Focused on the Children - death knell for your Marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years.

Or maybe not. As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule. A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier. This continues as their kids age. They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years.

Or maybe not. As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule. A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier. This continues as their kids age. They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.

PP here. I do think I should have been born in a different era though. I love pleasing my man. I enjoy catering to him and making him happy.

[Anonymous]

Why the blame on mothers? If anything in our family it’s DH who doesn’t want to get a sitter and thinks it’s a good idea to sign kids up for a gazillion activities so we spend our time shuttling kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years.

Or maybe not. As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule. A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier. This continues as their kids age. They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.

yeah, you’ve got it ALL figured out, 4 months in. Congrats. PS I did Ferber at 4 months and it didn’t make my DH into a better partner.

[Anonymous]

My brother is engaged to a woman who has a small child. She sleeps with her child every night because the child “won’t sleep alone.” The child also goes to dinner with them and sleeps in the stroller so they can eat at 10pm. She doesn’t “trust” babysitters. It’s insane. Recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is engaged to a woman who has a small child. She sleeps with her child every night because the child “won’t sleep alone.” The child also goes to dinner with them and sleeps in the stroller so they can eat at 10pm. She doesn’t “trust” babysitters. It’s insane. Recipe for disaster.

Wow. I don't think they will have that much of a future. Why do women like this get married? They are turning their child into their partner. It's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years.

Or maybe not. As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule. A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier. This continues as their kids age. They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.

yeah, you’ve got it ALL figured out, 4 months in. Congrats. PS I did Ferber at 4 months and it didn’t make my DH into a better partner.

PP here. I was a nanny for 10 years prior to having kids. I'm sorry your husband is not a better partner. I think that has nothing to do with you having children though. I think many women don't have the best partners but think the guy will change once they have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years.

Or maybe not. As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule. A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier. This continues as their kids age. They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.

yeah, you’ve got it ALL figured out, 4 months in. Congrats. PS I did Ferber at 4 months and it didn’t make my DH into a better partner.

Someone sounds bitter. I predict PP is one of the marriages that succeed. Ladies, take note, a crappy partner pre kids will be a crappy partner post kids. Why have kids with a man like that? You're setting yourself up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

LOL. She has had one baby for 4 months. Oh man.

[Anonymous]

I have a husband who has pretty much lost interest in going out at all with me. We had kids and it seemed like we were doing well in terms of scheduling date nights but now, he shoots down every suggestion I have. Nothing to do with babysitting or money, either. I even suggested a long weekend in the Caribbean and he said no, maybe next year and bring the kids, why not, yada yada. Sometimes I wonder if having kids just brought his true feelings to the forefront-- he can take or leave spending time with me. If he has no interest in spending time with me, then forget it. I'm not doing this for another 20 or 30 years, especially after kids are out of school. The money and "security" aren't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the blame on mothers? If anything in our family it’s DH who doesn’t want to get a sitter and thinks it’s a good idea to sign kids up for a gazillion activities so we spend our time shuttling kids around.

21:15 here. Yup. This is my life. And if it's not about the kids, we find separate activities.

What happens when the kids get older? Then you stay together for the grandchildren so it's all less complicated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bizarre so many women on here are defending this hyper-mommying role that so often kills marriages. We're not talking about ignoring kids and letting them watch tv for 12 hours a day. We're talking about not letting them sleep in bed with you until they're 10. Or leaving them with a sitter once a month. So that you can prioritize your marriage sometimes.

Ok, the DH can call the sitter and figure out sleep training if he doesn't like the situation. Be our guest!!

+1 So, we women can do the lion's share of the actual housework and childwork, plus hold down full time jobs, plus figure out the timing of date nights and the logistics of sleeping, AND be sexually available every moment?

All for what? The privilege of being married to a manchild who pouts, or even cheats, if we don't perform every element above perfectly? No, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bizarre so many women on here are defending this hyper-mommying role that so often kills marriages. We're not talking about ignoring kids and letting them watch tv for 12 hours a day. We're talking about not letting them sleep in bed with you until they're 10. Or leaving them with a sitter once a month. So that you can prioritize your marriage sometimes.

Ok, the DH can call the sitter and figure out sleep training if he doesn't like the situation. Be our guest!!

+1 So, we women can do the lion's share of the actual housework and childwork, plus hold down full time jobs, plus figure out the timing of date nights and the logistics of sleeping, AND be sexually available every moment?

All for what? The privilege of being married to a manchild who pouts, or even cheats, if we don't perform every element above perfectly? No, thanks.

Who is making you do everything? Your spouse has put a gun to your head and sis do all of the housework, planning and childcare?

More likely, you didn’t learn how to get a man to coparent! There are many methods but one is just leaving the house and not doing things for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

LOL. She has had one baby for 4 months. Oh man.

For many of us, the first few months are the hardest. Sounds to me like she is doing things the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy.

+1. You sound amazing!

LOL. She has had one baby for 4 months. Oh man.

For many of us, the first few months are the hardest. Sounds to me like she is doing things the right way.

Since September. Ha ha.