Trying to handle baby + big law and failing miserably. Talk me down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big law just isn't worth it. Have an exit strategy, get a great salary with 50% of the hours. What you are doing now is digging an early grave.

That’s the big question. I’m a biglaw lifer personally. But if you’re not, you really have to think about what you want, how to get there, and what sacrifices you really need to make. A lot of women at the firms I have been at seem to give biglaw their everything even though they know they are going to quit in a couple years. That kind of perfectionism is not your friend. Do the minimum if you know you’re going to leave in the near future. And make sure you are saving time to network and strategize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big law just isn't worth it. Have an exit strategy, get a great salary with 50% of the hours. What you are doing now is digging an early grave.

But it’s nowhere near 50% of the hours, particularly if it is a remotely “great” salary. If OP has debt, there is something to be said for staying at least long enough to plow through the debt and ideally give yourself a nice nest egg to get started on the positive side.

[Anonymous]

Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

Cool then go find some other thread.

I do bedtimes now, as a senior associate. I couldn’t as a junior and early midlevel. So what. I have such a happy, rewarding life with my kids and the career I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

But pickup isn’t really quality time and can easily take a half hour all in even if you live fairly close. The idea to skip bedtime isn’t for every night. It’s a suggestion that it might be better to plow two nights a week to give yourself more breathing room the other nights. As for a nanny (which I don’t actually agree with), why would that be any worse in your view from a “precious days” perspective than daycare. Are you saying she should just stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

But pickup isn’t really quality time and can easily take a half hour all in even if you live fairly close. The idea to skip bedtime isn’t for every night. It’s a suggestion that it might be better to plow two nights a week to give yourself more breathing room the other nights. As for a nanny (which I don’t actually agree with), why would that be any worse in your view from a “precious days” perspective than daycare. Are you saying she should just stay home?

Yep, I’m pretty sure pp is trying to say OP and others are shitty mothers for working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

Why are you here? You clearly have no frame of reference for what anyone in this thread is talking about, so what do you think you're contributing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

Are you sure it’s not just because you don’t have credentials or talents that could bring in “big bucks”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

But pickup isn’t really quality time and can easily take a half hour all in even if you live fairly close. The idea to skip bedtime isn’t for every night. It’s a suggestion that it might be better to plow two nights a week to give yourself more breathing room the other nights. As for a nanny (which I don’t actually agree with), why would that be any worse in your view from a “precious days” perspective than daycare. Are you saying she should just stay home?

Yep, I’m pretty sure pp is trying to say OP and others are shitty mothers for working.

I’m the pp. I am a working mother too, just one of those 9-5 ones. I guess I should say I support those posters who suggested taking some time off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I will say it. Can your husband either make more money or do more for the baby (Ie pick ups and all housework)? You can’t be the breadwinner in big law and do 50% of the baby work.

I also agree with the dnd 5-7 and working late one night. Show your clients and colleagues that you will answer emails in the late evening and I am guessing that will be much easier. And see above about your husbands job and look for something saner if you would rather be spending more time with kids.

Such bs. She said her husband does 80 percent of the housework already. If the salaries were switched you'd be saying it doesn't matter because it's all one big pot. Why the double standard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it’s surprising to me to read all the suggestions about how to make it work; get a nanny, don’t do pick ups, don’t do bedtime. I mean, these are precious days, people? How about spending time, and bonding with the baby? I guess now I know why I don’t earn the big bucks... I’m definitely not cut for this kind of lifestyle.

But pickup isn’t really quality time and can easily take a half hour all in even if you live fairly close. The idea to skip bedtime isn’t for every night. It’s a suggestion that it might be better to plow two nights a week to give yourself more breathing room the other nights. As for a nanny (which I don’t actually agree with), why would that be any worse in your view from a “precious days” perspective than daycare. Are you saying she should just stay home?

Yep, I’m pretty sure pp is trying to say OP and others are shitty mothers for working.

I’m the pp. I am a working mother too, just one of those 9-5 ones. I guess I should say I support those posters who suggested taking some time off?

What do you propose she do with her debt? She can work a few more years in Biglaw to extinguish the debt or spend 10 or 15 years working it off. Hell, if she truly stayed home, I’m not sure she could even pay the non debt bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I will say it. Can your husband either make more money or do more for the baby (Ie pick ups and all housework)? You can’t be the breadwinner in big law and do 50% of the baby work.

I also agree with the dnd 5-7 and working late one night. Show your clients and colleagues that you will answer emails in the late evening and I am guessing that will be much easier. And see above about your husbands job and look for something saner if you would rather be spending more time with kids.

Such bs. She said her husband does 80 percent of the housework already. If the salaries were switched you'd be saying it doesn't matter because it's all one big pot. Why the double standard?

No one on DCUM says women who make less money should still do no more than 50% of the childcare work since it’s all the same money pot what are you talking about

[Anonymous]

OP. For more context - debt is scheduled to be repaid in about a year, and I'm subject to a claw-back for maternity leave, so it really does not make any financial sense to leave right now. Monthly debt payment is large, so we could not afford to make monthly expenses without my salary while still paying down debt. Our financial position will be quite different once debt is paid off. I did some nonprofit work before this job, so I have not been paying loans as aggressively as someone who was continuously big law.

And, to be honest, I've worked really hard to get to a place to do the type of work I'm doing now, so I do want to stick it out a little longer - I just wish it were more manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to quit. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Most Biglaw moms quit, so you may as well get started!

+1 and not meant to be snarky.
~Former BigLaw, now SAHM. Oldest kid now 17

[Anonymous]

^^and was doing my dream job, that took me my whole adult life to get. And I'm ok with it.