don't like them! Believe me, kids know. Did you ask teachers you liked and got along with or someone who someone who you didn't click with? My kid asked the people they knew would give a good recommendation.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think of a job you hated would you ask them to be a reference? Hell, no!

This is not true at all. Teenagers are not always aware and it’s not about a teacher liking them. I like all of my students. But some do the bare minimum in all classes and need to ask some teacher for a recommendation. It happens to me every year. I do what a PP suggested and say I’m not the best person to write it.

Lol. If you don’t have much nice to say about the student, you don’t like them.

So you think a good recommendation letter is me saying they are polite and nice to others? This isn't elementary school. And I am an adult so yes there is a difference between not liking someone and writing a strong letter of recommendation. You sound like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Teachers,

Here is a very useful tip and tool for you. Give all your students on the first day of school, on BTSN, on your online grades portal, to their parents - a worksheet which has all the qualities that you want in the students that you recommend. Tell them that this is how you will determine who you will give good recommendations to. This worksheet should have place for both essays and a grid type answer space for all metrics that you care about. Make it comprehensive.

Make the worksheets a work in progress that you assess priodically with the students. When it comes time for students to ask for recommendation they should not find it difficult.
If they are scared of asking for recommendations or if they have not shown as growth as your students then you also have failed. Both of you (student and teacher) must work together to reach the student at a place where he is worth recommending. Without guidance how do you think the students will reach there?

This is one of the most condescending and presumptious posts I've seen on this site.

+1

Yes, let's do this on top of everything else we have to do... for 100+ students.

Tell me more about how I can better serve you. How about you teach your child to have strong work ethics and treat people with respect? I’m not writing you child a recommendation just because you demand it. They have to earn it. That’s the whole point!

You all are missing the point. The kids who you think have earned your recommendation, most probably already have involved parents who teach their kids strong work ethics and how to treat people with respect. The students who do not earn your recommendations come from families mostly where parents are not involved. In such a case having a cheat sheet and showing some cause and effect (good behavior and good grades = good recommendation) will go a long way in turning around some students.

This is a country where a stupid president asks people to drink bleach. Students may come from a stock similar to that of the POTUS. Teach them please because no one else seems to be teaching them.

Yes, respond by telling us that we don’t understand. That will show us the error of our ways. Teachers are so mean!

+1

Ironically the kids who I have not written recommendation letters for often have their over involved parents ask me instead of asking me themselves! Parental involvement is not the barometer to determine a student's hard work in class. Stop stereotyping because you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

He has a 4.0 average and SAT scores are decent. But he’s not a standout in his school the way the super duper stellar kids are. He’s just like a lot of other good A students. Not a leader, but a solid student. So there were no obvious teachers to ask. What would they say? Student shows up for class turns in work and gets As on tests.

What on earth? 4.0 is a not stellar student? How many schools are there around here where that puts him outside the top 10% of the class? Any teacher should be able to write a decent letter for a kid like that.

A 4.0 is a stellar student and they should be able to get a recommendation letter. But top 10% with AP and honors bumps? Probably not.

4.0 weighted or unweighted? At our local high school (MCPS), according to the school profile, 12% of kids graduate with GPA's of 4.501 or above, and 26% graduate with GPA's of 4.01 - 4.5. So, a kid with a 4.0 would be 62nd %ile. Which is solid but not outstanding.

[Anonymous]

I'm a HS teacher who doesn't teach a core subject. My subject is one where kids who struggle in other subjects sometimes do really well. So, it can be a place for a kid to shine. My subject is also one where I get to know the kids better than their English or Math teacher might. Generally kids come to me to write letters of recommendation for one of three reasons.

1) They know me and we interact well, and they're too shy to ask other teachers.

2) They're hoping to pursue a career in the field.

3) I'm the only class they're doing well in.

I've never told a kid no, that I won't write a letter, but when a kid comes to me I ask them what they want to study, and why they picked me. I then give them feedback, basically saying "Here's what I'd be able to say about you." and sometimes "Here's what I can't say about you". Usually the latter isn't negative feedback, it's more like "I'd be delighted to write for you, if you're interested in a career in journalism, you might want a teacher who can talk about your writing ability. Since we don't write much in this class, I wonder if you'd be better served by a letter from an English teacher. Why don't you think about it, and come back to me. I won't be hurt if you change your mind."

I then ask kids to write me an email detailing things about them that I might want to include, but might not know. So, for example, I might not know that a kid volunteers in a related field, or that she keeps her grades up despite playing 3 varsity sports, or that her summer job was related.

The other thing that I will do is that if I know that a kid struggles outside my class, I might approach them and tell them "I know that at this time of the year, kids are often wondering who to ask to write their letter recommendations. I feel like I have a lot of things I could say about you such as . . . If you think a letter like that, for college or for a job, would be helpful, just let me know!"

[Anonymous]

IMO, it's not a teacher's job to write a LOR which talks about things the student tells the teacher about his/her life outside the classroom. So, it's not a teacher's job to say a student played 2 sports unless the teacher is a coach or something. And it isn't the teacher's job to write about a summer job he only knows about because the student told him.That's more appropriate for a counselor's recomrndation or, in the case of the related summer job, the student should be listing that. In rare cases, it might be appropriate to ask a supervisor at the summer job for a LOR. I agree that if a kid wants to be a graphic artist than asking an art teacher for a LOR is appropriate. BTW, most colleges specify what kind of teacher LORs they want. Most require at least one from the teacher of a core subject. Many specify one math or science plus one English or social studies or (more rarely) foreign language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, it's not a teacher's job to write a LOR which talks about things the student tells the teacher about his/her life outside the classroom. So, it's not a teacher's job to say a student played 2 sports unless the teacher is a coach or something. And it isn't the teacher's job to write about a summer job he only knows about because the student told him.That's more appropriate for a counselor's recomrndation or, in the case of the related summer job, the student should be listing that. In rare cases, it might be appropriate to ask a supervisor at the summer job for a LOR. I agree that if a kid wants to be a graphic artist than asking an art teacher for a LOR is appropriate. BTW, most colleges specify what kind of teacher LORs they want. Most require at least one from the teacher of a core subject. Many specify one math or science plus one English or social studies or (more rarely) foreign language.

Both of my kid's recommenders asked for a "brag sheet" listing extracurriculars/work experience/awards.

[Anonymous]

You should write a recommendation if asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

I know of colleges with a 90%+ acceptance rate that require recommendations

College isn’t for everyone. And we (as a society) have done a grave disservice to countless children and ourselves by shoving them into college.

That's fine as long as you don't say "except for my kids!" This is how racism is perpetuated. Teachers give the African American or others the speech that they "aren't college material"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was so hard for my son to ask his teachers for a letter of recommendation. Kids who aren't stellar students don't even know who to ask and fear being rejected for the request.

OP, if the kid didn't do well in your class, he probably won't get a better recommendation from a different teacher. He is coming to you for a reason.

I say this kindly, but if the kid is a poor student why is he trying to get recommendations for college? It seems like an exercise in futility. He’s not going to get in.

I know of colleges with a 90%+ acceptance rate that require recommendations

College isn’t for everyone. And we (as a society) have done a grave disservice to countless children and ourselves by shoving them into college.

That's fine as long as you don't say "except for my kids!" This is how racism is perpetuated. Teachers give the African American or others the speech that they "aren't college material"

This!!! It drives me nuts when people say that. Butttt not my kid! Only the poors should go to trade school!