Trying to handle baby + big law and failing miserably. Talk me down.

[Anonymous]

Basically what the title says. I've been back at work a couple of months now. It's hard. I expected it to be hard, but the total lack of any free time and sleep is killing me. Yes I'm browsing this board (my kid is asleep in my arms and I'm waiting a few minutes to transfer to the crib) but in general my day is: spend a couple of hours with the baby in the morning (this part is great), go to work, leave early to pick up kid from daycare and avoid glares from colleagues who are junior to me but still feel comfortable enough to be assholes, have like 30 minutes at home with baby before bed time, work 7-12, shower and go to bed (thank sweet Jesus baby is a good sleeper), repeat. The number of demanding "I need this right now" emails between 5-7 drive me insane with anxiety. DH works a 9-5 and does probably 80% of housework, so that's thankfully something I don't really need to worry about, but still I'm so overwhelmed always being on call.

I can't afford to quit (I make a lot more than him and still have a good chunk of debt). How do people do this? You can leave snarky comments if you want, whatever, but if you have actual advice please lay it on me because I feel like I'm losing my shit.

[Anonymous]

No snark just support. Yes people do it and yes it is incredibly hard.

[Anonymous]

One day at a time.

You’ll get more used to it.

[Anonymous]

You can afford to quit. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Most Biglaw moms quit, so you may as well get started!

[Anonymous]

Can you swing a nanny? That gives you back about an hour a day if you don't have to do the drop-off and pick-up routine. It also makes the transition time easier. It is hard. Sorry!!!

[Anonymous]

You have to quit. There’s no other option. Take the steps to create a light at the end of the tunnel - basically give yourself a deadline and work toward it. Life is too short and big law isn’t going to change anytime soon. Clients pay a huge premium to obtain immediate service and partners won’t tolerate anything less.

I’m on the other side of a decade in big law and I haven’t regretted my exit for a second. There are humane lawyers out there doing interesting work.

[Anonymous]

I quit — and life is much better! Otherwise, just hang on. You will get more used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you swing a nanny? That gives you back about an hour a day if you don't have to do the drop-off and pick-up routine. It also makes the transition time easier. It is hard. Sorry!!!

OH yeah, you need a nanny or nanny share. I can't emphasize HOW MUCH better it is to not have to do pickup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to quit. There’s no other option. Take the steps to create a light at the end of the tunnel - basically give yourself a deadline and work toward it. Life is too short and big law isn’t going to change anytime soon. Clients pay a huge premium to obtain immediate service and partners won’t tolerate anything less.

I’m on the other side of a decade in big law and I haven’t regretted my exit for a second. There are humane lawyers out there doing interesting work.

Yep. Everyone I know who started in Biglaw has quit or is a man.

[Anonymous]

Are you full time? Have you considered the pros/cons of part time?

You have my sympathies! It’s so hard and my firm just didn’t seem to care afaict. When I left to go in house after a year or so I said I wanted something more family friendly and the partner seemed genuinely surprised i did not find them family friendly.

[Anonymous]

You have enough financial resources to quit. You didn't get your law degree in order to live a life of indentured servitude. You can figure something else out. Sell your house and move into a 1 bedroom or whatever you need to do.

[Anonymous]

It helps to have an end in sight. You won't be here forever. Remind yourself. In 18 months, if I can push through this, we will be able to contribute XX and meet XX goal. Countdown to a milestone that is close and in support of a larger objective.

And silence your emails by hitting DND on your cell phone between 5-7. Otherwise you will lose your shit. You don't want a breakdown, that will be much worse. So find ways to pace yourself.

Ignore the glares. Their opinion of you is none of your business. Who cares.

Focus on making sure that the key person you need to keep happy (client, senior leadership, whoever) sees you prioritizing and getting shit done. That is your job insurance.

Try to be efficient. Say no to projects, or delegate to some of the juniors that may be envious for the grunt work.

Hang in there, and congrats! It is hard, but it gets easier.

[Anonymous]

Would your husband consider staying home?

[Anonymous]

I work in a law firm, and have two babies. Just accept you will get VERY LITTLE evening time for a year or two. They need their sleep. You get mornings and weekends.

Refer to yourself as working "a split shift." Don't ever refer to yourself as leaving for the day. You're leaving to begin your split shift.

[Anonymous]

Go 80%. And or get the nanny or nearby nanny share. It’s just hard. We’ve all been sold the having it all scam.