Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college? Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over.

Thank you. These people are saying I'm mental because I expect a divorce to end the relationship. Silly me!! I didn't think people who hated each other would suddenly become friendly.

I suspect a good deal of these people are married women who can’t bear the thought of their marriage being over and they are projecting their fears on you.

Lots of people divorce and move on. It often takes time. Having a fake friendship doesn’t help the kids. Give him a few months and see how it goes. I can think of four divorced guys with kids off the top of my head who would be great for you. The fact this guy still acts all giddy with his ex means he isn’t over her or she still has something over him. Give him time. Also give him a reason to be scared of losing you. Be wonderful to his kids. Have great sexual chemistry. You can negotiate through strength.

Thank you. We have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. This has me feeling insecure a bit and I didn't expect to be flamed for wondering if he was over his marriage and/or ex-wife. I surely didn't expect to be told I needed therapy! I am very nice to his children, but they have not warmed up to me at all. -Op

I mean this in the kindest of ways but you sound delusional. Their parents divorced. You’re annoyed dad talks to mom. Kids KNOW things. They see things. Why on earth would they warm to you? You’re annoyed/skeptical/threatened that their mom and dad are saying “Merry Christmas.” That’s horribly sad, OP! You sound cruel and clueless!

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice.

Ok. This can’t be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

No, there wasn't anything about missing each other. But there were other random conversations that didn't have anything to do with their children. They seem to talk several times throughout the week. I just had no idea they were communicating this much. They hated each other's guts a few months ago. Now they're chatting away like old chums. - Op

They ARE old chums. I don't mean this in an offensive way, OP, but never having been married, and never having been a parent, you have NO idea what marriage and co-parenting is about. It's in the kids' best interest for them to be friendly toward one another.

Of course, it is always possible that there is something more going on, but speaking in general terms, it's a GOOD thing that they are friendly with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college? Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over.

Thank you. These people are saying I'm mental because I expect a divorce to end the relationship. Silly me!! I didn't think people who hated each other would suddenly become friendly.

I suspect a good deal of these people are married women who can’t bear the thought of their marriage being over and they are projecting their fears on you.

Lots of people divorce and move on. It often takes time. Having a fake friendship doesn’t help the kids. Give him a few months and see how it goes. I can think of four divorced guys with kids off the top of my head who would be great for you. The fact this guy still acts all giddy with his ex means he isn’t over her or she still has something over him. Give him time. Also give him a reason to be scared of losing you. Be wonderful to his kids. Have great sexual chemistry. You can negotiate through strength.

Thank you. We have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. This has me feeling insecure a bit and I didn't expect to be flamed for wondering if he was over his marriage and/or ex-wife. I surely didn't expect to be told I needed therapy! I am very nice to his children, but they have not warmed up to me at all. -Op

I mean this in the kindest of ways but you sound delusional. Their parents divorced. You’re annoyed dad talks to mom. Kids KNOW things. They see things. Why on earth would they warm to you? You’re annoyed/skeptical/threatened that their mom and dad are saying “Merry Christmas.” That’s horribly sad, OP! You sound cruel and clueless!

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice.

PP here who just said that you have no clue what marriage and co-parenting about. I hadn't read this post yet when I made my comment, but this post just reinforces my belief. You're clueless. If you marry (this man or another) and have children, you will then understand what I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

No, there wasn't anything about missing each other. But there were other random conversations that didn't have anything to do with their children. They seem to talk several times throughout the week. I just had no idea they were communicating this much. They hated each other's guts a few months ago. Now they're chatting away like old chums. - Op

They ARE old chums. I don't mean this in an offensive way, OP, but never having been married, and never having been a parent, you have NO idea what marriage and co-parenting is about. It's in the kids' best interest for them to be friendly toward one another.

Of course, it is always possible that there is something more going on, but speaking in general terms, it's a GOOD thing that they are friendly with each other.

Ok. You're right I don't have any idea which is why I was asking!! Geesh, people are so mean. I'm going to bed.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO MADE ME FEEL BAD!!

[Anonymous]

The idiot has no business being in a relationship. He just likes somebody around, it can be anybody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college? Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over.

Thank you. These people are saying I'm mental because I expect a divorce to end the relationship. Silly me!! I didn't think people who hated each other would suddenly become friendly.

I suspect a good deal of these people are married women who can’t bear the thought of their marriage being over and they are projecting their fears on you.

Lots of people divorce and move on. It often takes time. Having a fake friendship doesn’t help the kids. Give him a few months and see how it goes. I can think of four divorced guys with kids off the top of my head who would be great for you. The fact this guy still acts all giddy with his ex means he isn’t over her or she still has something over him. Give him time. Also give him a reason to be scared of losing you. Be wonderful to his kids. Have great sexual chemistry. You can negotiate through strength.

Thank you. We have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. This has me feeling insecure a bit and I didn't expect to be flamed for wondering if he was over his marriage and/or ex-wife. I surely didn't expect to be told I needed therapy! I am very nice to his children, but they have not warmed up to me at all. -Op

I mean this in the kindest of ways but you sound delusional. Their parents divorced. You’re annoyed dad talks to mom. Kids KNOW things. They see things. Why on earth would they warm to you? You’re annoyed/skeptical/threatened that their mom and dad are saying “Merry Christmas.” That’s horribly sad, OP! You sound cruel and clueless!

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice.

Ok. This can’t be real.

+1. No one is this stupid

[Anonymous]

My cousin regularly sleeps with her ex husband.

She says the sex is great, and she has no intention of letting other girls happily move in. It’s not healthy, but whatever. She will forever destroy his future relationships, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said they hate each other. Clearly they do not hate each other. Their behavior dictates that they like and miss each other. Keep your options open and good luck, you're going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college? Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over.

Thank you. These people are saying I'm mental because I expect a divorce to end the relationship. Silly me!! I didn't think people who hated each other would suddenly become friendly.

I suspect a good deal of these people are married women who can’t bear the thought of their marriage being over and they are projecting their fears on you.

Lots of people divorce and move on. It often takes time. Having a fake friendship doesn’t help the kids. Give him a few months and see how it goes. I can think of four divorced guys with kids off the top of my head who would be great for you. The fact this guy still acts all giddy with his ex means he isn’t over her or she still has something over him. Give him time. Also give him a reason to be scared of losing you. Be wonderful to his kids. Have great sexual chemistry. You can negotiate through strength.

Thank you. We have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. This has me feeling insecure a bit and I didn't expect to be flamed for wondering if he was over his marriage and/or ex-wife. I surely didn't expect to be told I needed therapy! I am very nice to his children, but they have not warmed up to me at all. -Op

I mean this in the kindest of ways but you sound delusional. Their parents divorced. You’re annoyed dad talks to mom. Kids KNOW things. They see things. Why on earth would they warm to you? You’re annoyed/skeptical/threatened that their mom and dad are saying “Merry Christmas.” That’s horribly sad, OP! You sound cruel and clueless!

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice.

Ok. This can’t be real.

+1. No one is this stupid

+2 not buying it

[Anonymous]

OP go read some other posts about people in unhappy marriages.

Just being married and having kids doesn’t make them special in any way. And divorce really ends it. Kids would be confused if mommy and daddy were all chummy. This guy needs to get over his ex and get onto you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college? Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over.

What a ridiculous attempt at an analogy. Did you marry and have kids with that girl you went out with in college? No.

Divorce ends a legal marriage, but it only changes a relationship (drastically and meaningfully) and it does not end parenthood (even if parental rights are cut off). You will still see each other -- just wait until you become grandparents and share grandkids too! You will never really be free from each other.

[Anonymous]

For example, read the would you bump into an ex post. The one lady said she wouldn’t bump into her ex husband because she can’t stand him. It doesn’t have to be hate, but trust me they are not “old chums.” Somebody did something wrong. Cheated. Wasted money. Whatever. They need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

No, there wasn't anything about missing each other. But there were other random conversations that didn't have anything to do with their children. They seem to talk several times throughout the week. I just had no idea they were communicating this much. They hated each other's guts a few months ago. Now they're chatting away like old chums. - Op

They ARE old chums. I don't mean this in an offensive way, OP, but never having been married, and never having been a parent, you have NO idea what marriage and co-parenting is about. It's in the kids' best interest for them to be friendly toward one another.

Of course, it is always possible that there is something more going on, but speaking in general terms, it's a GOOD thing that they are friendly with each other.

Ok. You're right I don't have any idea which is why I was asking!! Geesh, people are so mean. I'm going to bed.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO MADE ME FEEL BAD!!

Okay, drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP go read some other posts about people in unhappy marriages.

Just being married and having kids doesn’t make them special in any way. And divorce really ends it. Kids would be confused if mommy and daddy were all chummy. This guy needs to get over his ex and get onto you.

You're missing the point. "Relationship" doesn't mean chummy or affair in this context. It means these two formally married people now have the relationship of co-parents, which means they will co-parent, communicate, see each other at kid events, text in the middle of the night then fight about it, maybe become chummy, maybe continue to fight constantly, maybe not, but OP will never be "alone" in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you are so insecure. My ex was as horrible as they come during the divorce. That's divorce 101. I still wish her merry Christmas, happy new year, call her for her birthday, our son's birthday and my wife sends her best wishes also. You need to get over it.