Reply to Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, divorce doesn't end a relationship. It only changes the legal and day to day nature of the relationship. The part that never changes: parenthood. Your relationship with him will never be just you and him. It's you and him and them and her. Forever. And he will always have feelings for all of them in some shape or form unless he is a robot.[/quote]

Yeah like that girl I went out with in college?  Divorce ENDS the marriage. It’s over. [/quote]

Thank you. These people are saying I'm mental because I expect a divorce to end the relationship. Silly me!! I didn't think people who hated each other would suddenly become friendly. [/quote]

I suspect a good deal of these people are married women who can’t bear the thought of their marriage being over and they are projecting their fears on you.

Lots of people divorce and move on. It often takes time. Having a fake friendship doesn’t help the kids. Give him a few months and see how it goes. I can think of four divorced guys with kids off the top of my head who would be great for you.  The fact this guy still acts all giddy with his ex means he isn’t over her or she still has something over him.  Give him time. Also give him a reason to be scared of losing you. Be wonderful to his kids. Have great sexual chemistry. You can negotiate through strength. [/quote]

Thank you. We have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. This has me feeling insecure a bit and I didn't expect to be flamed for wondering if he was over his marriage and/or ex-wife. I surely didn't expect to be told I needed therapy! I am very nice to his children, but they have not warmed up to me at all. -Op[/quote]

I mean this in the kindest of ways but you sound delusional. Their parents divorced. You’re annoyed dad talks to mom. Kids KNOW things. They see things. Why on earth would they warm to you? You’re annoyed/skeptical/threatened that their mom and dad are saying “Merry Christmas.”  That’s horribly sad, OP! You sound cruel and clueless![/quote]

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice. [/quote]

PP here who just said that you have no clue what marriage and co-parenting about. I hadn't read this post yet when I made my comment, but this post just reinforces my belief. You're clueless. If you marry (this man or another) and have children, you will then understand what I mean.[/quote]

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