Found out FIL paid off grandson’s student loans/zero help for my kids

[Anonymous]

My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He paid off thousands of dollars of loans for grandson who dropped out of college after one semester but owed a lot of money. FIL was co-signor on loan bc son had bad credit. FIL has not offered to pay for my kid’s educations. We can afford it but it seems unfair that my kids get a $20 bill for birthday and Christmas, but nothing substantial like college tuition (and other big expenses). My kids have worked hard to earn substantial scholarships and wouldn’t require much assistance. It seems the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

How is it unfair?

You mean it isn’t equal. But what is equal is not always fair and what is fair is not always equal. This, along with “you worry about you” and “only look in someone else’s bowl to be sure they have enough” are basic values good parents instill in their children. I am appalled at your sense of entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those were his loans also. He probably learned his lesson and won't be co-signing anything.

My SIL warned him about this very situation at the time he co-signed and she also asked if you’re helping him, are you going to help my kids? He said no.

So, you're two jealous, bitter Betty's.

[Anonymous]

Well, thank goodness the kid dropped out after only one semester. Usually when they have to leave a school after just one semester it's because they had some sort of trouble at the school (caught cheating? Some sort of dorm violation?). Hard to know what happened.

The good news is now your FIL knows and will (hopefully!) be more careful the next time they ask for money.

[Anonymous]

So, "fil was screwed over by his other grandson but refuses to let ME take advantage of him."

[Anonymous]

Read the parable about the prodigal son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

So the kid has a troubling family situation and the grandfather wanted to help him.

You are horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

Give it a rest OP. It sounds like your family is doing fine. Do you want to switch places with your BIL? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just “loaned “ my brother $100k for a house. I know he is struggling and we aren’t but it feels like he is being rewarded for making bad choices.

OP here. This. The grandson chose an expensive out-of-state school, and my kids chose in-state public schools and received $20,000 and $36,000 respectively in merit-based scholarships. They got jobs to pay for expenses. The grandson couldn’t get a job for a long time and when he did, kept getting fired. His father (my BIL) couldn’t help him because he had bad credit (bankruptcy) and didn’t make a lot of money because of no college education. My husband and I scrimped and saved money in 529 plans from the kids’ infancy to pay for college.

Then your FIL was stupid to enable this kid to be so financially stupid. He might as well have thrown his money into the fireplace.

Hopefully the boy will learn his lesson and start to make better decisions in life. Be glad you aren't dealing with that with your own kids. But for the grace of God..

[Anonymous]

Therapy. There is something else you are angry about.

I am happy your kids are doing well! I am so sorry your nephew is struggling.

[Anonymous]

If you were happy before you knew this news that does not concern you, then continue being happy. FIL was the one hurt in this. He is the one with less retirement money now. This is for him to work out with the grandson if he wishes to. Maybe he plans to adjust his will. Maybe not. Either way it is not for you to get worked up over.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your nephew could use a wise, loving aunt and uncle to help him figure out how to overcome his current situation.

Too bad he only has shrews for aunts.

Sounds like the kid can't hold a job, can't stay in college for longer than a semester and has no trouble taking money from his elderly grandfather.

I don't mean to sound like a hard azz, but an ungrateful kid like that probably needs to live with the consequences of his own stupid decisions for awhile. No one can make him give a sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um. He paid it off to protect his credit.

He also paid off the subsidized loans that were only in student’s name.

You said your family doesn't need the money. His other son/grandchildren do need help, so he helps.

The fact that you're so bitter about this shows you have zero true love for your nephew.