Found out FIL paid off grandson’s student loans/zero help for my kids

[Anonymous]

Sad reality that we parents have to give our needier kids more. In whatever area. I’m not going to worry about my successful kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad reality that we parents have to give our needier kids more. In whatever area. I’m not going to worry about my successful kid.

Agreed.

OP seems to be doing well. She said she can afford her kids education and her kids are also working hard. In other words, they don't need help.

But this other grandson does seem like he has a complicated life. Bankrupt father and flunking out of college both paint a picture. I'm not surprised FIL wanted to help.

OP clearly has other issues. It is telling she seems to be seeing the FIL solely as an ATM machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

So we can impute lots of lazy intent because he did get grandpa to co-sign and didn’t hack it?? This is a kid. OP should give him all the grace she would give her own kid. All the mentorship she would offer a kid she loves. With snarling family like OP you can understand why this kid can’t seem to get his footing.

The kid was kicked out after ONE semester. Usually they get put on academic probation, they don't get kicked out. The kid can't seem to hold down a job, either. What is going on with this kid? Is there a substance abuse problem? Depression/mood disorder?

Also, does this kid even want OP in his business? Maybe the last thing on earth he wants is her advice and loving concern. The only thing Op knows is that FIL has been throwing money at this kid trying to make things better and things aren't getting better for him. In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to earn scholarships, work retail jobs and study long hours to earn good grades.

If Op's nephew is out playing with his buddies, putting forth little to no effort to improve himself then I can see how Op might be hurt that FIL was helping this kid out while ignoring Op's hard working children.

You have to make a lot of uncharitable assumptions about this kid, who comes from a bankrupt family, to justify OP’s heartless selfishness. And that’s my point.

+1 Classic case of attribution bias.

Baloney. The kid clearly has no direction and had the opportunity to go to community college while he figured things out. instead, he chose to go to an expensive private school where he proceeded to get himself kicked out after just one semester. Now his grandfather his left to use his retirement money to pay the bill and this kid is NOT WORKING. In fact, this kid is probably out having a good time if the truth were to be told.

In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to get scholarships, work and study hard. They get nothing because they "have it sooo easy". I get why Op finds that hard to swallow although I do agree that this is FIL's money and he can decide how to spend it. Learn from this, Op. If anything, learn what not to do.

Op - I get what you are saying and I am sorry but you have got to count your blessings that your own kids are doing so well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh.

Eventually he will die and there will be a need for pall bearers. Hope his other grandsons are strong enough to handle the casket on their own.

So.....you should only love your grandfather if he gives you money?

Op, I get while you are upset but you are looking at this wrong, the man only has so much money, so of course he is going to bail out the person who needs it most. It has nothing to do with unequal love. You feel proud that your family does not need his help. Your kids are better off, because they are responsible.

[Anonymous]

I do not get why you are upset.

1. Not your business.
2. Not your money
3. He doesn't owe you college money.
4. Your kids, your responsibility.
5. Teach your children better than you are behaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

You are a shit person. I hope your kids manage to grow into a better person that you seem to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.

Eventually he will die and there will be a need for pall bearers. Hope his other grandsons are strong enough to handle the casket on their own.

So.....you should only love your grandfather if he gives you money?

Op, I get while you are upset but you are looking at this wrong, the man only has so much money, so of course he is going to bail out the person who needs it most. It has nothing to do with unequal love. You feel proud that your family does not need his help. Your kids are better off, because they are responsible.

He didn't bail out the grandson, though. He just threw his hard earned money down the drain. That's what actually happened. No need to sugar coat it.

In the meantime, he's got grandchildren who are working hard to make something of themselves. If he had saved that money and given it to them to use towards buying their first car, I'll bet that would have been a very much needed and much appreciated hand up. Instead, he flushed that money down the toilet and will probably flush more money down the toilet trying to help a kid who is not even trying. If grandpa buys that kid a car, he'll probably get a DUI within weeks and a stint in jail which will only compound his problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

You are a shit person. I hope your kids manage to grow into a better person that you seem to be.

While I agree that Op and her kids have zero "right" to FIL's money, I also think that FIL treating his grandchildren so inequitably is not fair. If the kid was trying, that would be one thing and I'm sure that Op would have some sympathy for his situation. Sadly, that is not the case.

[Anonymous]

Life isn’t fair. My poorer cousins received more than I did. But I thought that was fair as they were poorer. It’s not my money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life isn’t fair. My poorer cousins received more than I did. But I thought that was fair as they were poorer. It’s not my money.

It depends on how they used the money. If they pissed it away partying, buying designer clothes, having a good time....did they really need the money? If they used the financial help to get themselves on their feet it's an entirely different story.

[Anonymous]

Well, FIL didn't have any choice. He was legally obligated to pay those school loans.

[Anonymous]

My Father paid off my sister’s kids college loans. She makes a decent living but choose to have 3 kids. I am a divorced single Mom but a successful one...my kid did not get anything. Guess what? I don’t really care. It’s his money and I’d rather my nieces and nephews get it than my stepmother (the OW).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the parable about the prodigal son

I agree with most of what is being said in this thread, but coming from a religious family, I HATE when this one is trotted out to excuse bad behavior. What people often miss is that the prodigal son was eating with swine, truly broken and returned with a contrite spirit to a welcoming father. Without that element of the story, you are just an enabler. Who are you to block people from God's lessons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It stinks but I think this was more of a function of paying it off because it was in his name not to help out the grandson

This. If his credit was ruined, your kids might not get even that $20!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Father paid off my sister’s kids college loans. She makes a decent living but choose to have 3 kids. I am a divorced single Mom but a successful one...my kid did not get anything. Guess what? I don’t really care. It’s his money and I’d rather my nieces and nephews get it than my stepmother (the OW).

Is your kid now paying for student loans? If so, maybe your kid cares that your dad put the others first?