What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my favorite for all ages -

How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you see later and the other you see after a while.

Ha!

Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?

She was no spring chicken.

[Anonymous]

Why do dogs lick their balls?
Be a they can.

[Anonymous]

What's green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?

A herring.

A herring isn't green!

You could paint it green.

A herring doesn't hang on the wall.

So what stops you from hanging it on the wall?

A herring doesn't whistle!

Well, so? It doesn't whistle!

[Anonymous]

Yo mama jokes were ruthless when I was young...

e.g. Yo mama so fat she has her own zipcode

[Anonymous]

Murphy went to London & got lost in the Underground. When he finally found a way out, it was 3 AM.

He went to the escalator & saw a sign that said, "Dogs Must Be Carried On The Escalator."

"My God" says Murphy, "where do I find a dog at this hour of the night?!"

[Anonymous]

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6? tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

[Anonymous]

Did you hear about the guy that got assaulted on a Japanese tourist bus? Apparently the police had a thousand pictures of the suspect

[Anonymous]

(Entry from the late 80’s early 90’s)

What is it called when 2 yuppies get into a fender bender?

A Saab story.

[Anonymous]

How to you get a Kleenex to dance?

You put a little boogie in it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pointless.

Millennials and snowflakes have murdered humor. It's a dead medium.


Why don't you see comedians playing colleges anymore? Because they can't. Because we have a generation of younger people who have been trained their entire lives to be offended about something.

Thanks for your input boomer.

This is so not a boomer sentiment. And it’s spot on.

[Anonymous]

A baby seal walked into a club ...

[Anonymous]

Sorry to sound mean, but these are terrible “jokes”.

[Anonymous]

Dog called up a newspaper and said he wanted to put up on ad. He said “I want it to say woof woof woof woof.”
Newspaper guy says “up to five words is the same price so you can add another woof in there for free.
Dog says “but then it wouldn’t make any sense!”

Hmmm typing that out it doesn’t seem that funny anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dog called up a newspaper and said he wanted to put up on ad. He said “I want it to say woof woof woof woof.”
Newspaper guy says “up to five words is the same price so you can add another woof in there for free.
Dog says “but then it wouldn’t make any sense!”

Hmmm typing that out it doesn’t seem that funny anymore.

This is one of my favorites, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.