Found out FIL paid off grandson’s student loans/zero help for my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I understand. My cousin had his very expensive tuition ($60k/year in the 1990s) paid for by my grandfather and my uncle (cousin’s uncle) sent him money every month because b he had no spending money. Cousin never worked summer jobs and now doesn’t even do anything in the field he has his very expensive oboe degree, yep a damm oboe! $250k down the drain. He works as a delivery manager for a pot dispenser in San Fran. Us 3 grandkids received $25 on our birthday and $15 for Christmas from the tuition paying grandfather. I hold no ill will toward my grandfather, he was an incredible guy who had so much love for us, it just made me scratch my head as to why we weren’t treated financially equal. The tuition for my siblings and I combined was around $30K a year at that time. Sometimes life gives us lessons that illustrate isn’t fair and luckily my parents worked their butts off to get 3 kids through college.

Are you aware of how your own parents felt about receiving financial help from your grandparents?

My family was like what you described. My grandparents subsidized 100% of my cousins' lives and 0% of mine and my sibling's. But it was because my father did not want his father's money, while his brother happily accepted. The inequality was not of my grandparents' choosing.

Things aren't always what they seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

So we can impute lots of lazy intent because he did get grandpa to co-sign and didn’t hack it?? This is a kid. OP should give him all the grace she would give her own kid. All the mentorship she would offer a kid she loves. With snarling family like OP you can understand why this kid can’t seem to get his footing.

[Anonymous]

Why arent you expecting this help from your own parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

So we can impute lots of lazy intent because he did get grandpa to co-sign and didn’t hack it?? This is a kid. OP should give him all the grace she would give her own kid. All the mentorship she would offer a kid she loves. With snarling family like OP you can understand why this kid can’t seem to get his footing.

The kid was kicked out after ONE semester. Usually they get put on academic probation, they don't get kicked out. The kid can't seem to hold down a job, either. What is going on with this kid? Is there a substance abuse problem? Depression/mood disorder?

Also, does this kid even want OP in his business? Maybe the last thing on earth he wants is her advice and loving concern. The only thing Op knows is that FIL has been throwing money at this kid trying to make things better and things aren't getting better for him. In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to earn scholarships, work retail jobs and study long hours to earn good grades.

If Op's nephew is out playing with his buddies, putting forth little to no effort to improve himself then I can see how Op might be hurt that FIL was helping this kid out while ignoring Op's hard working children.

[Anonymous]

I see where Op is coming from. Ppl are rewarded for bad behavior and those who save and work hard aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

So we can impute lots of lazy intent because he did get grandpa to co-sign and didn’t hack it?? This is a kid. OP should give him all the grace she would give her own kid. All the mentorship she would offer a kid she loves. With snarling family like OP you can understand why this kid can’t seem to get his footing.

The kid was kicked out after ONE semester. Usually they get put on academic probation, they don't get kicked out. The kid can't seem to hold down a job, either. What is going on with this kid? Is there a substance abuse problem? Depression/mood disorder?

Also, does this kid even want OP in his business? Maybe the last thing on earth he wants is her advice and loving concern. The only thing Op knows is that FIL has been throwing money at this kid trying to make things better and things aren't getting better for him. In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to earn scholarships, work retail jobs and study long hours to earn good grades.

If Op's nephew is out playing with his buddies, putting forth little to no effort to improve himself then I can see how Op might be hurt that FIL was helping this kid out while ignoring Op's hard working children.

You have to make a lot of uncharitable assumptions about this kid, who comes from a bankrupt family, to justify OP’s heartless selfishness. And that’s my point.

[Anonymous]

The FIL is playing favorites, that never feels good to anyone. Yes, it is the FIL’e money and choice, that does not make it nice. OP is not asserting there is an obligation, just that it feels crappy to be treated as less than. OP, I am sorry your husband was raised in such an unhealthy household. It sounds like you and your DH have done a good job with your kids on the education front. Bravo for you.

[Anonymous]

You need to let go of this. This sort of accounting in families will drive you apart. Sounds like this grandson and your kids are in very different positions (able to afford colllege and prepared to succeed there, and not) so it’s reasonable FIL might feel compelled to treat kids in the families differently, even outside the co-signer obligations. Be thankful for what you have, allow yourself an inward eye roll if you must, and move on.

[Anonymous]

As a PP said — read and reflect on the Prodigal Son parable again.

And again if you still feel resentful. And if you are at religious talk to your minister or priest about it until you can let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what you should be posting is "No good deed goes unpunished. My FIL was nice enough to co-sign for his grandson, and now he's stuck with the bill and the grandson is an ingrate."

Why do so so so many DCUMers hate their in laws???

I agree..

OP, you sound so jealous.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

Where does it say “no trouble asking”

Clearly, the grandson was fine with his grandfather footing the bill or the grandson would have figured out a way to hold down a job so that he could at least help pay for his own school.

So we can impute lots of lazy intent because he did get grandpa to co-sign and didn’t hack it?? This is a kid. OP should give him all the grace she would give her own kid. All the mentorship she would offer a kid she loves. With snarling family like OP you can understand why this kid can’t seem to get his footing.

The kid was kicked out after ONE semester. Usually they get put on academic probation, they don't get kicked out. The kid can't seem to hold down a job, either. What is going on with this kid? Is there a substance abuse problem? Depression/mood disorder?

Also, does this kid even want OP in his business? Maybe the last thing on earth he wants is her advice and loving concern. The only thing Op knows is that FIL has been throwing money at this kid trying to make things better and things aren't getting better for him. In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to earn scholarships, work retail jobs and study long hours to earn good grades.

If Op's nephew is out playing with his buddies, putting forth little to no effort to improve himself then I can see how Op might be hurt that FIL was helping this kid out while ignoring Op's hard working children.

You have to make a lot of uncharitable assumptions about this kid, who comes from a bankrupt family, to justify OP’s heartless selfishness. And that’s my point.

+1 Classic case of attribution bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why arent you expecting this help from your own parents?

Oh, good one!!! Right on target.

[Anonymous]

Bean counting doesn’t become you